Dear Dr. Love,
Ever since college, I’ve chased after “hotties.” Now that I am over 30, I have come to realize that most of these very beautiful women are emotionally unstable, self-centered and even “borderline-psycho.” Why am I attracted to this type of woman?
Ryan, Garden City
Ryan, it will take more than this column to get the answers you are looking for. But, here’s my objective take. No one has license to determine who is hot and who is not, who is normal and who is psycho. Like Smokey the Bear: Only you can prevent a spark from turning into a forest fire. (Or vice versa.)
Let’s just agree that a turn-on for some of us will be a turn-off for others. There is no accounting for personal likes and dislikes in the dating community. Your “10” will be a “5” (at best) to someone else. Ryan, you need not second-guess yourself as to who and what turns you on.
In fact, I’m not so certain that a “hottie” is any more psycho than the rest of the dating population. Studies have shown that many so-called “10s” suffer from low self-esteem and are just as insecure as the next person. What’s ironic is the fact that many beautiful women intentionally seek out unattractive men who are downright undesirable—both in looks and personality.
It takes time to discover if the man (or woman) you lust is a “little out there.” Erratic behavior, jealousy, and defensiveness gestures don’t usually surface for a bit.
My suggestion: Keep playing the game by your rules, not someone else’s. I do and it is working for me.
Until next month, enjoy this beautiful weather and, as always, happy dating. Readers, send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.