Live Stand-Up

Greg Vaccarella Aug 7, 9pm,
August 8, 8&10:30pm
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233,

My ex girlfriend was a nun for twelve years, which means that she was married to God for twelve years. And I’m the jealous type. One day she called and asked me to go to church with her and I asked, “Is He gonna be there” — Greg Vaccarella

Joe Currie
August 7-8, 8pm
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia (631) 467-5413,
My wife asks what I would like for an anniversary present. After 12 years, I said duct tape and an alibi. —Joe Currie
The fire department says make sure your house number is visible so they can find your home in an emergency. Here’s a hint. It’s the one on fire!—Joe Currie

Harry Friedman
August 14-15
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia (631) 467-5413,
I recently went to the Guggenheim Museum. They had the strangest exhibit. They had a chair made entirely of bubble gum. I reached underneath and there was a little wooden desk. —Harry Friedman

Johnny Rizzo,Sparky, Les Degan, with host Alan Streisfeld
August 28-29, 8pm
Jokerz Wild Comedy Club, Plainview (516) 830-1945,
I had a sandwich in the coffee shop at Ikea. It was delicious and reasonable, but I had to assemble it.—Les Degan
It’s been a tough economy, but I just bought a house. It’s green. It’s on Marvin Gardens and I’ve got plenty of Free Parking. —Sparky

Rich Vos
Aug 29, 7:30&10pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown (516) 731-3358,
Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out. —Rich Vos
I went to counseling, spent $5,000 to have two women call me a loser. —Rich Vos