The 5 People You’ll Meet at the Gym This Month

Unofficial analysts claim “getting healthy” and “exercising often” as some of the most popular New Year’s resolutions around. The evidence? Soaring gym memberships come each January 2. As exercise-obsessed beings ourselves (who work out regularly from January through December), we tend to be ideal witnesses to this interesting trend.

From the 30-something woman who thinks she’s “too fat” but is impeccably physically built to the overweight businessman who promises to get into shape, here are the five kinds of people we happen to bump into at the gym at the start of each new year… and who suddenly disappear by March 1.

The Slightly Overweight Family Man Who Made a Promise to His Wife

“Honey, I promise to eat healthier, drink less alcohol and exercise regularly,” starts the tale. What follows: a daily intake of protein shakes, endless hours spent learning new workout moves on YouTube and a $1,000 bill at Under Armour. Unfortunately, come February, a new merger will take up too much time for him to follow through with his resolution.

The Beautiful 30-Year-Old Fashionista Who Thinks She’s “Too Fat…”

…But is actually perfect. Boys want her, girls want to look like her and, once she realizes that getting ready for a night out might be a better use of her time, she’ll forget all about her membership.

The Former Athlete Who Lost Track of His Athleticism

We believe that s/he will actually stick around the gym for quite some time, possibly becoming a permanent fixture. A former swimmer and/or runner, s/he had a tough year and is vowing to make a huge physical comeback in 2016. Let’s do it, kid!

The Overachiever

As workout fiends, we fancy ourselves experts in realistic expectations. Rule number one: set up achievable goals. Rule number two: don’t expect your body to change in a couple of days. The Overachiever tends to spend a few hours at the gym on January 2, attend four classes in a row on January 3, “take it slow” on January 4 and find an excuse not to work out at all on the 5th. By January 10, the Overachiever will cancel his/her membership. Our advice: Make working out part of your lifestyle by carving out four hours a week to do it. No one works out every day for three hours. Trust us.

The Regular Gym Goer

S/he will most likely be the biggest nuisance to your workout. Stay tuned for endless complaints about those “who hog the elliptical come January and will not even be sticking around for more than a month.” Bad news: s/he is here to stay. Good news: his/her folly will abide once all the “January gym people” start migrating towards their next resolutions.