Love Take 2 April 2011

I have been dating a man for almost two months but we’ve only been on six dates. He recently asked me to go away with him, but I’ve never even been to his house. Is this putting the cart before the horse?


imageDear Only,
By my calculations you have seen him at the most once a week since you met him. I would forget about the cart and the horse for a minute and wonder about a wife! Why are you only seeing him once a week? Why does he want to take you away? (We both know that answer!) You mentioned you haven’t been to his house. Why not? Did you ask him? In my experience, there is usually something or someone he doesn’t want you to see. If none of those answers matter to you, then go—who cares about the cart. But if you want this to be a sustainable relationship, then get to know him. See more of him. What does he do when he isn’t seeing you? My most important question is always: Are you the one he sees on a Saturday night? If the answer to that question is no, then you have your answer.

When you go away with a guy, it should be to add to an existing relationship. It is the next step to see if you and he can enjoy each other for more than four or five hours. Did he ask you where you would like to go? I suppose you are ok with one room. Do you even know if he would let you use the bathroom first? You don’t even know if you like the same day/night activities! Sounds like you have some homework to do girl!

Jeanie—know what you want and know why you want it!


imageGo away? Go where? Do you even know where he lives? Have you met the mother he probably still lives with? Does serial killer ring a bell here? Six dates basically equates to how well you know a new oral surgeon who needs to see you for six visits to extract your impacted wisdom teeth (and that’s including the x-rays).

Before you allow a man to enjoy the privilege of even entertaining the thought of taking you away, you should spend some real quality time together. Start with the basic three rules when sizing up a new partner. 1) Does he come from a functional family or do his mother and father sleep in separate rooms? 2) Do you get along in everyday situations like a trip to Home Depot on a Saturday morning? Anybody can be charming on a date but when he gets to the checkout line and it’s eight-customers deep, is he still enjoyable and caring or does he twitch and scowl at the cashier impatiently? 3) Do you feel safe in his company? How would you know after six dates? That’s the point. You wouldn’t!

If his interest wanes after a “no thanks,” you did yourself a big favor. After six months and a few romantic overnighters with breakfast in bed (at his place), if things feel great then maybe you’re on to something. Take it slow, you’re worth it!

Garrett—experience is the best teacher!

jeanie nobile and garrett morgan

Jeanie Nobile and Garrett Morgan are a couple on the go. With two busy careers, households to maintain and children to put through college, they find time to enjoy and cultivate their relationship, and have become the go-to couple for serious advice or real and simple fun. Email them at lovetake2@lipulse.com.