Transcendental Search for Leprechauns

According to Wikipedia, a leprechaun is “a type of fairy in Irish folklore, usually taking the form of an old man, clad in a red or green coat, who enjoys partaking in mischief…and stores away all his coins in a hidden pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. If ever captured by a human, the leprechaun has the magical power to grant three wishes in exchange for his release…”

According to Mark Jones, director and writer of the 1994 film, Leprechaun, however, one may also resemble a Nilbog-esque, Danny Devito-like troll who performs butchery on farmstead families with a pogo stick.

Yeah.

According to Niko Krommydas, lastly, based on the aforementioned interpretations of a leprechaun’s characteristics or behaviors, they are undoubtedly dope creature-things. (I heart magic wishes and pogo stick.)

So, I visited three Irish-style establishments on Long Island to find one.

Retrospection commences following the completion of this sentence.

1) Corry’s Ale House
Wantagh, http://www.corrysalehouse.com

Encountered an elderly male also hunting for leprechaun near the Long Island Railroad station in Wantagh. Grappling ensued. I performed a flying elbow drop, manuever of six-time heavyweight champion and deceased individual, “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Victory. Applause. I did not, however, follow with a Slim Jim-snap. Instead, visited Helen and John Corry, owners of Corry’s Ale House, for Redbreast 12 Year Rare Pot Still, a spicy Irish whiskey with sherry notes. (Former Dubliners, the Corrys also own Shackletons in Franklin Square.)
Leprechaun Status: None

Still Visit and Consume: Dublin Cheese Steak (sliced steak with sautéed mushrooms, onion and melted Dubliner cheddar)

2) The Republic Pub
Farmingdale, http://www.therepublicpub.com

Enticed patrons with promises of intense thirty-six-second breakdance performances for leprechaun information, but was pelted with abhorrence and vinyl copies of Daniel Johnston’s 1990. Consumed Long Ireland Beer Company Celtic Ale, a 5.00% ABV Irish red ale comprising four malt types and flavors of caramel, honey and oats, while staring contemplatively into bathroom mirror. (Celtic Ale is one of 19 drafts at The Republic Pub, established in October of 2010 by Steve Gusz, Peter Mangouranes and Morgan Sharp. Guinness is also served, using a separate tower, with in-house nitrogen and on-premises blending.)
Leprechaun Status: None

Still Visit and Consume: The Republic (ground sirloin with bacon, Irish cheddar, Irish whiskey barbecue sauce and onion strings)

3) Cannon’s Blackthorn
Rockville Centre, http://www.cannonsblackthornli.com

Performed acoustic rendition of “Where Have All The Leprechauns Gone?” near row of Cannon’s Blackthorn’s five snugs, booths used in Ireland for women (prior to their allowance in pubs) or any patrons desiring privacy. Collapsed due to stage anxiety during second verse. Was not revived for remainder of song. Was not revived for remainder of evening. Was placed within a snug while patrons continued to socialize near two fireplaces and bar. (Cannon’s secondary bar was salvaged and restored from the structure’s original business, The Saratoga Hotel, in 1926.)
Leprechaun Status: None

Still Visit and Consume: Donegal Rib Eye (rib eye with roasted potatoes, grilled asparagus and Irish whiskey butter glaze)

Sigh. If one encounters a leprechaun on Long Island, please capture (gentle methods of abduction are preferable) and send to Long Island Pulse Magazine. Thx.