It’s a common aphorism that art imitates life. The stuff of everyday existence, from the seeming perpetuity of a daily commute to a chance meeting at the grocery store, is what inspires an artist’s most profound work.
No one embodies this notion quite like Taylor Swift. Currently the world’s greatest pop star (who also happens to have achieved a feat previously unrealized: seamlessly bridging pop and country music), Swift has reached success by honestly portraying aspects of her life in her music. Given the sincerity, candor and blatant truth-telling involved in her song writing, it has become a sort of pop culture game to associate each one of her hits with her most well-known romantic affairs.
Here, we take the game a step further and become Swift’s personal cupid and song-writing partners. We advise her on potential mates and come up with the songs that these relationships would inspire.
Although Swift dated Malik’s ex band mate, One Direction’s Harry Styles, we believe that Malik’s recent foray into solo stardom might be more suited to Swift’s very-own brand of fame. “You Left Everyone Behind” would go something like this:
You went solo and left the band,
I was instantly attracted to your sense of command.
Now that One Direction as we know it is no more,
Why don’t you drive me to my favorite candy store?
No stranger to pop stars, Hemsworth used to be engaged to Miley Cyrus. Given the drama that surrounds celebrities of all calibers in our social media-fueled world, we would expect Swift and Cyrus to be stuck in a love-triangle vortex created by the gossip columns. But we’d also expect both women to take the high road, as chronicled in Swift’s “Better Off” ballad:
They say girls love drama,
But we haven’t experienced any trauma.
Your love had its time,
And I’m sure it was sublime.
Together we find,
That all of mankind,
Should really get behind,
Our female peace of mind.
One of the most mysterious men in the industry, Kitsch would surely take issue with the permanent spotlight on Swift’s every move. Their breakup song, “You Couldn’t be My World,” will most likely lead Swift’s album:
’Our privacy is sacred.’
You told me while we dated.
But how does that factor,
Make sense for an actor?
How I wish we were still together,
Battling winter’s cold weather.
Yes, the recently divorced country star is 14 years Swift’s senior… but the duo’s combined influence would take the attention away from the age difference. We wouldn’t expect these two to last romantically, but we can imagine how “Friends Over Lovers” would argue that post-romantic friendship is, indeed, possible:
Lovers we tried to be,
But I think we can all agree,
That once we were set free,
We embraced the friendship tree,
In a more-than-tolerable degree.
Swift does, indeed, possess a certain royal glamour. Although we can picture these two making it to the nuptials, we believe that Swift’s “countryness” would eventually overpower all things English and bring her back to the States. That would, obviously, translate into a musical homage to the British. We’re thinking “The Brits Are Coming:”
Mid-afternoon teas, fish and chips and constant rain I will miss,
Royal life truly was a bliss.
But how can I give up on my United States?
Even though my princely dates
Opened the gates
To new British traits.
Outwardly quiet, introverted and very artistic, Lerman seems to be the right match for the outgoing Swift. But what happens when your perceived prince charming turns into a cheater? “Lies no More” wins a Grammy:
Liar, liar, liar,
With your oh-so-fancy attire,
I will never again desire,
Or even require,
Such a liar, liar, liar.
Arguably the only male counterpart to Swift’s position in the country music industry, Hayes would probably date Swift until the understanding that common music tastes don’t necessarily lead to everlasting love. Before that happens, though, they’d write a duet about (what else?) the power of music:
Sing from the heart,
Don’t be afraid to fall apart.
Wear those country boots,
Forgo the suits,
And be proud of those Southern roots!