Long Island Live Stand Up Comedy – October

Nick Dipaolo
October 2, 9pm; October 3, 8&10:30pm
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://www.brokeragecomedy.com

Everywhere I go I get hair in my food. I went to a restaurant last week, two hairs in my soup, two in my lettuce. The waitress comes out and says, “Can I get you anything else?” “Yeah, how about a comb for the salad?” – Nick Dipaolo

We do experiments on animals for a reason—to prolong our life. If hooking a monkey’s brain up to a car battery is going to save somebody of dying from AIDS in ten years, I got two things to say, “The red is positive and the black is negative.” –Nick Dipaolo

Frankie Pace
October 9-10
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://www.mcguirescomedyshows.com

I’m married 35 years. My wife is going to college now. She’s taking a course in psychology to find out why we’re married 35 years. –Frankie Pace

I bought a Bob Marley shirt yesterday. Must have been a cheap shirt. It rained and Bob left. –Frankie Pace

The Comedy Loft
October 10, 9pm
The Westhampton Steak House, Westhampton Beach
(631) 471-1221, http://www.westhamptonsteakhouse.com
Will feature Rob Cividanes, ventriloquist Bob Baker, Chris Roach and Chris Monty. Tickets: $10.

So I just dropped about 25 lbs. Yup, I’m back on the coke. –Rob Cividanes

I’m very allergic to alcohol. One beer & I break out in handcuffs. –Rob Cividanes

10th Annual Bravest Night of Comedy to benefit the Thomas Elsasser Fund
October 22, 8pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, http://www.govs.com

A benefit for a fund for widows and children of FDNY members that die outside the line of duty. Will feature Goumba Johnny; Funny NYC Firefighters Steve Alleva L7, Wyatt Lawrence L126, Ed Sullivan E211, Kevin Seaman L4, Brian Finley L7, hosted by Billy Bingo. Tickets: $20; 2 drink minimum.

Jesus was Italian. Just like my dad, every Sunday he drank wine and wore sandals, he hung out with 12 guys and nobody had a job, he lived with his mom till he was 30, he was a carpenter in the union and when he was born 3 wise guys brought him presents for no reason at all! –Goumba Johnny

See Saw Comedy Improv and Sketch Comedy
October 25, 7pm
Studio Theatre, Lindenhurst
(631) 218-1080, http://www.seesawcomedy.com
Cover charge: $10, no drink minimum.