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Just because the coming of fall cools things down, it doesn’t mean the heat isn’t on for LI eats. The East End is holding prestigious winery events, the venerable Todd Jacobs is around and the booze is half-price!

The trajectory of the East End’s ascent into the pantheon of winery greatness continues unabated. On September 24-25, Wine Spectator magazine will be presenting the 1st Annual HARVEST: Wine Auction and Celebration of Long Island’s East End. The core of this event is the enjoyment of top-notch East End food and wine singly or paired. Wölffer Estate Vineyard in Sagaponack is at the center, but the festivities will spread across both forks. Go to harvesteastend.com for details.

Make your reservations ASAP! On Monday evenings thru October 10th renowned Chef Todd Jacobs will be putting his spin on the Lobster Bake at Allegria Hotel in Long Beach (516) 992-3730. It will feature lobster, shellfish, steaks and ribs, salads, buffet and more for $68/person (plus tax, service and drinks). And there is a special deal for Pulse readers—mention this offer and receive a complimentary glass of Sangria.

LoLa in Great Neck (516) 466-5666 keeps proving that they are among the top establishments for duck preparations with a Fall Foie Gras and Duck Tasting Menu, available September 1-30 for $70/person. Enjoy a couple of preparations of Hudson Valley Foie Gras followed by the pièce de résistance—Whole Roasted Heirloom Hudson Valley Lola Duck with Duck Prosciutto, Root Vegetable Gratin and Lola Brussels Sprouts.

Finally, LI classic rockers will appreciate the haps on Sundays from 6-9pm at The Stone Turtle in Island Park (516) 431-6570. It’s “American Pie” night with, in a nod to the classic Don McLean song, half-price scotches, bourbons and whiskeys—all of your favorites will be available from Johnny Walker to Jack Daniels to Wild Turkey and everything in between. Be like “them good ole boys” and knock back a few.

As with much of the business world, the fourth quarter is very important to the wine industry. September launches the end of harvest in most northern hemisphere wine regions and once the wine is safely aging in barrels, many wine companies promote their recently-released wines to distributors, restaurants, retailers and consumers at special tastings. If you can get an invite to any of these, I highly recommend moving your schedule to make it possible. Most of the “trade” tastings take place during work hours, so if you’re not in the wine trade, you’ll have to take time off and have someone in the trade make arrangements for you. These tastings are big, crowded and can be very overwhelming, so go with a plan. I get a tasting book and map out my day. I have tasted wine at these types of events for more than a decade, and my palate can usually handle between forty and sixty wines in one tasting (that’s using a spittoon with every wine). Trade tasting events offer between several hundred up to almost a thousand wines, so strategy and spitting are very important.

Some of the best events I have attended were organized by trade organizations such as the Inter Rhône, Taste Napa Valley, Alto-Adige Tour, Wines of Santa Barbara County, etc. These events often feature seminars along with the tasting and anytime there is an educational wine seminar, I highly recommend attending. Not only is there great information but also some very interesting wines. I was at such a seminar featuring the wine producers of Alto-Adige and had the rare opportunity to taste a vertical of Sauvignon Blancs from Cantina Terlano that included a wine from the 1960s. The oldest Sauvignon Blanc of the tasting was stunning. I would gladly buy a case of Terlano’s Sauvignon Blanc and taste it every year or so while it evolves, a very rare wine and opportunity.

One way to find out about these tastings is through the localwineevents.com website, though it is very unlikely you will find any trade wine events listed there. Finding and getting invited to trade wine events can be a bit tricky. The trade events are not open to the public for several reasons: One reason is the cost of the event; another is legal (alcohol is a controlled substance); the other is the public generally doesn’t understand how to behave at such events.

So if you get the opportunity to attend such an event, have some decorum—unfortunately even people in the trade don’t always know proper tasting behavior. Spitting is proper behavior; not spitting is a recipe for bad behavior! The best tastings have someone from the winery pouring the wine for you (owner, winemaker or employee), so be polite. If the winery representative is talking to someone, be patient. It’s a trade tasting; they might be doing some business. Other rules for attending a tasting: After you get a taste of wine poured for you, move away from the table to take your note and ponder the wine; don’t stand in front of the spittoon; don’t hog the person pouring the wines. If you go to a tasting table with a “rock star” winemaker or owner pouring, don’t show off, listen. If you want to ask a question, do so, but think it through first. Asking a famous winemaker something silly just wastes everyone’s time and you might even hear a couple of snickers behind you.

Dear Dr. Love,
I am in the personal training business. I train a lot of wealthy men. I hear all about how unhappy they are at home. Most of them get treated poorly, both in and out of the bedroom, by their spouses. I’m just wondering when women took over the masculinity of their households.

Tommy Boy, Glen Cove

Dear Tommy Boy,
I think you’ve been hiding out at the gym a little too much! If you ask most married men who “runs the show,” I’m afraid the answer is the woman.

Unfortunately, some men can lose their masculinity by confusing it with a word called dominance. In a perfect world, married people or singles who are in a relationship should have a 50-50 equality, but it never is. I know from personal experience.

Tommy Boy, the women of 2010 are a unique breed. Many are earning more than their husbands and/or boyfriends. And, they spend this money as they see fit. No need to get approval.

Some of my friends like the idea that the woman plans the events, where and what to have for dinner, what movie to see, when to have sex, etc. For me, as an alpha dog, it rubs me wrong.

Perhaps your clients are just making small talk with you so you’ll feel sorry for their misery and will go easy with them on your training session [sic].

But I bet what they confide in you is enough to keep you single, right? Just have fun.

Readers, what do you think? Send your questions to: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Until next month, happy dating!

Here’s to WFUV, the world’s greatest radio station! Here’s to Fordham University (welcome back to school!) and the entire borough of the Bronx for giving us this gift! Here’s to 90.7 and the left side of the dial—keep doing what you do! Here’s to new towers and to new transmitters and to live streaming if you’re out of range! Here’s to never being out of range!

Here’s to innovative programming! Here’s to city folk and rockin’ roots! Here’s to knowledgeable on-air voices who read our minds! Here’s to Sunday morning shine with John Platt! Here’s to the delightful idiots of Saturday night! Please never change! Here’s to Rita, Corny, Claudia, and Pete! Too many beauties to name! Here’s to the Mixed Bag, The Grateful Dead Hour, and The Group Harmony Review! How you transport our late night drives! Here’s to the best Irish music this side of the Atlantic! Here’s to national and local public radio! Here’s to The Alternate Side! I see you! I see what you’re doing! And I like it!

Here’s to commercial-free independent radio! Here’s to 1947! The day WFUV was born! Here’s to the students behind the scenes! Here’s to education! Here’s to the fusion of new and old. Here’s to Wilco and Buddy Guy! Here’s to Suzanne Vega and Norah Jones! Here’s to punk and rock and folk and jazz and rhythm and blues and indie and country and reggae and singers and songwriters and little bands and big bands and jam bands and shoegazers and emo and alternative and heavy and light and everything in between that’s quality, quality, quality! Here’s to quality!

And while we’re at it, here’s to the entirety of radio, oh glorious radio! You still mean! You still glow! You still teach! You still send your secret messages out to the world to which in return we scream, “Yes! We’re alive! We’re here! It’s summer! And we listen to the radio because it’s great to listen to something and know that other people are listening too!” We turn you up, WFUV! We roll the windows down and turn you up, up, up! wfuv.org.

Bostwick’s Chowder House
East Hampton (631) 324-1111

There’s no better time to visit the Hamptons than autumn. There’s no better month than September and there’s no better restaurant to capture the relaxed, laid back spirit of the season and the area than a place like Bostwick’s Chowder House. Diners can sit outside soaking up the last warm rays of the sun under green umbrellas at too tiny tables covered with red and white oil cloth.

Bostwick’s Chowder House is an amalgam of Cherrystone Clam and Lobster Shack and Bostwick’s Seafood Grill, located where Snowflake once stood on Pantigo Road, better known as Montauk Highway. It’s a rough and ready roadside restaurant offering a menu and blackboard of no surprise traditional American seafood favorites. Think chowders, bisque, fried clams and oysters, fish and chips, local flounder and swordfish and especially lobster rolls. The last is the heaviest, biggest and best of its breed on the East End or perhaps anywhere in Christendom. Its piled high super fresh lobster meat spills to either side of the king sized hot dog bun that can’t quite hold its contents. Accompanied by two sides of above average cole slaw, average French fries or reasonably good potato salad, it’s priced at an entrée level ($21) and worth every penny of it.

Before going any further, it should be said, (if you haven’t already come to the conclusion) that Bostwick’s is anything but a sleek, sophisticated spot with silken white glove style service. Though the waitstaff is usually friendly and competent. For instance, don’t be surprised if entrées arrive while you’re still on your appetizers (ours did) and whether you’re outside, on the gravel floored patio or inside in the simple bare bones fish house dining room, don’t look for a breadbasket, there is none, and be prepared to eat with plastic utensils out of plastic baskets. If such niceties matter little or not at all to you, sit back and dig into the likes of plump, whole clam bellies ($19), New England and Manhattan clam chowders ($6), lobster bisque ($7), fresh local fish specials of the day or steamed lobsters. Wash them down with one of the local wines and then check out the limited, homey dessert list of cookies ($8), soft ice cream ($2-$5), key lime pie ($5), watermelon ($3), root beer float ($4) or a milkshake ($5).

Those chowders are dense with varied first class ingredients, the bisque has a welcome touch of Sherry and the four baked stuffed clams in the well seasoned appetizer were generously laced with clam bits. They looked blackish and overcooked on their surface but tasted just fine.

Diners seeking flavor, taste, quantity and quality should temporarily ignore all the warnings they’ve heard about avoiding fried foods, for they are among the most outstanding picks at Bostwick’s. Comfort food classics such as monster sized fresh whole clam bellies, sensibly and sensitively battered, accompanied by a diminutive bit of tartar sauce, and fried oysters with a heady, vibrant remoulade sauce are unqualifiedly recommended. A grilled swordfish special that was as smooth as snow benefited from a blanket of capers and scallions with sides of sautéed red potatoes and cole slaw.

Desserts seemed almost anticlimactic. There are Snowflake throwbacks like that soft serve ice cream with various toppings, milkshakes (chocolate or vanilla) with a ton of that same soft serve ice cream (ditto for the root beer float) and a key lime pie with a tart, tangy taste. Best of all was the dessert of the day, a slice of gooey, decadent, deeply flavored chocolate layer cake.

Wild Honey on Main
Port Washington (516) 439-5324

The word is out about Wild Honey on Main in Port Washington. Very shortly after it opened, invited friends and family mingled with paying customers; the newly arrived baby brother of Wild Honey in Oyster Bay was packed on a weeknight. The forty seat storefront spot is owned by Tina and Rob O’Brien, the husband and wife team that have successfully operated Wild Honey in Oyster Bay for six and a half years and failed to replicate that success at Wild Harvest in Glen Cove. The tiny, cozy Port Washington outpost is a more appropriate size and style for the O’Brien’s than the cavernous, Southern skewed spot.

They carried over a number of Oyster Bay favorites (like the crispy calamari with Thai barbecue sauce), put a number of interesting spins on others and added some completely new dishes as well. They’ve also moved Roberto Caez, their German-Cuban chef from Oyster Bay. (He will now rotate between the two.) The result is a culinary jackpot for the O’Brien’s in Port Washington.
Wild Honey on Main is a small, narrow and charming place of brick, mirrors, Middle American landscape art, white tablecloths and high ceilings where Bistro du Village had been. Despite those high ceilings, its hard surfaces generate a noisy din. And despite all the hubbub, the upbeat Tina O’Brien seems well able to handle the entire dining room by herself.

A preview of the menu’s sophisticated fare that features creative ingredient combinations was illustrated by a complementary amuse of spice rubbed veal and thin peach slices topped by a dollop of caramelized shallots. It was a harmony of sweetness and pungency. That menu ranges from simple and satisfying to sophisticated. There is also an appealing tapas bar menu ($6 to $12) that is served at tables as well as the bar.

Among the dishes sampled in the first category were appetizers like Maryland crab claws ($11), light, manageable finger food complemented by honey Dijonaise, pickled red onion and toasted bread crumbs and three large, soothing, tender spinach and truffle baked oysters ($9). Bolder choices were the soft, sweet, tender chile and honey pork tostadas ($9) with its Latin/Asian accompaniments (wonton crisp, roast corn pico de gallo, avocado and lime purée) and the numero uno starter, the smoked kielbasa skewer ($9), three slices of sausage drizzled with spicy mustard and imaginatively paired with a crisp-coated sauerkraut and horseradish croquette.

Typical of the simple, straightforward entrées was the moist, tasty version of often mundane roasted (French cut) chicken ($18) and a generous pile of herb panko crusted baby lamb chops ($25) with scant panko. Seafood aficionados should target the fresh, thick, yet delicately cooked pan seared sea bass ($25). This gleaming ivory hued fish is enhanced by its warm weather accompaniments of summer spinach sauté and smoked corn emulsion.

A beautifully cooked piece of crunchy and tender cracklin’ pork shank ($24) topped the list of entrées. This mellow, mammoth meat, perched on a bed of creamy saffron orzo is much like pulled pork with a Sherry wine glaze. Consider the jalapeño jack mac and cheese ($6) as a side. Not to worry about the jalapeño, it bestows just enough kick to elevate the dish above standard versions.
Desserts are a bit more limited than the eight appetizer and eight entrée choices, especially when the sorbet and berry (both $6) possibilities are eliminated. The sour cream cheese cake ($8) is standard stuff and the respectable warm summer peach cake ($8) is dominated by its spiced caramel. Two super sweets are the iron skillet smores pie ($8), a layered affair of decadent, dark chocolate ganache on a sweet graham cracker crust sealed with a cap of tiny toasted marshmallows. But the ultimate chocolate and vanilla finale is the cake and shake ($9), a warm, gooey chocolate cake next to a glass of vanilla malt shake festooned with fresh, real whipped cream…yes!

NASSAU

Social Sports Kitchen
(516) 489-8080, Uniondale
socialsportskitchen.com
Upscale Manhattan-style bar/restaurant/lounge opened by Wayne Chrebet (New York Jets) and Danny Gagnon (Season Five Top Chef contestant). Location of SSK will be familiar to Hofstra and Adelphi alumni (Bogart’s!), but that’s where the nostalgia ends. No teen nights here. A Samuel Adams beer dinner in late-July could mean another establishment on Long Island is answering our calls for high-quality beer events. Stay tuned.

Johnny McGorey’s Irish Pub
(516) 797-8584, Massapequa Park
johnnymcgoreyspub.com
Can’t believe it was almost three years ago that I first stumbled into McGorey’s with some friends to catch some World Extreme Cagefighting (WEC). Memories. Good to see the daily “Happy Hour until 7pm” special still lives.

McQuades Neighborhood Grill
(516) 256-2820, Lynbrook
mcquadesneighborhoodgrill.com
ALL HAIL THE SUNDAY BRUNCH!!!

SUFFOLK

Kodiak’s Restaurant and Bar
(631) 414-7055, Farmingdale
kodiaksrestaurant.net
I love Kodiak’s website. Nothing like a background of vast, mountainous terrain while browsing through drink specials and event calendars. Makes me feel like I’m planning a camping trip to Big Sur. Anyway. Real gem is their selection of craft drafts, which is almost entirely comprised of New York selections (Captain Lawrence, Fire Island, Ithaca, Kelso, Lake Placid, Long Ireland, Sixpoint, etc.). There’s even bottled Keegan. Props!

Molly Malone’s
(631) 969-2232, Bay Shore
mollymalonesbayshore.com
Summer may be over, but Molly Malone’s and the Great South Bay stays open 365 days per year. Personally, I enjoy Long Island water and its surroundings most during a crisp, low-key afternoon in the fall. Anyone with me?

Nick & Toni’s
(631) 324-3550, East Hampton
nickandtonis.com
Not one, but two organic breweries (Wolaver’s, Peak Brewing) are served up at N&T’s, which fits perfectly, considering their produce is fresh grown in their own one-acre organic garden.

Click here to follow Niko Krommydas and his blog, Super Neat Beer Adventure, Yes!!, where you can find more nightlife reviews.

Stringent parameters exist in English law for whisky to be called Scotch, as seen in the most crucial parts of the Scotch Whisky Regulations 2009, which every Scotch distillery must follow:

The Basic Elements: It must be produced from water and malted barley with the possible addition of only whole grains of other cereals.
The Process: It must be processed into a mash, be acted upon by very specific types of enzymes, fermented only by yeast and matured in oak casks for at least three years.
No Additives: Nothing can be added except water and/or caramel coloring.
The Kick: It cannot exceed 94.8% alcoholic strength.
Pairings: Red and smoked meats, cheese, cigars, chocolate.

Featured here: Speymalt Macallan Distillery 1972. Available for $299 at Hamptons Wine Shoppe, Westhampton Beach. hamptonswineshoppe.com.

The Macallan Distillery was established in 1824 on land leased from the Earl of Seafield by Alexander Reid, an innovative farmer and distiller.

The Macallan Estate, home of The Macallan Distillery, grows Minstrel Barley exclusively for use in their Scotch. It has the desired rich and oily character, is low in nitrogen and high in starch (good for the fermentation process) and is more expensive than other barleys.

Scientifically watering down Scotch occurs at distilleries as Scotch straight from the cask can have too assertive a flavor. In the glass, some say that a pinch of water enhances the aroma and therefore the taste of the liquor, but can dilute the quality of the drink. Tread lightly.

One of my long-standing pet peeves in the wine industry has to due with wine packaged in massive bottles. The design of these bottles is meant to impress people looking at wines on a retail shelf. My issues with these heavy bottles started while a Sommelier. Pulling one of these beasts off a shelf at a store may make one feel important, but carrying two or three bottles to a table of twenty then serving them is like going to the gym. The reason for those massive bottles is sales—market research has shown that bigger bottles get more attention in stores. Yet most of the wines in the big bottles are focused on restaurant and direct ship markets, two areas where size really is a pain and in the case of direct shipment, more costly and less green. Just to clarify, the big bottles I speak of do not hold more wine, but the same amount (750ml) as a typical bottle. Recently, a bottle of Pahlmeyer Red was open on my kitchen counter. I went to pour a touch only to discover the bottle empty! I couldn’t tell by the weight of the bottle whether it was totally full or empty (talk about disappointment).

There are some wonderful bottle designs that I do like. Some are great because of the shape, while others have great labels or closures. Closure is wine-speak for what keeps the wine in the bottle—a real cork, a fake cork, a screw cap, a crown-cap (think beer), a glass-closure. Due to the cost and failure rate of real corks, many producers are using screw caps and other methods of closure. Some screw caps almost look like a normal wine cap with a cork, until you go to open it. And glass closures have the elegance and natural character that make them closest to a real cork. I am not a fan of fake corks (corks made of some synthetic product). They are difficult to remove, close to impossible to put back into the bottle and they don’t seal the wine as well as either a screw cap, a glass closure or a real cork.

As for bottle design, there are producers that are beginning to use lighter glass to lighten their carbon footprint and there are bottles of all kinds of shapes and styles. These can be fun and cool, but sometimes offer problems with storage bins in wine cellars. A new trend in wine is having some information about the wine on the back label and even more available at a website. This is great for the curious, but the information can vary greatly from just a tease to way more than even the most wine savvy or curious would want. A winery’s web presence can help enhance their brand awareness and their brand image, so there has been great innovation in that area. Sometimes it helps the brand, sometimes it hurts, but when you find a wine that intrigues you, take a moment to visit their website.

There are two factors that contribute to Nassau and Suffolk’s status as one of the contemporary culinary centers of the world—access to fresh ingredients and the creation of innovative dishes, these days by integration of formerly disparate cuisines. This unbridled creativity is balanced out by LI’s abundance of restaurants serving old-fashioned meat and potatoes-type eats, good since the olden days and still satisfying today.

Don’t blink or you’ll miss it! The Farm Country Kitchen in Riverhead (631) 369-6311 is a rarity in that they change their menu every day to correspond to the freshest in-season ingredients available. Currently they are offering an array of salads, their spinach salad being a veritable “who’s who” of veggies at their ripest: baby spinach, sugar snap peas, red onions, cabbage, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, mated with a honey/mint marinated chicken, cheese olives, chick peas, feta and gorgonzola cheese. More dishes crafted from local ingredients can be had at A Mano in Mattituck (631) 298- 4800. One Antipasto selection from their $24.95 Price Fix menu is sautéed Satur Farms (located in Cutchogue) tri-color cauliflower, pine nuts, golden raisins, proscuitto and pecorino. The combined “Primi & Secondi” course has a dish of local flounder, specially prepared “8 hour tomatoes,” mushrooms, capers, new potatoes, arugala and orvieto. A selection of desserts rounds out the price fix.

If progress in the culinary arts involves integration, as many assert, then LoLa in Great Neck (516) 466-5666 is definitely taking that next step. This can be seen in their distinctly Oriental version of the classic hamburger on their lunch menu. Called “Peking Duck sliders” for $15, which is a trio of sliced Peking duck breast (a famously labor-intensive Chinese preparation of this avian species) on a bun with toppings for $15. Their menu changes seasonally so they will surely be whipping up new surprises for Fall and beyond.

Hearkening back to the way Native Americans and colonists noshed on seafood, Four Seasons Caterer in Southampton (631) 283-3354 is putting on their highly anticipated Sunday clambakes in August. Call them for details. Finally, the Rothmann’s Steakhouse in East Norwich (516) 922-2500 has been a fixture on the LI fine dining scene for more than 100 years, and still provides top-quality seafood, a range of potato dishes, a large wine cellar and, of course, some of the best steaks in the land.

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NAVY BEACH
(631) 668-6868 Montauk

Navy Beach captures the essence of Montauk. Just a few feet from Fort Pond Bay, with a spectacular (especially at sunset) view of Block Island Sound and Gardiners Island, this beach house restaurant is neither elegant nor ramshackled. Rather, it is, like Montauk itself, mellow, laid back and relaxing. Inside, Navy Beach is light-touch nautical with a few portholes, fishing rods here and there, shadow boxes that display vintage bathing suits and caps, well spaced bare, blue top tables, massive overhead wood beams from ships of yore and comfortable blue and white flecked chairs. Flickering candles in sand-filled jars and fishnet hanging lights illuminate the dining room while tables and umbrellas dot the beach outside.

If the underplayed interior and the sensational water views are perfect fits for Montauk, so too is the seafood-skewed menu. It is short, appropriate and consistently well-executed by Paul LaBue, a veteran East End kitchen commander known for previous stints at Nick and Toni’s, The Laundry and The Beacon. With the water of nearby Fort Pond Bay lapping onto the little beach that fronts the restaurant, only the unobservant will order anything but the fresh and in this case, creatively executed seafood dishes. Indeed, the only entrée misstep was the too-chewy steak in the steak frites ($26). After that, it was clear sailing with a grilled whole branzino ($29) with an enhancing sweet soy ginger dressing accompanied by cucumber slaw, jumbo, delicately battered seafood and chips ($21) with a generous helping of tender shrimp, scallops and cod and a rich rendition of summer lobster pie capped by an airy puff pastry lid and replete with sizable lobster morsels and fresh vegetables. An outstanding and substantial side of truffle mac ($9) was also noteworthy.

The starters were, if anything, even better than the main courses. Even diners who usually sidestep little neck clams ($12), flipped over Navy Beach’s version, a well-conceived meld of warm white beans and tomatoes given a welcome kick from some snappy chorizo. Jumbo lump crab cake presented with green apple fennel slaw ($14) yielded fresh and diverse flavors. Ceviche ($12) is quite a production here with its green olives, avocado, cilantro and sweet onion components. The small but special bowl of clam and corn chowder ($9) boasted distinct and pleasant clam and corn flavors.

Key lime cheesecake, our first dessert choice, was unavailable as were two of the three rosés on the wine list (it’s a summertime choice of many diners.) Two of the remaining three sweets scored. Aside from a stalish chocolate lava cake that wasn’t warm or soft as it should’ve been, a berry Napoleon alive with fresh berries was like eating a piece of summer and a CMP (Chocolate ganache, housemade marshmallow and peanuts) sundae is a colossal concoction that would’ve been even more impressive in a sundae glass.

Navy Beach is agreeable and easy-to-take. The only possible problem here is finding this isolated, remote restaurant. It’s well worth the search.

SERAFINA
(631) 267-3500 East Hampton

Serafina, a Manhattan transplant in East Hampton has become one of the East End’s hottest restaurants. On the night I visited, just about every seat was taken by 6:30 and it was standing room only by 7. Many of those seats were filled by Upper East Siders summering in the Hamptons who know Serafina from the City where it has five restaurants, three of them on the East Side. While Serafina, located on the site of the former Matto, has an attractive dining room with a cathedral ceiling of billowing white fabric, warm-weather diners are missing the point if they don’t opt for the outdoor patio under an overhead tarp that fends off the sun while allowing refreshing breezes to flow over its paper-covered white table cloths dotted with pink napery.

Serafina predictably exhibits many of the virtues and some of the conceits of its big city roots. Among its virtues are appetizers of tender, grease-free calamari ($9.75) fried in Italian peanut oil and served with a snappy tomato dip, a creative goat cheese and spinach salad ($14.95) of baby spinach, warm goat cheese, roasted pine nuts and honey that was slightly underdressed, and a fresh, terrific tricolor salad ($9.95), rimmed with pear slices and almost transparent shaved Parmesan.

Serafina’s much-touted thin-crusted pizza, in this case a Margherita ($14.95), needed plenty of salt to bring its flavor to life.

Seven of the nine appetizers are in the pricy $12.50 to $17 category while eight of the ten salads cost from $10.50 to $16.95.

Unlike the pizza, Cornish hen ($22), usually a bland, safe choice for less than adventurous eaters, was a super entrée here. Marinated in extra virgin olive oil, garlic, sage and rosemary, then grilled, it’s a juicy, tasty treat. Rigatoni alla Bolognese ($16.95) was the hearty, husky dish diners expect when they order this peasanty preparation. Gnocchi “di Mama” properly light, airy potato dumplings dotted with cherry tomatoes generated pleasant though only a mildly discernable flavor. And veal scaloppini ($24), three thin, flat, cutlets barely touched with lemon and capers were dull and uninteresting.

Most desserts are priced at $8.50. We sampled a satisfactory, tiny panna cotta, a large square of coffee dominated tiramisu and a gutsy brick oven apple pie that featured thin, upright slices of nice, ripe apples.

As to the conceits, Serafina has no butter, no soups and takes no reservations for parties smaller than six. Additionally, while bread is served with meals, patrons who want focaccia, something commonly found in the bread baskets of Italian restaurants, diners must pay $6 for it at Serafina.

Finally, as Serafina got busier, our service accelerated greatly in an unmistakable effort to turn our table over. By meal’s end we felt rushed as an unrequested check was presented the very second we had taken our last bite. An unfortunate ending for an otherwise respectable restaurant, serving some exemplary dishes.

Dear Dr. Love,
I just read your column today about psychos in the June issue of Pulse. Very funny! As a 34-year-old professional single woman, I sometimes wonder if marriage was developed by society or religious institutions. Since you were married and now divorced, what is your opinion about “the sacred marriage vow”? I’ve been a longtime reader of your column and although I don’t always agree with what you say, you do provide a forum for discussion.

Valerie, Jericho

Dear Valerie,
I’m glad you find my columns “funny.” If every Pulse reader can smile and pick up an idea or two, I’ve done my job (and you need not agree with my words of wisdom).

Your letter doesn’t indicate if you were ever married, but I assume not. Valerie, when you do meet the right guy, you’ll know it! But in these times, the only sacred document you better have is called a pre-nup. And I’m not kidding.

I don’t know if the marriage vow means as much as in previous decades or centuries ago. I can hold my head up high knowing when I was married, I never strayed. Now that I’m single, I meet many married men (and yes, women) who are out for a night to party and just let loose. I don’t buy it. A woman and a man who are married go out together. Period. End of story.

No psychiatrist or marriage counselor can keep two people together unless it’s what both of them really want. And I still think weddings are great. Who knows? You never can tell who will be on the line behind you at your local King Kullen. Get the idea?

Until next month, happy dating! Please send me your questions to be answered in my column by email at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

NASSAU

Brasserie 214 Restaurant
(516) 354-7797, New Hyde Park
innatnhp.com
Restaurant inside of The Inn at New Hyde Park. Houses lots of rare imported goodies (Eggenberger, Appenzeller, Floris, etc.) that I haven’t come across at any other places on Long Island. Also has Old Speckled Hen. Yum.

Hemingway’s American Bar & Grill
(516) 781-2700, Wantagh
hemingwaysgrill.com
The Sun Also Rises…in Wantagh. Sorry, I tried not to reference old Ernest, but with Hemingway’s traditional, wood-paneled décor, I really did feel like I was dining inside of the “Great American Novel.” Definitely worth a visit.

Tennessee Jed’s
(516) 308-3355, Wantagh
tennesseejeds.li
Two of my most favorite things are at Jed’s: 1) barbeque food and 2) Sea Dog Wild Blueberry. Extra points for the Grateful Dead reference.

SUFFOLK

Portside Bar & Grill
(631) 331-3390, Port Jefferson
Port Jefferson’s newest watering hole. Thing I love mostest about Portside has to be their draught selection, which is comprised mostly of local crafts (Blue Point, Fire Island, Long Ireland, etc.). Way to support Strong Island, boys.

Legends Pub
(631) 734-5123, New Suffolk
legends-restaurant.com
Over one hundred brews to choose from at Legends, doubled. That means Legends offers over two hundred brews. I could have just said two hundred initially, but I didn’t feel like it. I’m annoying. Legends isn’t annoying, though, so head over. Also running a Firkin (refers to type of cask-conditioned ale) Fridays promotion this summer. Call ahead for Firkin contents.

Black Forest Brew Haus
(631) 391-9500, Farmingdale
blackforestbrewhaus.com
German-style brewpub that uses ancient recipes (only hops, malt, yeast and water—no additives or preservatives are used) to produce award-winning beer. Expect a variant tap or two, to go with the always-offered Hefe, Pils and Amber. Growlers available. Tours, too.

Mr. Nice Guy was everyone’s friend at the poker table. But I hated his guts. Not away from the table—when we weren’t playing poker, he was one of my best friends. But I hated playing with him because more often than not, he took a bite out of my bankroll. He took bigger bites from everyone else, but because he was so jovial and a really fun guy to hang out with, they enjoyed losing money to him.

Mr. Nice Guy always asked other players personal questions. He’d ask where they were from, did they have kids, what kind of work did they do, etc. They were always happy to tell him. But Mr. Nice Guy didn’t really care if your little kid just hit his first home run in little league or that you were the youngest son of a mineworker and the first person in your family to go to college. Mr. Nice Guy was fishing for information.

We were approaching the money cut-off in a multi-table tournament when my table broke and I was moved to a table that more resembled a friendly Friday night poker game in someone’s basement than an intense tournament with thousands of dollars on the line. I was seated to the left of Mr. Nice Guy who had a huge stack of chips and a gaggle of new friends eager to see him win even if it meant losing all their chips. Everyone at the table was rooting for him.

I was on the button and a banker-looking fellow raised from early position. Mr. Nice Guy reraised and I looked down at pocket Jacks. Facing a raise and a reraise, it was an easy fold, but I thought Mr. Nice Guy could be playing on his image, believing Banker would fold. I pondered for a moment but folded. Banker folded immediately too and Mr. Nice Guy showed pocket 10s.

Mr. Nice Guy pulled in a decent pot and I saw two players pump their fists as if they’d won the pot. The game continued and Mr. Nice Guy took control. He raised or reraised almost every hand and everyone stayed out of his way. They seemed happy to give their chips to him without a fight. They kept saying things like: “Good hand.” “Nice bet.” “I’ll fold cuz it’s you.” But nobody took a stand against him.

After several rounds, we were one person away from the money and Banker raised again from early position. Mr. Nice Guy reraised exactly as he had before and I looked down at pocket Kings. I went in the tank for a minute to make it seem like I had a tough decision then I slowly pushed my entire stack to the middle. Banker’s cards hit the muck before I had my chips all the way out. Mr. Nice Guy looked back at his cards and said, “Well, I’m a nice guy, if I’m gonna double anyone up, might as well be you. I call.” He turned over Ace-King of clubs.

The flop came down all low cards with no clubs. The turn was no help to him and the dealer hesitated before turning the river—Ace. Mr. Nice Guy offered a really sincere apology as he raked in my chips, but all I could muster was, “Not so nice.”

LiV Vodka is made from 100% potatoes and is thus gluten free. Plus, it’s grown and made here on Long Island.

It takes 15 pounds of potatoes to make 1 bottle of LiV Vodka.

The word “Vodka,” with varying dates attributed to its origin (both the word and the beverage), is Russian for “little water” (voda= “water,” ka= a diminutive suffix).

Long Island Spirits, Inc. has released its new family of spirits called Sorbetta. Crafted in micro-batches from the spirits of LiV Vodka, Sorbettas are the first potato-based liqueur available in the US.

Ah, July. It is Long Island’s seasonal apex, when the buzz in restaurants of every stripe is at its peak. Dining by the water? Check. Innovative eats? Double check. Vino to go along with it all? Triple check.

Being that LI is surrounded by water on all sides, dining al aqua is a ubiquitous experience, especially in the summer. While some waterside establishments serve the same old tired, deep-fried grub, two eateries are providing top-notch vittles to complement the scenery. Surf’s Out Restaurant in Kismet, Fire Island (631) 583-7400 is a newly renovated space that, in addition to sweeping views from the outdoor dining deck, provides Italian specialties, fresh seafood, and a sushi menu. Arrive at the restaurant by land or by boat. The Surf Lodge in Montauk (631) 668-1562 is offering the majestic scenery of “The End” along with dual dining options. Executive Chef and Top Chef alum Sam Talbot, oversees the distinctly Hawaiian lunch service from 11am to 4pm. The other option, especially for the late night partiers, is The Food Stand, which is open from 11pm-3am and serves up more Hawaiian deliciousness, fish tacos, lobster rolls and organic herbal iced tea to The Surf Lodge guests and patrons late night from 11pm until 3am.

And just in case you were beginning to feel that a certain staidness has infused the LI dining scene, the menu at The Stone Turtle in Island Park (516) 431-6570 is proof that that assertion is false. Executive Chef Gregory Baumel has masterminded a head-turning menu with a palette of fresh, seasonal ingredients. These include Screaming Oysters, which are east coast oysters lightly poached in a sauce of sake, oyster sauce, chilis and cilantro served with crostini, and Four Cheese and Wild Boar Sausage Lasagna, which consists of mozzarella, ricotta, parmesan and romano cheese baked with lasagna noodles, housemade tomato sauce and 100% organic free-range wild boar sausage from Broken Arrow Ranch, Texas.

Finally, two of the latest wines from Wölffer Estate Vineyard in Sagaponack (631) 537-5106 are the perfect accompaniment to an LI summer. These are the 2009 “Classic White”—a white wine blend with lychee/papaya/apple and lime notes and a flavor of peachy minerality and a 2009 “Wölffer Estate Rosé,” a rosé with gooseberry/wild strawberry/peach/lime notes and a blueberry/grapefruit flavor.

Send your food news to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

BAR FRITES
Greenvale (516) 484-7500

Eating at Bar Frites, a new French bistro in Greenvale, I thought of the politically incorrect line from South Pacific about a girl being “broad where a broad should be broad.” Similarly, to be a good French bistro, a bistro has to be good with classic bistro dishes like escargots, onion soup, foie gras, mousse, steaks, burgers, skate, bouillabaisse, French fries and the like. Judging from a recent visit, Bar Frites succeeds on this score.

Bar Frites also looks the part with its white subway tile walls, pressed tin ceiling, hanging old-fashioned globe lights, tiny tile bar room floor, slow-turning overhead fans and mirrors that list the restaurant’s menu. An al fresco dining area, dishrag napkins, stacks of loaves of bread and spiffy servers garbed in white bistro aprons and black ties complete the authentic milieu.

This unpretentious, pleasurable, though very noisy, French bistro was probably the hottest restaurant on Long Island when I visited it about two and a half weeks after its opening (we were given a choice of 5pm or 10pm reservations, although more than half the tables were unoccupied until after 7pm when things heated up). No doubt the deservedly good reputation of owners Gillis and George Poll, who also own Bryant and Cooper, Toku, Majors and Cipollini, lured at least some patrons.

The most savvy ones among them will head for the traditional French comfort food like the puff pastry capped escargots swimming in snappy parsley laced garlic butter, the chicken liver and foie gras mousse that’s velvety perfection, the rustic, generously portioned, zingy steak tartare or the fresh, exemplary red and golden beet salad enhanced by its baby arugula, pecans, goat cheese and green beans in a tangerine vinaigrette. Only a standard mixed green salad priced at $8 falls below the $11 to $15 price for appetizers. Although the plats du jour (aka: specials of the day) go for $24 to $55 (for a 2 pound lobster), two entrées, an omelet and a burger cost $15. A number of dishes similar to those at Bar Frites cost less at some other local French bistros.

Aside from a light, though flavorless French style pasta of shrimp and asparagus that needed to be livened up, I’d order most of the main courses again. The steak frites ($32) features a tender, juicy New York strip steak and a big batch of crisp, thin French fries. A thick, tall, dryish, overcooked hamburger ($15) was slightly chewy on a slightly too stiff roll, but the sautéed skate ($24), a bistro mainstay, tasted like a Parisian creation at its best.

There were no strikeouts among the desserts ($7.50 to $9) that included an unusually soft, tender apple tarte tartin; a thin, tangy, terrific lemon meringue tart; a luscious, rich chocolate mousse; and an intense, best-on-the-Island, molten chocolate cake accompanied by a cylinder of whipped cream.

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GULF COAST KITCHEN
Montauk (631) 668-3100

Diners who liked the Gulf Coast Kitchen in 2009 will probably enjoy it even more this time around. Last year, in an effort to revive the nearly moribund Lighthouse Grill in the glamorous waterfront Montauk Yacht Club, a new restaurant and chef created a luxurious East End scene that featured dishes and ingredients from the Gulf Coast, Cuba and Mexico. That lovely, nautical scene remains as do the delightful dining rooms with their white wicker chairs, potted plants, antique touches and massive stone fireplace.

This season, while the name is the same, the Gulf Coast Kitchen is a different place with a new chef and menu. The chef is Robbin Haas, a veteran kitchen commander with thirty years of experience at destination restaurants like Four Seasons, Turnberry Isle Resort and China Grill as well as his own two eating places. His new American menu stresses local farm- and sea-to-table ingredients. It avoids culinary pyrotechnics and fancified, frou frou food, instead emphasizing fresh, authentic New American dishes that let the taste of those ingredients shine.

Many of the finest picks are also the simplest, like hand-cut pasta that co-mingles with luscious strips of soft, slow-roasted veal and a generous sprinkling of mushrooms and carrots ($20), and silky butter poached lobster ($32) that demonstrated the benefits of letting the shellfish establish its own personality. Other mains worth mentioning were the plump, tender, lightly-seared diver scallops ($26) delivered with marinated lemons, herb oil and a pea shoot salad, and a super-sized, flavorful roast Berkshire pork loin ($26) that’s almost intimidating in his heft, accompanied by a warm slaw of cabbage and enhanced by its sweet Dijon mustard vinaigrette.

Among the starters, comfort came in the form of a deep bowl of delicate, not gloppy, New England Style clam chowder ($9). Airy float-away-light Acorn Hill goat cheese gnocchi were well worth their cost ($12) as was an earthy, bright, roasted beet and goat cheese salad ($13) whose two ingredients got along fine. Double cut maple glazed bacon ($14) yielded a nice balance of sweet and smoky, but contained only three strips of bacon.

The housemade desserts were up and down. A superior banana cream pie ($8) with good but scant dark chocolate sauce sported plenty of whipped cream and bananas, and a soft, fine, flaky crust. But a fruity flavored raspberry cobbler ($8), highly touted by our waiter, was scorching hot from being nuked in a microwave. A warm apple tarte tatin ($8) was made a tad too sweet by its ginger caramel and a smooth, velvety key lime pie ($7) yielded little citrusy flavor.

Service at the Gulf Coast Kitchen, though earnest and affable is often far from polished and professional. Bus girls constantly cleared dishes while other diners at the table were still eating, more than once there were no forks on the table when dishes arrived and a waiter who was given a valid gift certificate loudly embarrassed the diner who submitted it asking, “What’s this?” (As in, “What are you trying to pull?”)

Hopefully you took my advice last month and consumed some local wine or even something from upstate New York (still pretty local). Supporting local wine is important, but supporting small, artisan wineries from other states is also important. As New Yorkers, we have the ability to buy wines directly from wineries throughout the country. Thirteen states do not allow their citizens such freedom. So who controls which wines get into our local wine stores and restaurants? Big wine and beer wholesalers who have enjoyed a government-supported monopoly for the last 77 years. The country’s largest distributor has about $7 billion in annual revenue, plenty of money to force legislation through our government to protect and expand their monopoly. This year, they were finally able to get the attention of enough Congressmen and get a new bill considered, HR 5034. This legislation could roll back the free trade of wine that most states have enjoyed since 2005 and make sure the last thirteen states continue to prohibit the free trade of wine.

Wine is a very individual and passionate product, produced commercially in batches ranging from a barrel (even half barrels and quarter barrels) to tanks that hold 100,000 liters of wine. It is also a natural product, one that can be made with very little intervention. Small, artisan wine producers making wine in small batches need every opportunity to get their products on shelves, but distributors are consolidating and shrinking inventories. This shrinks the breadth of wines available at local wine stores and restaurants.

One of my favorite things about wine is that it comes from vineyards and wineries that I can visit—places where someone has put all their efforts into building and creating. At last count, there were 6,590 wineries in the United States with more than 3,000 in California alone. Of these, less than a few hundred produce 93% of all the domestic wine consumed. That leaves 7% of the market to be shared between the remaining 6,000 or so producers in the United States. If you’re a winery from that 6,000 how do you get your wines to that market? We are spoiled here in New York, and are allowed to buy wine from other states and have it shipped in. Plus, New York is one of the capitals of wine and has one of the most diverse supplies in the world. Yet even here in New York, it is impossible to find even a fraction of the wines produced in California, Washington and Oregon. Due to the current laws, we can buy wine directly from any state and have it shipped to our house. This could change if Congress passes the legislation that protects the wine, beer and spirit wholesalers.

So fight this legislation and support small, artisan wineries every chance you get. I realize it is easy to buy the same brand of Chardonnay or Pinot Grigio, but take a chance once in a while and try a Chardonnay or Pinot Grigio from Long Island, Oregon or Washington and support small winemakers.

Dear Dr. Love,
I have been divorced for two years, I am 49, extremely attractive and full of life with a great positive attitude. I put myself out there and mostly I have been meeting married men, players and men who want super young women. I am 49 and they all tell me I look at least 37, but putting all that aside, why am I not meeting quality men? I go out in NYC, Nassau and, during the summer, the Hamptons. Yes, I do want to meet a man who is attractive, successful and has a heart and soul, but where are they? I go to dating sites, personal matchmakers, and some singles events (not for me), what am I doing wrong?

Lu, Woodbury, NY

Dear Lu,
Scout’s honor: You’re doing nothing wrong! You are just not attuned to the real world of dating, but trust me, you will learn. Think of yourself as a “star” in your own reality TV series on dating called Lu’s World. Begin to realize that every person you meet, every person you date and every experience you have is for the sole purpose of growing as a person.

So what if you meet married men? I meet married women. Does that mean I have to “go there”? We all meet players (both men and women). Some are actually fun to get to know. You don’t have to marry them, but you can enjoy the experience and company.

I think your issue is a self imposed one—you may be trying too hard to find your mate. You may be too focused on the hunt. You remind me of a racehorse wearing blinders. You can only see what is directly in front of you. May I suggest that you remove your blinders and enjoy the total scene around you?

Here we are, in the month of July…the weather is warm and people seem to smile a great deal more than during the cold winter months. Make an effort to smile before the other person does first. And finally, tell your potential next date that you are looking for a man who has a heart of gold, rather than a vault of gold. Bet he won’t let you go! Good luck!

Please continue sending your questions to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). And, as always, happy dating.

NASSAU

Effin Gruven
(516) 409-1415, Bellmore
myspace.com/effingruven
Random thoughts when caught in a reverie about Effin Gruven: Chalkboard, hippie peace sign, Gouden Carolus Noël, vending machine. If you have no idea what any of that meant, head over to Effin right now. Like right Effin’ now. Only true brew powerhouse of Nassau County.

R.J. Daniels American Restaurant & Bar
(516) 536-6258, Rockville Centre
rjdaniels.com
Full menu of Healthy Living Entrées (dishes with lean meats, seafood, greens and other high-protein goodies), so you can eat out and still have a well-balanced meal. Translation: Full menu of Healthy Living Entrées (dishes with lean meats, seafood, greens and other high-protein goodies), so you can have more room in your tummy for drink, and more drink. But I didn’t just say that.

The Brass Rail
(516) 723-9103, Locust Valley
thebrassraillocustvalley.com
Gastropub with an antique bar (a visual marvel of marble, brass and wood that possesses a history more interesting than any of your deceased relatives’ furniture) that dates back to the 1880s and The Brass Rail Restaurant in Manhattan. A must see.

SUFFOLK

Brew Haus Pub
(631) 592-0472, Lindenhurst
facebook.com/brewhauspub
Kudos for the addition of, in my opinion, the most aesthetically pleasing tap handle in the beer world: Hobglobin English Ale. It’s just so creepy and awesome. I could gaze at the miniature mythical bugger for hours.

Love Lane Kitchen
(631) 298-8989, Mattituck
lovelanekitchen.com
Monthly beer and wine dinner events (past events have featured Greenport Harbor Brewing Company and Macari Vineyards) supporting local Long Island breweries and vineyards. How can you not show love to that?

Rowdy Hall
(631) 324-8555, East Hampton
rowdyhall.com
Rowdy has a book club (Rowdy Readers) that meets every Tuesday afternoon to discuss selected literature and snack on some food. Literature…in a bar? I think I may believe in heaven now. Recently renovated with a new sound system, refinished floors, etc.

I was in the early stages of a big buy-in World Poker Tour tournament. One that was full of players who won their seats online in small buy-in satellite tournaments. A majority of these internet players are accustomed to playing multiple tables online simultaneously. And they play crazy. Raising and reraising all the time no matter what cards they’re holding. The philosophy makes sense when playing so many tables online; if they lose, they just move on to the next one and if their aggression pays off, they’re in better shape to win the tournament. But in a live tournament, if they lose all their chips, there isn’t another tourney they can just jump into.

I was in the big blind when an internet donk raised it from middle position. I looked down at pocket Jacks. I reraised the pot and he went all-in instantly. I was pretty sure I had him beat though it was likely he held Ace-King in which case it was a coin flip. I knew better than to risk my tournament life on a fifty-fifty shot at this point, so I folded.

As the tournament progressed, I built my chip stack slowly but surely, avoiding big pots and winning as many small pots as I could. The Donk and several of his cohorts continued their ultra-aggressive play. Some made their moves at the wrong times and were sent to the rail while The Donk ran over everyone else and built a huge chip lead.

I was in the little blind when The Donk raised from middle position. I looked down at Pocket Kings. “I reraise,” I said, betting the pot. The Donk immediately pushed all his chips in and I insta-called. He turned over Ace-5 of spades. We watched as the flop came down 4, 6, 7, rainbow, giving him an open-ended straight draw. The turn was a King, giving me three of a kind and taking away three of his outs, but he could still win with an 8 or a 3. The river was a 4, pairing the board, giving me a full house and I doubled up. The huge pot gave me a slight chip lead over The Donk and everyone else at the table was way behind.

The next hand, I was in the little blind and The Donk raised again, same as the last time. I looked down at Pocket Aces and raised the pot, same as last time. The Donk went all-in as expected and I called. He turned over 6-7 of hearts. The flop came down King, Ace, 2. The Donk was drawing dead and he knew it. He got up in a huff and blurted, “Stupid internet donkeys don’t belong here.”

Alltequila is mezcal, but not all mezcal is tequila. That’s the first thing. Mezcal could be described as tequila’s older brother (or maybe father) as both are made from the agave plant. While mezcal can be made from any number of agaves, usually espadin agave, tequila must be made from blue agave. Tequila is industrially produced while mezcal is handcrafted in small villages, so the taste varies from village to village.

Huntington native John Rexer, owner of Ilegal Mezcal, derived the name from the many voyages he made “creatively” bringing mezcal from the Oaxaca region of Mexico to his bar in Guatemala. He found that most of his patrons preferred the artisanal quality of mezcal over tequila. He’s since brought Ilegal Mezcal to the US, available at dozens of locations in NYC and several on the west coast. Visit ilegalmezcal.com to find out where to drink and to read John’s story. Or, if you ask us nicely, we might help you get your hands on some (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)).
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Joven
A young mezcal double and triple distilled. Smoke, pungent Espadin agave, pepper, heat and long finish.
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Reposado
Aged for 4-5 months in medium charred new oak barrels. Rounded Espadin agave, smooth smoke, green apple and heat with hints of mesquite and oak.
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Añejo
Aged one year in medium charred new oak. Compared to a fine single malt, hickory nose, hints of vanilla, sweet Espadin agave.

Dear Dr. Love,
Ever since college, I’ve chased after “hotties.” Now that I am over 30, I have come to realize that most of these very beautiful women are emotionally unstable, self-centered and even “borderline-psycho.” Why am I attracted to this type of woman?
Ryan, Garden City

Dear Ryan,
Ryan, it will take more than this column to get the answers you are looking for. But, here’s my objective take. No one has license to determine who is hot and who is not, who is normal and who is psycho. Like Smokey the Bear: Only you can prevent a spark from turning into a forest fire. (Or vice versa.)

Let’s just agree that a turn-on for some of us will be a turn-off for others. There is no accounting for personal likes and dislikes in the dating community. Your “10” will be a “5” (at best) to someone else. Ryan, you need not second-guess yourself as to who and what turns you on.

In fact, I’m not so certain that a “hottie” is any more psycho than the rest of the dating population. Studies have shown that many so-called “10s” suffer from low self-esteem and are just as insecure as the next person. What’s ironic is the fact that many beautiful women intentionally seek out unattractive men who are downright undesirable—both in looks and personality.

It takes time to discover if the man (or woman) you lust is a “little out there.” Erratic behavior, jealousy, and defensiveness gestures don’t usually surface for a bit.

My suggestion: Keep playing the game by your rules, not someone else’s. I do and it is working for me.

Until next month, enjoy this beautiful weather and, as always, happy dating. Readers, send your questions to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

Jessica Kirson
June 4-5
Governor’s Comedy at McGuire’s, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, mcguirescomedyshows.com

D.J. Hazard
June 12, 8&10:30pm
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, brokeragecomedy.com

Bellport High School Booster Club Benefit
June 14, 7:30pm
Off-Key Tikki, Patchogue
(631) 475-1723, offkeytikki.com
Starring Joe DeVito, Chris Roach and Tim Gage. Tickets: $15.

Comedy Night
June 18
Portico Wood Fire Grill, Hauppauge
(631) 471-1221, porticogrill.com
Starring Tom McTiernan, ventriloquist Kenny Warren & Leroy and Mick Thomas. Tickets: $10.

Pablo Fransisco
June 24, 8pm; June 25, 8&10:30pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, govs.com

Comedy Night
June 25
Holiday Inn, Plainview  
(516) 641-9778, .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Starring Randy Levine and Billy Bingo. Tickets: $15.

For fourteen years, Rooftop Films has been bringing underground independent quality movies outdoors to Brooklyn, Manhattan and Queens rooftops near you. Features, shorts and all things in between are projected on giant screens on top or inside of schools, parks, museums and just about anywhere else that provides an unusually stimulating evening of summer cinema love.

If you’re lucky, you’ll plan out a Rooftop Films event that involves music. Whether it’s the warm-up act or part of the main course (some movies feature a score played live on site), you should expect to find something eclectic, independent and innovative. A few years back, we had the pleasure of checking out a new (at the time) music video by our friends Lucky Ghost, a pretty fantastic melodic indie prog/pop band led by Storyteller Seth Berkowitz. The video was sandwiched between a pair of shorts that were one part meditative art house and one part action/adventure thriller. There was also animation and documentary and lions and tigers and bears, oh my.

Rather than use the remainder of this space to mention all the prestigious and award-winning filmmakers who are showing work this year (see Spike Jonze’s catalogue, for instance), I want to conclude by mentioning something you may not be able to discover by mouse and scroll. There’s something for everyone at the Rooftop Films Summer Series and in a world that is increasingly moving towards something for a specific type of someone, this is a breath of fresh air. Yes, some of these films are esoteric. And yes, you’re not going to enjoy every venue. But let me assure you, when you’re settling in on your blanket and the stars are out and the audience is filled with beautiful people of all shapes, sizes and creeds, you’ll quiet the villain that is irony for a while and believe that this is still the greatest city in the greatest country lighting up the greatest planet to ever appear on the great screen of sky that is the universe. rooftopfilms.com

It is officially “in season”! Beaches are open, seasonal restaurants and businesses are officially opened. When choosing the desire ambiance for an excursion to an eatery, the two basic choices are usually “casual” and “formal,” and so it is in Foodie Gossip land.

Long Island is known for wineries and vineyards, but you don’t have to venture out to the twin forks to get a singular experience in vinous immersion.

Bin 56 in Huntington (631) 812-0060 is in the style of a casual European wine bar with communal tables and couches. They offer small plate tapas items such as sweet and spicy calamari, cheese bread sliders stuffed with chorizo and a wine list with red and white, sweet and bubbly from Europe, South America, California and Australia as well as a selection of specialty cocktails. Or you can be taken on a culinary journey via four courses of paired tapas and wines selected by the chef.

Moving from a casual wine-imbibing venue to more formal digs, we have the Northport Tasting Room & Wine Cellar in Northport (631) 261-0642. They take their wines seriously—Sommelier Edwin J. Davila and owner Matthew Spirn tasted 5,000 different wines and from those, chose the 125 that are available. But they welcome the wine novice and will assist them in “defining their palate.”

Formalities aside, sometimes on a hot summer day, all you want to do is sit down, grab a small Italian entrée and watch the world go by. Ristorante Besi in East Meadow (516) 280-6657 offers some of the best Italian cuisine on the Island. The casual ambiance and thoughtful wine list are well worth the visit.

Finally, sure to excite dedicated Long Island foodies is the release of Zagat’s 2010/11 Long Island Restaurants and Zagat’s Hamptons Restaurants 2010/11. The guide contains a whopping 867 Long Island restaurant reviews distilled from the experiences of 5,854 diners. Go to zagat.com to find out about mobile apps and other electronic resources.

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This month, I am going to outline the reasons to support our local Long Island wines and even those from other parts of New York, but first a little correction. Last month, I wrote that Kendall-Jackson produces 2,000,000 cases of Chardonnay. I lied. They actually only produce 2,000,000 bottles of that wine which is equal to about 170,000 cases—oops!

As a wine writer, sommelier and wine educator here on Long Island, I am often asked my thoughts on Long Island wines. I usually respond with a statement about it being a young wine region, one that is planted on very valuable land with incredibly low yields and difficult growing conditions. But a region with tons of potential. No longer. It’s time for Long Islanders to support our local wine farms!

Does Long Island make wine that can compete with some of the best produced? Yes, if you consider a Robert Parker’s Wine Advocate rating of 89 points and above a high score. The Wine Advocate’s most recent issue included 43 wines from Long Island rated between 89 and 92 points, illustrating the drastic increase in the quality of Long Island wines in the last decade. The vintners have worked hard and vigorously studied their environment, and the results are worth exploring for any wine enthusiast; Long Island’s top wineries are producing wines that can stand next to those from more established regions. But beyond the increasing quality, another reason to support our region is the small, artisanal and family run wineries. Today, there are 41 wine producers on Long Island’s North Fork and four on the South Fork. Even the largest winery, Pindar, is tiny in comparison to wineries in California and Bordeaux. Vineyards in warm growing regions can produce eight or more tons per acre of land, while Long Island vineyards struggle to produce more than two tons per acre. This is due to many factors including, mold and mildew, pests and producers seeking to produce high quality wine.

I have been involved in many small and large blind tastings of Long Island wines since I began formerly teaching wine classes in 2002. One of the earlier tastings illustrated to me the potential Long Island had with wines using Cabernet Franc and Sauvignon Blanc. But during that era, only a handful of producers focused on these two grapes. Today, most Long Island wineries use both grapes with great success along with the continued success producing wines from Merlot and Chardonnay. The region continues to experiment with many grapes that are suited to the climate and soils, and there are some interesting opportunities with Syrah, Malbec, Chenin Blanc, Rielsing, Refosco, Blaufränkisch and many others.

One of the arguments for not drinking local wines is the price. They are a bit more expensive, but that is a function of quality, land costs and the small quantities that are produced. But to drink local wines saves a wonderful, historic culture, and saves the East End’s vineyards. Most, but not all, Long Island wineries can be found on the Long Island Wine Council website liwines.com. Naturally, I have my personal favorite producers, but I’d recommend you find your own path and own favorites. Start tasting wines from the producers just outside of Riverhead and head east till you’ve tasted wines from producers near Greenport. But be sure you don’t miss those on the South Fork.

TRATTORIA DIANE
Roslyn (516) 621-2591

Trattoria Diane has, over the years, offered straightforward, affordable food. It still does. Yet, now as a result of numerous trips to Italy by its husband-wife ownership team of John Durkin and Diane Margaritas, its menu has taken a gracious nod toward Roman classics. That means an opening course of five innovative vegetable dishes, deep fried artichokes with a spritz of lemon and a batch of Italian dishes like saltimbocca, spaghetti carbonara, and bucatini Amatriciana that are widely available elsewhere but given lighter, innovative spins here.

But Diane’s regulars need not fear the loss of many, perhaps most of the dishes, that made the restaurant the memorable place it is. In other words, the Tuscan pot roast and its traditional running mates are still available. So too is the civilized milieu with its white-yellow walls, carpeting, original art, Roman frescoes, candles, brick tile flooring and white tablecloths. It is, in short, still a classy, sedate, yet unpretentious spot where civilized conversation is possible. Unfortunately, that is unusual on Long Island where ear-shattering noise is often and erroneously equated with having fun.

This efficient, professionally-managed restaurant offers diners mixed olives, crisp Parmesan strips, crusty peasant bread, focaccia squares and an olive oil dip upon being seated (butter is also available).
The “Cucina Romana” that follows this opening salvo is not upscale, elaborate or refined, nor should it be. Although young, talented, Roman chefs are now giving interesting spins to conventional dishes, making them a marriage of tradition and innovation, the Eternal City’s preparations are simple fare that the poorest among its inhabitants could afford. Typical is the vegetable (“verdure”) course, five refreshing small plate choices at $6 a throw, or 4 for $22. There is not a single clunker among them. Especially noteworthy were the substantial roasted beets dotted with their ricotta salata offset and the heady tangle of treviso radicchio, almonds and balsamic. Among the fried possibilities the fritto misto, shrimp, scallops and mushrooms in lemon sauce was a standout and enjoyable to eat with fingers like popcorn rather than with a fork. The heralded fried artichokes are an interesting novelty number but failed to yield noteworthy flavor. But the delicately light fried zucchini blossoms stuffed with goat cheese on a vibrant tomato sauce did. Pastas went two for three. Both the bucatini Amatriciana, alive with pancetta, onions and tomato sauce and the feathery gnocchi enhanced by its robust tomato sauce and sausage slices were first-rate, but someone forgot to grind the fresh pepper into the spaghetti carbonara making it a rather tasteless take on this classic. A husky, tender, pan-seared pork chop was perfectly cooked and succulent without being indulgently fatty and made more interesting by its accompaniments of broccoli rabe and sweet potato purée.

Dinner is blissfully capped by Diane Margaritas’ marvelous desserts. Few if any finales on Long Island equal her three berry pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and some seductive raspberry sauce. A close second was the decadent, deeply-flavored chocolate mousse pie with its chocolate cookie crust and puff of whipped cream. A ripe-fruit apple tart and an angel food cake paired with intense raspberry sorbet and festooned with fresh strawberries were also top notch as is Trattoria Diane itself.
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LA VOLPE
Center Moriches (631) 874-3819

The four-year-old La Volpe (the Fox) might well be Long Island’s most unexpected restaurant. What this palatial-like Italian family-owned spot is doing in remote blue-collar Center Moriches is at the least a surprise. It’s much like an Italian Castle in a culinary desert, yet its roots and history are familiar ones on Long Island.

The Volpe family started out with a pizzeria in the nearby King Kullen shopping center. Instead of opening a dining room behind the pizza parlor as is commonly done, they went for broke with a formidable, splashy, standalone spot. La Volpe is a place of high beamed ceilings, soaring pillars, wrought iron chandeliers, hanging copper utensils, candles, plants, barrels, hand-painted bottles on every table holding red carnations, brick walls, book shelves, personalized wine glasses and jumbo sized portraits of notable Italians (Sophia Loren, Pavarotti, Toto, Marcello Mastroianni, etc.) It is an unapologetically Italian restaurant, not Italian-American but Italian-Italian. It’s also a place of pride and family as distant from a franchise, chain or corporate enterprise as possible. There are family photos on the menus, those wine glasses are carefully placed with the restaurant’s name facing diners and the Volpes haven’t forgotten their roots—The Anton brick oven pizzeria is attached to the elaborate restaurant.

La Volpe’s comprehensive menu offers most of the Italian golden oldies that Islanders know and enjoy. But in addition to spaghetti, gnocchi, ravioli, saltimbocca, scaloppini and Francese dishes there are choices like prosciutto di Parma, lump crab meat and sliced avocado over Romaine lettuce with a red wine and fresh pear reduction and bucatini with sardines, fennel, raisins, pignoli nuts, peas, garlic and toasted bread crumbs in a light tomato sauce.

Thin crusted, individual pizzas from the adjacent Anton’s that sport unusually fresh, tasty, top notch ingredients often satisfy the many children that are a big part of the family groups here, thereby freeing the adults to order dishes like a delicious amalgam of sautéed shrimp, cannellini beans, dried pancetta, red onions, soy sauce and extra virgin olive oil and the very lightly grilled Italian answer to tuna tartare featuring yellow fin tuna and that avocado, red onion, soy sauce and extra virgin olive oil combination. A couple of housemade crab cakes on a bed of wilted, sautéed spinach with spicy mayo also made the grade while a bowl of respectable pasta e fagioli needed salt and zing.

We sampled only one of the many pastas (priced from $14 to $24), the cannelloni Della Mamma, and it was perfection with its generous beef and pork Bolognese filling draped with opulent béchamel and crowned by melted mozzarella.

Main courses come with large bowls of pasta that are anything but afterthoughts. We preferred the robust penne in tomato sauce to the under-seasoned and slightly dryish linguini. Three superior entrées sampled were the lightly breaded, pan roasted, Dijon mustard marinated rack of lamb (at $29, the most expensive pick), the tender pork tenderloins in a rich, dreamy brandy cream sauce thick with sautéed shitake mushrooms and the vitello a la pizzaiola or soft white veal scaloppini that meshes well with its layered garlic, capers, tomato sauce and melted fresh mozzarella.

The sweets at meal’s end included standard cannoli and housemade ricotta cheesecake, a fluffy-light slab of tiramisu and knock-your-socks-off chocolate molten cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

NASSAU

Moules et Frites
(516) 802-0713, Syosset
http://reststarinc.com/moules
It’s no secret that my palate has been known to go Lady Gaga over Belgian beer. Wait—what? You already see the set-up? Fine. I won’t mention some of Moules’ taps, like Koningshoeven Quad or Troubadour Obscura, and I won’t say they make me sing “Ga-ga-ooh-la-la.” Oops.

Koenig’s Restaurant
(516) 354-2300, Floral Park
http://koenigsrestaurant.com
Hi Koenig’s! I see you from above while passing on the Long Island Rail Road (Ronkonkoma line) each and every day! Ahem. Sorry. Floral Park family-style mainstay since forever. Go there for the feeling of home. And for the German cuisine/beer.

D.J. Houdek’s Restaurant & Tap Room
(516) 223-3344, Baldwin
Lots of quirky theme nights (one in particular featured Monty Python some months back), bottle/well specials and pub grub.

SUFFOLK

Sage Cafe
(631) 363-9562, Blue Point
Turtles! And goldfish that look like bodybuilders! Love that. Oh, and several Blue Point taps, including a cask! Love that, too.

F.H. Riley’s
(631) 271-7600, Huntington
http://fhrileys.com
It’s a shame that draft blends aren’t offered up at more establishments. I mean, you really can’t go wrong with a Mutt (Guinness & Spaten) on a warm summer evening. Thank you, F.H. Riley’s.

John Harvard’s Brew House
(631) 979-2739, Lake Grove
http://johnharvards.com
Think Heartland Brewery, but for us Lawn Guylanders. Seasonal brews for practically every month, so you’ll never have an excuse not to return.

I’m not a fan of big pocket pairs. Most people want to look down and see pocket Aces or Kings. They wait around all night for those big pairs. Me, I cringe. I’d rather see 6-7 suited. I’ll raise with small suited connectors just like I would with Aces. Then when the flop comes, the decisions are easy. If I miss the flop, I can make a continuation bet, which will take the pot more times than it won’t. And if someone raises me, I can fold with little thought, having lost only a small amount of chips. And on the big plus side, if I hit my hand, say two-pair or a flush or straight draw, I can gut someone with an overpair. Win big, lose small.

Pocket Aces and Kings are a bit trickier. Of course, I’m coming in for a raise preflop and the usual continuation bet no matter what the flop looks like. Usually they do fold and I’ll rake in a small pot, which works just fine for me, same as it would had I held 6-7 suited. But if someone raises me with a flop of Queen, 8, 2, it’s almost impossible to fold the Aces. But it’s very probable he flopped a set and I’m drawing to two outs.

I was playing a $5-$10 game at the Borgata and the table was pretty weak. They were all playing by-the-book poker and easy to read. I splashed around without much care of the cards I held, made all the correct decisions post-flop—raised when my opponents were weak and folded when they were strong, and built my stack to double my $1,000 buy-in, all without seeing a single big pocket pair or any of the usual top starting hands like Ace-King.

Then I looked down at pocket Aces on the button. Everyone folded to me and I made the standard raise to $30. The little blind folded and the big blind called. I nicknamed him Squints, because, well, he squinted a lot. The flop came down Queen, 8, 2. Squints checked and I bet $40, about two thirds of the pot. Squints went all-in immediately for almost $1,000, a huge overbet. My gut said he hit a set, probably 8s. I didn’t think he would do that with Ace-Queen or King-Queen. Still those Aces are tough to fold. But fold them I did. Face down of course; I wasn’t about to let anyone think they could run me out of a pot easily.

About an hour later, I hadn’t seen many good cards, which was just fine with me. I kept playing small ball and continued winning. I was on the button again and everyone folded to me, and I looked down at 6-7 of clubs. I raised to $30 just as I did when I had Aces. The little blind folded and Squints re-raised out of the big blind to $100. I was sure he had a big pair as he hadn’t raised preflop all night. I called knowing I had position and hoped to hit the flop hard. If I missed or only hit one pair or something, it was easy to only lose $100. The flop came down 6-6-King. Bingo. Squints bet out $200 telling me he definitely didn’t have pocket Kings (he would have checked Kings full for sure). I figured him for Aces and knew he wasn’t the sort to fold them, so I pushed all-in. Squints called immediately and showed his pocket Aces. “You got that King?” he hopefully asked.

“Nope,” I said, “got the six.”

Squints squinted at my cards then at the flop then back at my cards. “How do you call the raise with 7-high?” he mumbled. “It’s not like I can fold aces in that spot. Guy would have to be a moron to fold aces with that flop.” He squinted as the turn and river were no help and walked away shaking his head as I raked in the pot.

Paul Bond
May 7 & 8
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://mcguirescomedyshows.com

In the Tiger Woods mess, if he were smart he could have blamed Nike for the whole thing. Their slogan is “Just Do It.” I think he did, in fact. He could have told his wife, “I was listening to the Nike voices in my head, honey.” —Paul Bond

Pete Correale
May 14 & 15
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, http://govs.com 

The last woman I dated asked me, “Would you fight for me?” I was like, “I don’t even fight for myself, sweetheart. You can run with me ‘cause that’s what I do. We can hold hands while we run—keep it romantic.”—Pete Correale
Women want guys with money, right? Actually, I like my bank teller, but I’m afraid to ask her out ‘cause I think she’ll just punch up my account and go, “I don’t think so.” —Pete Correale

Tales From the Tundra Siberian Husky Rescue Fundraiser
May 15, 8:30pm
Jokerz Wild Comedy Club, Four Points By Sheraton Hotel, Plainview
(516) 830-1945, http://jokerzwildcomedyclub.com

Starring Raymond the Amish Comic. Tickets: $30.

Sandy Marks
May 28 & 29
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://brokeragecomedy.com

I just had my car stolen and that’s when I realized what a crappy car I owned—I got upset because I had just filled the gas tank. —Sandy Marks

Before the High Line was built in the 30s and freight traffic was lifted three stories in the air over the west side of New York City, cowboys on horseback got their daily exercise by riding in front of street-level trains to make sure no accidents occurred between pedestrians and machines. While the trains and cowboys are gone these days (with the exception of a few Brooklyny hipsters sporting proper facial hair and headgear), lots of people still utilize the newly-opened High Line to do some light exercise of their own at what’s become the coolest if not the only elevated park in town.

Part of the park’s charming innovation is the integration of the old and new. Some of the original tracks are still there surrounded by modern architecture within a design that combines “meandering concrete pathways” and “naturalistic plantings.” Everything feels sustainable, green, alive and real—part of history as well as part of pushing whatever impulse pushes it forward.

The High Line suggests a new form of exercise/health/fitness (the theme of this month’s issue, by the way), one that involves the stimulation of the whole being. You can walk and think at The High Line. You can sit and hang. You can be outside, at a park, in the city and still feel like you’re in a museum. Art is all around you; you are art. There is no need to run, time yourself or check your heart rate. Just allow yourself to assimilate into what’s around you and notice the jigsaw construction that is the city and, yes, the world around you. When you see how nature and concrete mix and experience the synthesis, you feel more whole yourself.

An elevated park does come with some connotations, I suppose. There’s a zenny air about the place for sure, but in no way is it pretentious or exclusive. The High Line is a public park project all the way, built (mostly) by the people (barring some private donors) and for the people. It’s all about sneakers and strollers, young and old, near and far.

High above Manhattan’s 10th avenue and the hustle of fashion and commerce are the makings of a new kind of gym for the 21st Century. And the only membership fee you need to pay is a short trip west. http://thehighline.org.

Hello Dr. Love,
While riding the Orient Point Ferry this past week I came across your article. My question is: What would be an appropriate way to get the attention, or send a signal, to a gentleman I may find attractive when I’m out socially? I believe I’m missing opportunities by not giving some indication that I find someone appealing.
Thank you, I need some support.
Dolores

Dear Dolores,
It’s nice to know that LI Pulse is a “must-read” on the Orient Point Ferry. It’s also nice to know there are women who want to reach out to a man. But how?

Dolores, men don’t always feel comfortable if a woman is the aggressive one…think back to the old caveman days. Men aren’t really as ignorant as they appear. Your smile is all that is required. He may not want to reciprocate (that is for another column), but trust me, you have made your point. I asked some very trusted people for their input on this issue:

My favorite wingman, Joe said, “One of the most frustrating things about the single lifestyle is the difficulty implicit in meeting appealing strangers. You (We) are opening ourselves up to our own perceived ignominy of failure. Be prepared for the possibility of being rebuffed. Maintain a positive outlook and good things will happen.”

My son Jordan’s beautiful girlfriend, Lindsay, gave a woman’s perspective by saying, “A woman just has to tell a bartender or waiter that she would like to buy him a drink. When he receives it, the opportunity for her to start a conversation is there… Men often get the vibe that women have the ‘I am too good for you attitude,’ when in fact, they are just shy. A woman will never be approached by a man if she doesn’t show a down-to-earth demeanor.”

Finally, my good buddy Jeff, a self-confessed ladies man, says, “What man does not like a sincere compliment? However, if he is not attracted to the woman giving the compliment, it’s over! You will get no response but a simple ‘Thank you.’ I suggest a woman be somewhat ‘cavalier’ in her approach so as not to appear to be desperate…engage with extreme confidence. Remember women still love to be chased.”

Readers, what do you think? Please email me your comments to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Until next month, happy dating!

NASSAU

Library Cafe
(516) 752-7678, Farmingdale
http://lessings.com
Perhaps I am a tad partial to the Library Cafe, you know, being a successful writer (toot, toot) and all, but can you really blame me? They have an alcoholic drink named after Dr. Seuss! Best thing ever.

Blue Parrot Lounge
(516) 797-5908, Massapequa
http://blueparrotmusic.com
Welcome to the 2010-80s! Live classic rock and blues, open jam sessions and weekly bucket specials.

E.B. Elliot’s
(516) 378-8776, Freeport
http://ebelliots.com
The way Long Island should be enjoyed, with food from the water, consumed on the water. Oh, and with beers. Always with some beers.

SUFFOLK

Half Penny Pub
(631) 567-1948, Sayville
http://thehalfpennypub.com
Fond memories of performing the theme song to Diff’rent Strokes to a small group of adults at karaoke night some years back. I think they loved my stage presence, but probably not. Definitely not. Nice to see some random craft breweries (Long Trail, Troegs, etc.) on the menu during a recent visit.

Painters Restaurant
(631) 286-6264, Brookhaven Hamlet
http://paintersrestaurant.com
If a Paris café and an East Village coffeehouse had a child, its name would be Painters. Crayons and paper on each table, local/not-so-local artwork along the walls, and a menu of yummy treats. It’s true bohemianism in Brookhaven.

Shenanigan’s Pub & Grille
(631) 667-4322, North Babylon
http;//shenaniganspubandgrille.com
I have always found that the best things in life are never free. That is, however, until I came across Shenanigan’s Happy Hour, with FREE pizza until 6pm. Now I feel like my life has started all over again. All hail Shenanigan’s!

I neared my limit after playing at a $2-$4 no limit hold ‘em cash game for over 36 hours. I built my stack to $2,000 from my original $400 buy-in and was happy to walk away with a decent winning session even if it took me a day and a half. I told myself I’d leave after one more round. My eyes burned and I had trouble spotting potential flushes and straights on the board.

My chip stack was much deeper than everyone else’s at the table except for an accountant looking fellow named Dan who was just slightly behind me. I’d taken to calling him Steely Dan because he looked like he was probably a fan. The average IQ of the crowd at a Steely Dan concert rivals that of a Mensa convention. Some still refer to their music as “Mensa Pop.”

Steely Dan was on a roll and he took to raising almost every hand. He was the only player at the table who had enough chips to hurt me, so I didn’t want to get in a big pot with him. I folded my cards to a few of his raises after looking down and merely seeing one low card.

I was in the big blind when Steely Dan raised to $20 from early position. Everyone folded to me and I squeezed a look at my cards. The top one was a Queen and the other was also paint. My vision was blurry but I saw another Queen. “Re-raise,” I said, “make it eighty total.” Steely Dan called.

The flop came down Queen, Jack, 7, rainbow. At first, I thought the Jack was a Queen and I’d flopped four-of-a-kind. I refocused my eyes and I realized it was a Jack. Still, I had top three-of-a-kind and was ready to go to war with my three ladies. I bet out $100 and prayed he’d raise.

Steely Dan pulled off his glasses. “Raise,” he announced. “All-in.” I insta-called. The dealer counted our chips and I had him covered by exactly $400.

“I got rockets,” Steely Dan said turning over pocket Aces. “Hope you didn’t hit a set of Jacks.”

“Top set, actually,” I said turning over my cards.

Steely Dan stared at my cards and then gave me a befuddled look. “You got top pair, you mean,” he said.

“Huh? No, I got pocket Queens,” I said, and then looked down at my cards. The bottom card was not a Queen, it was a King, I’d misread my hand with my tired eyes. I rubbed my face with my palms as the dealer turned the final two cards, which were no help. “Oh my god,” I moaned. I picked up the $400 in chips I had left and said, “F’n dude looked like a lady.”

VENUE 56
Hauppague (631) 761-5602

Venue 56 is no doubt a better restaurant than it seemed when I visited on a cold early March Monday night. Located in Hauppauge at Exit 56 off the Long Island Expressway, it’s a sleek, sophisticated spot with a talented chef (Marc Anthony Bynum), a sweet, kind staff and some very good dishes. Yet many of those dishes and wines were unavailable, including the ones I’d been told were the best picks on the menu and it took repeated attempts to find an available bottle of wine. Five whites and five reds along with several dishes had been consumed on the busy Saturday night preceding our visit and Venue 56 was closed on Sunday. Yet, consistency is the mark of a fine restaurant and being able to serve the food listed on the menu and wine list is basic number one.

Venue 56 does boast a cosmopolitan milieu suitable for the dining and entertainment experience it provides. Situated where Sweetwater’s had been, it’s a shining, seductive, all white spot of multitudinous flickering candles, bare floors, a large inviting bar with slim hanging lantern and paper over cloth table tops. Black garbed waiters wearing suspenders and high top black basketball type shoes complete the look.

The Farmingdale born chef earned his deservedly positive reputation during stints at Tellers, Prime, Four Food Studio, Carlyle on the Green and three or four lesser known eating places. Marc Anthony’s skill is instantly evident in his signature, soft, buttery, fall-away house smoked barbecue ribs ($12) with their house made chipotle barbecued sauce and pickled watermelon. There is no better rendition of these meaty monsters on Long Island. Yet, this hefty tapas starter also emphasized the vast differences in size and price from dish to dish here. More typical were the two very tiny, excellent, expensive jumbo lump crab cakes ($10) and the lobster bisque ($8) soup of the day. The first, a couple of diminutive poker chip size crab cakes were tasty filler free pleasures but too tiny to harbor any “Jumbo Lump” crab meat. The smooth, creamy lobster bisque, like a number of other dishes, arrived on a large, eye-catching white plate with a scant serving on it. The soup was confined to a small circular depression in the center of the plate. Better and creamy rich as well was an appetizer of risotto in a truffle mushroom sauce ($14).

Sophisticated spins on standard ingredients (steak, pork chop, chicken etc.) proliferated among the entrées. A thick, easy-to-cut-and-chew double cut Karbuta pork chop ($25) resting on sweet potato purée with brocollini was fine, but its “maple demi glace” instead turned out to be a pool of overly sweet sauce. A crisp-surfaced, juicy, pan seared, roasted chicken ($25) arrived with interesting plate mates like cheddar polenta, olives, capers, chickpeas, cherry tomatoes and baby spinach that gave it a Mediterranean skew. That sweet potato purée and broccolini also came with a large hunk of filet mignon ($34) with admirable Hunter sauce and more flavor than this cut usually yields. A rather ordinary shrimp scampi ($24) was undermined by its lukewarm temperature.

That leaves desserts, which with a single exception are commendable and a wine list that is too expensive. A small serving of brioche donuts ($8) with strawberry and fudge sauces and sprinkled with powdered sugar were warm and wonderful, chocolate cake ($10) sporting creamsicle ice cream, hazelnut krogant and a squiggle of coffee cream was dense and decadent and the V 56 sundae ($12) was a keenly constructed amalgam of warm banana bread, ice cream, hot fudge sauce and whipped cream. But the caramel apple at the base of the tart tatin ($8) was a hard, difficult to penetrate proposition.

The least expensive bottle of wine here is $30 and most are over $40. Speaking of money and value, the V 56 dessert sampler offering scaled down versions of four sweets goes for only $20—it’s one of a few attractive bargains on the menu.
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SPICE VILLAGE GRILL
Huntington (631) 271-4800

The little storefront spot on the corner of Main and Wall Streets in Huntington has changed from film to food. What was a photography store and then briefly a hookah lounge is now a modest south Asian (read Pakistani-Indian-Persian) bistro. Chef/owner Tavassum Alli, a Pakistani by birth who always had at least as much interest in food and cooking as cameras and film is indulging himself in what was a hobby and an interest. Now it is a vocation. His tiny dining room with windows that look out on the action of Huntington Village sports black table cloths, maroon linens and a few throw rugs.

While its food lives up to its name, dishes here are not blowtorch hot and indeed there is an effort to fine tune it to individual diners. While the fare at Spice Village Grill has its ups and downs, it does provide yet another option for the diners who prowl restaurant-hot Huntington in search of diverse culinary experiences. Among its virtues are affordable prices, exemplary lamb chops, interesting breads and a stew-like okra dish. Vegetarians too will appreciate a goodly number of choices including samosas, aloo tikki, or savory grilled potato patties, aloo naan or Indian bread filled with seasoned potatoes, lentil soup and the garden salad.

Getting back to Spice Village Grill’s virtues, no dish exceeds eighteen dollars and many are priced below ten. That eighteen-dollar dish is the five baby lamb chops that are tiny, tender and tasty. Even if you like your meat rare or medium rare, take the server’s advice and have them well done. Despite the menu’s assertion that they are thick, they are not. But they are juicy, sensitively grilled and too thin to turn them out rare. (Only a whole Cornish hen also achieves that $17.99 level).

The breads of the Indian sub continent are highlights of restaurants that serve its food; indeed they might be the best thing about such establishments. Plain, soothing naan, served warm is offered on a complimentary basis here. That leaves five tandoori, naan, and paratha picks. Order them all in a mixed basket; I did and didn’t regret it. Many such restaurants offer even more bread choices and the Spice Village Grill would be well served if it did. But what they do turn out is first class. First class too was a side dish of stew-like okra. Less impressive was dusty dry chicken tikka or boneless poultry cubes marinated in herbs and spices. A number of other dishes suffered the same fate. Chapli kabab of beef (chicken and lamb are also available) shaped like hamburger lack even a trace of moisture and broke apart to the touch. An appetizer of shami kabab or parched spiced ground beef with lentil also disintegrated easily. Better by far was a special, combination plate of ginger chicken and cardamom chicken. Both of them lightly spiced, moist and cohesive. Those samosas referred to earlier, filled with vegetables, were also airy-light, flaky pleasures.

If you are a devotee of sweet (think baklava) desserts of the Greek-Turkish and yes, South Asian variety you no doubt will appreciate those at Spice Village Grill. I am not. So the sweet dough balls, sugary syrup, rose water, clotted cream finales held little interest for me. The best of the bunch was the milk cake reminiscent of the tres leches dessert found in many Mexican restaurants.

Spice Village Grill is an unpretentious, b.y.o.b., bistro that offers diners another option in one of Suffolk County’s restaurant hubs, Huntington Village.

And so the summer season begins at the end of May, and there will be a few new or reconfigured faces on the scene, along with some specials for those of the female persuasion. 

Openings abound just in time for the beginning of the fabled season. The Singh Hospitality Group, noted for their diverse eateries and top-notch cuisine, has just opened Ristorante Besi in East Meadow (516) 280-6657. Executive Chef David Salony masterminded the menu, which includes artisan pizzas, such as the Funghi, with roasted mushrooms, caramelized onions and truffle oil and the Diavalo, with sopressata, sweet roasted peppers and garlic infused red pepper oil. Entrees include Chicken Forresta, a chicken cutlet topped with tomatoes and fresh mozzarella, and Snapper Vino Bianco, with mussels and fresh herbs.

Accomplished East End restaurateurs Chris Eggert and Kevin Boles have merged their respective popular East Hampton eateries, Bostwick’s Seafood Grill and Cherrystones Clam & Lobster Shack into Bostwick’s Chowder House in East Hampton (631) 324-1111. The location has a casual ambiance and fresh seafood. One of their signature dishes is the clambake with steamed lobster, clams, mussels, peel and eat shrimp and red potatoes. Halibut, swordfish, tuna, mako and other fresh fish will comprise the daily specials in highly original preparations.

Something for the ladies, both the mothers and the nightlife aficionados, will grace the island dining scene this month. Porto Vivo Restaurant in Huntington (631) 385-8486 is having Lady’s Night every Thursday night starting at 4:30 until closing. With this special, there will be an interesting array of $6 cocktails, including cucumber coolers and cannoli martinis as well as wine by the glass and 50% off the bar menu, which features such dishes as a wood grilled Angus prime burger with crispy pancetta, fontina and balsamic onions, and a Montauk lobster club sandwich with avocado and pancetta.

The Bellport in Bellport (631) 286-7550 is having a special “Mother’s Day in a Southern Way” price fix menu on May 9. For $28 ($15 for kids), the highlights of their offerings include corn crusted oysters with fresh corn sauce, Texas “Louweez” buttermilk spiced fried chicken breast, smoked ham, andouille sausage, mushroom fricassee over cheddar corn spoon bread, and for desert, chocolate tres leche cake with pecan praline.

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People in the technology and Internet business often talk about what the next thing is after the Internet. The wine industry has been greatly impacted by the Internet and will be as greatly impacted by the next step in digital marketing and communication. Wine business has been represented on the Internet since the beginning of the dot com craze in the late 90s. One of the big flops was wine.com. It is still in business, but in their third or fourth incarnation or business model change.

Back at the height of the dot com craze, the url wine.com was sold for 2.9 million dollars. That’s just for the site name, making it the fourth highest amount paid for a url. The wine.com name was purchased in 1999 by Virtual Vineyards, a wine web retail site owned by a software developer and his brother-in-law, Master Sommelier, Peter Granoff. The concept for Virtual Vineyards was to broaden the sales of small producers (production of about 5,000 cases in total) that were being pushed out of distributors and big-box retailers in the early 90s. I remember that time of the wine industry—when Kendall-Jackson and Gallo were fighting for shelf space in every wine store. So what has changed since then? Plenty and yet not a lot.

Wine brands are still kings in retail stores. Kendall-Jackson and Gallo have bought many properties throughout the wine world and market them fiercely. And wine.com sells big brands, lots of them. The number one wine on the site is Cambria Pinot Noir, Julia’s Vineyard. Number 56 is Kendall-Jackson Vintner’s Reserve Chardonnay. Cambria produces about 55,000 cases of the Julia’s Pinot Noir and Kendall-Jackson produces about 2,000,000 cases of the Vintner’s Reserve Chardonnay (both wineries are owned by Jess Jackson). To me, a small production winery is less than 10,000 in total production and even that is huge compared to Long Island.

But ever since the beginning of Virtual Vineyards, wineries and marketing gurus have been trying to figure out how to use new technologies to promote and sell small production wines. It seems to always come back to power—power of the distributors, importers, big wineries, big wine corporations and wine critics. The Internet was supposed to give the small guy power, but in the wine industry, it hasn’t. I’d love to see the way we look at wine flipped on its head, where the consumer is king, not the producer or wine critic. Since the Internet hasn’t been able to crack this cycle, maybe the next wave can with things like mobile apps, social communities and the like. Current examples include websites like Winesearcher, Snooth, CellarTracker and apps like Drynks, Cellar, iWine, Twitter and probably thousands of others. But there still hasn’t been a “killer wine app.” That one application that everyone uses as the standard, the way Robert Parker and The Wine Spectator became the standards for wine reviews or the way Zagat has become the standard for restaurant reviews. Right now, it looks like “big industry” will continue to control the wine industry, with big distributors having the most control and the consumer and small winery lagging far behind. If any readers come across any type of platform, website, facebook, twitter or phone app that they think could be the next killer wine app, please let me know.

Recently I tasted a selection of Piedmontese wines from G.D. Vajra with Giuseppe Vaira who mentioned a scientific study that analyzed the brain activity of Sommeliers versus laypeople while tasting wine. While both groups showed activity in the amygdala (emotional & pleasure zone) area of the brain, the Sommeliers also showed increased brain activity in the frontal cortex (the area for cognitive thinking). Giuseppe took the research results a bit further and suggested that there are “back lobe” (meaning the amygdala) wines and “front lobe” wines. 

Giuseppe compared two of his wines from different vineyard sites that were produced in different styles. G. D. Vajra is a Barolo producer and the wines are produced in a traditional style with forward fruit. The wines of Barolo are often compared to those of Burgundy—delicate, aromatic wines that require patience and contemplation—so most certainly frontal cortex or Sommelier wines. When they are from very ripe vintages or have excellent balance the wines will also give the amygdala a joggle. Ageing wine can round out sharp edges and soften the wine, making them less frontal cortex wine and more of a pleasure zone (amygdala) wine.

The idea that wine professionals use their frontal cortex when tasting wine is interesting but what is more useful is the idea that certain wines have components that are more pleasure oriented or more cognitive oriented.

I help one of my clients, Hamptons Wine Shoppe, with a new wine club concept that is designed to allow the everyday wine consumer to taste and learn what type of wines they prefer. The Hamptons Wine Club selects ten wines to show every month at various restaurants from Watermill to Port Jefferson, including Robert’s, The Stone Creek Inn and Ruvo East so far. We almost always choose both amygdala and frontal cortex wines. Some wines are easy to love and we are fairly sure they will be big hits, while others are more cerebral and we are never totally sure what the reaction will be.

Last month, we saw an amazing response to the 2007 Charles & Charles Red, a little Columbia Valley blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Syrah that was soft and alluring, which was easily predicted. But we also saw amazing response to a 2005 Côtes du Rhône, a 100% Syrah, from Alain Voge that was spicy and earthy with dark berry aromas. The Charles & Charles was an example of an amygdala or pleasure zone wine while the Alain Voge was a wine that hit both the amygdala and the frontal cortex. But the Voge Côtes du Rhône was a frontal cortex wine that has matured to stimulate both areas of our brains. We also tasted a 2004 Rosso di Montalcino that was still a cognitive wine and not surprisingly was appreciated by a few in the audience but dismissed by many. My wine philosophy is to have wine consumers begin to learn their palate and how to describe it so they can make more wine decisions without depending on wine critics. Why? Because wine critics look at wine cognitively, which is not how everyday wine consumers look at it.

NOAH’S
Greenport (631) 477-6720

The last meal I ate at the late, lamented Seafood Barge at the Port of Egypt Marina, near Greenport, was the best I’d ever had there. It was prepared by Noah Schwartz, a young (31) chef from Nassau County who had just returned to the Island after seven years cooking in California’s wine country. Recently, Mr. Schwartz did something that many observers considered, well, unprecedented. He opened a restaurant on the sleepy, nearly empty East End in February and he did it in cold, snowy Greenport on the North Fork, an area without the glamour and traffic of the Hamptons.

Noah’s, where The Frisky Oyster Bar had been, is a cool, convivial emerald green spot with fish prints on the walls, globe lighting above and a Manhattan milieu throughout. When I visited in early March about a month after it opened, Noah’s was a booming, bustling, crowded, upbeat success. The summer people will soon discover what the locals already have—Noah’s is a deservedly hot, happening kind of a place.

The focus here is on the 15 small plates priced from $6 to $12 rather than the 5 full plates ($15 to $26). Diners who desire diversity and variety should target the small picks (it’s possible to sample two of them for the same or less cost than one full plate). Yet, if it’s quantity you’re after, go for the much larger portions. Either way, you will probably be rewarded with sophisticated, creative fare.

Actually, our meal began with neither. Rather we sampled five accurately billed “tastes” at $3 and $4 a throw: A rich, full of flavor duck liver mousse; a roasted garlic clove squeezed onto bread; crab stuffed deviled eggs that proved to be a good idea; chickpea hummus that would make a Greek restaurant proud; and a diminutive, tangy, one swallow barbecued oyster.

Among the small plates, only the meaty, tender pomegranate glazed baby back ribs disappointed. They had scant glaze and even less flavor. Best among the little guys was a generous, inspired pairing of Crescent Farms barbecued pull duck and smoked cheddar polenta that melded marvelously. Other small plate treats were the crispy Tasmanian red crab tacos packing assertive taste and some welcome snap, rarely encountered, grilled sardines presented with tangy lemon aioli, basil and piquillo peppers that provided a refined and tasty simplicity, and two good, but very tiny, warm lobster rolls enlivened with garlic butter and shaved fennel that didn’t quite justify their ($12) price. A baby beet salad that was ordered made it onto the bill but not to the table.

It was one of just a few rough spots and kinks. Among them were two unsuccessful requests for salt (there was none on the table), the delivery of the wrong wine (it wasn’t even the right color), and the bumping and jostling we got at our middle of the room table. Finally, when the attractive bar and dining room is crowded, Noah’s is as loud as a boxing match. Oh yes, don’t expect bread, there was none.

The only full plate we ordered, beer battered fish and chips was a mixed bag. The fish was fresh, the batter light and its accompanying thin french fries, remoulade and cole slaw first class but the fish cried out for seasoning, for salt.

There were no false steps among the desserts. The citrusy key lime pie was outstanding as was the warm soft, soothing roasted apple crostada, the deeply flavored flourless chocolate sabayon cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and an intensely chocolate custard-like pot de crème topped with oozy toasted marshmallows and Graham Crackers.
_______________________________________________________________________

NICK & CHARLEY STEAK HOUSE
Williston Park (516) 747-1744

Nick & Charley Steak House is more noteworthy for what it isn’t than for what it is. It is not a fortress, stand-alone colossus as are Tellers, Bryant and Cooper, and Peter Luger’s. Unlike its competitors, it’s an unpretentious venue of bare floor and butcher-block tables and, best of all, it is by steak house standards, modestly priced.

A quick glance at the menu for steaks might cause some diners to disagree with that last observation. The prices seem to be very much in the steak house bracket, in the mid to high thirties. But at Nick & Charley, those prices include either the soup of the day or a Caesar salad and vegetable and potato accompaniments. Whereas at most steak houses diners get just the steak and perhaps a piece of parsley for that price while paying à la carte prices for everything else. Another deviation from the steak house norm is the absence of Charley. There is no such person here. Only Nick and his name is really Nico. But there is veteran talent on tap at Nick & Charley. The chef Joseppe hails from the well-regarded Café Picasso as does one of the waiters.

The soup of the day, when we visited, was split pea, a bowl not a cup of an excellent brew packed with carrots, potatoes and flavor. Likewise the Caesar salad choice was a good one, excellent tangy dressing and homemade croutons made it a winner. A jumbo lump crab cake appetizer (at $11.95) accompanied by sprightly greens and tasty tartar sauce was lightly cooked and first class in every way. However, a special of escargot, though generous with a centerpiece of fresh spinach, cried out for garlic, butter and taste of any kind.

A number of the non-steak entrées scored highest. A simple, half broiled chicken ran with juices and was especially tender. The single cut, loin lamb chops were plump, moist and tasty. The prix fixe dinner of which they were a part offered two chops but actually there were three on the plate. Those chops served with potato croquette and broccoli; preceded by the Caesar salad and followed by a decadent chocolate mousse cake cost $28.95 on the prix fixe dinner that is served every day of the week at different times.

The two steaks sampled, one listed on the menu as single steak with no clue as to what cut it was (sirloin) and the rib eye both boasted big time mineral flavor but were anything but buttery tender. And the rib eye, which is always fatty to a degree, was excessively so. However, the portion size for both was generous resulting in bags to tote home. Side dishes too gave a good accounting of themselves (although one diner neglected to remind her waiter to bring both the baked potato and broccoli she ordered). Yet that baked potato, fresh crisp broccoli and potato croquettes received nothing but praise at our table.

Desserts too received no complaints. The New York cheese cake was standard stuff but nothing to complain about. That chocolate mousse is actually a chocolate mousse cake rather than a bowl of that decadent dessert but it’s the best sweet. The Bourbon pecan pie served as it should be, slightly warmer than room temperature, satisfied its devotees and the apple strudel, that should have been a little warmer, was a gargantuan hunk, most of which went home with the steak and lamb chop leftovers.

Nick & Charley gives off a nice, warm, welcoming feeling; there are candles on the tables, pictures of old New York on the walls and a diverse bread basket to occupy patrons while they make their menu choices.

Let me tell you a story. When I was in my early twenties and living on Long Island, the city seemed made of emeralds for me. If I needed a new heart, lacked a little courage, or felt the urge to fill up my head with something other than straw, I headed west. And nine times out of ten, the yellow brick road led to The East Village’s Avenue A, which, in the nineties, was still filled with its share of ruffians and cosmic travelers.

Despite the shady characters, drug dealing and the No Tell Motel (a strange but ultimately fun place to hang for a young poet/songwriter from LI with stars in his eyes), Avenue A always managed to resonate that soft glow associated with things of beauty. It was prime real estate for the imagination. I played shows there with my band Surreal. I read poetry on the sidewalks. I transformed billboards into prayers, gargoyles into heroes, the night sky into a gigantic eye. I ate at the Odessa Diner.

What is it about overcrowded and overbuilt New York City that serves delicious freedom on a plate to Long Island youth, loosens the reigns and projects an ultimate playground onto the IMAX screen of the mind? Sometimes when I’m carrying home groceries down Avenue A, I’ll get a glimpse of the old me, who is (as Ferlinghetti writes in A Coney Island of the Mind) “constantly risking absurdity,” in love with life and the moment. He’s parked illegally, but I don’t tell him. He’ll figure it out on his own.

While most people leave the city and move to the suburbs when they get older and establish families, I’ve found myself in a kind of reverse commute. The city where I used to play and the city that used to be my escape is now my home. And this strange paradox keeps teaching me about what it means to be home and how we change and don’t change as people as we grow older. There is no moral to this story, only an invitation to remember. Head west, people. The city is a mirror and waits for you.

Dear Professor Love,
   
Last Saturday, I took an obviously entitled woman to a great steak restaurant in Great Neck. It was expensive (almost $200) but what really disturbed me was her constant use of her cell phone. First it was a call from her babysitter while we had drinks. Then during the meal she picked up a call from her so-called closest friend. Finally she texted her “ex” about some upcoming event. Am I wrong to be pissed off?

Thanks for the advice.
Will, Brookville, NY

Dear Will,
   
You’re preaching to the choir, Will. I’m old enough to have grown up in a different era—the PHTU (Pre-High Tech Use). It was a time when a man and woman had no choice but to concentrate on every word being spoken between them. There were no distractions to interrupt free-flow conversations.

But, today, between iPods, mp3 players, your Treo or BlackBerry, dating and intimacy between individuals is quickly becoming extinct. I know people who keep these devices under their pillows while making love (sic). It seems that everyone is coming to your private party.

It’s my highly educated opinion that many pre-teens, teenagers, gen x young adults, and yes, baby-boomers use these tools as security blankets.

Ever walk into a bar and observe people? Even if a person is alone, perhaps waiting for a friend or date to arrive, he or she is on the phone with someone. At a health club, even though signs clearly are posted “cell-free zone,” men and women are on treadmills spilling their personal business for all to hear. Only those with iPods are zoned into their own “la-la” land, oblivious to the world around them.

Will, the fact that your dinner date chose to interrupt your alone time with her, not once, not twice, but three times was rude, selfish and candidly proved indifference to you. You have every right to be angry. She was a disrespectful date. Period. Next!

I can’t figure out why people choose to disconnect today. Is an email or a text really communicating? I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

Bob’s Place Restaurant
(516) 354-8185, Floral Park
http://bobsplacerestaurant.com
I love the name Bob. I love the name Bob’s Place even more. Makes me want to visit Bob’s Place and play checkers with Bob, or go fishing for striped bass…with Bob. Ahem. Excellent chow/drinks. Excellent service. Trust me…even though my name isn’t Bob.

Chalet Bar and Lounge
(516) 621-7975, Roslyn
http://roslynchalet.com 
Sleek lounge-slash-restaurant that offers fondue plates and a solid wine list. Perfect for a romantic night out with your significant other(s). See what I did there, eh?

Jugs-N-Strokers Roadside Rest
(516) 623-4449, Merrick
http://jugsandstrokers.com
Graffiti. Beer. Jugs. Beer. Brassieres. Motorcycles. Jugs. Beer. Jugs. Get the point? If I haven’t mentioned the word “jugs” enough, they also have a gallery on their website named “Mystery Jugs,” with photographs of random…just go now.

Mirabelle Tavern at Three Village Inn
(631) 751-0555, Stony Brook
http://lessings.com
MONTHLY CRAFT BEER DINNERS!!! Sorry for the Caps Lock. And the exclamation points. The dork inside of me just loves learning more about the two most important things since the creation of civilization—beer and food.

Changing Times Ale House
(631) 368-3255, East Northport
http://thechangingtimespub.com
It’s rare to have the best of both worlds. No, not referring to that atrocious collaboration between Jay-Z and R. Kelly some years back. I mean the combination of a sports bar with a craft beer menu. UFC with Troegs DreamWeaver Wheat? Holla back, Changing Times.

Tara Inn
(631) 473-9602, Port Jefferson Station
Home of the amazing, yum-yum in my tum-tum, one dollar Tara Hamburger.

One of the first tells many poker players learn is to beware of a trembling hand. Often when a novice player picks up a big hand, he’s not able to control the adrenaline and his hands shake. But Shakes was different. Shakes always shook. Shakes shook when he put out his blinds. Shakes shook when he folded. Shakes shook when he was bluffing, when he wasn’t. Shakes’ shake was subtle, a bit like a vibration within his hands and arms. If you weren’t paying attention, you could miss it.

Shakes sat to my right at a $1-$2 no limit hold ‘em cash game and more than tripled his $200 buy-in in less than an hour. It was a high turnover table. Few players stayed long. They’d sit for a bit, lose or win something insignificant, or not so insignificant, and roll off to play slots or blackjack.

I was in the big blind and an obvious newbie raised to $10 in middle position. Shakes was on the button and he paused when the action came to him. He stared at Newbie until Newbie stared back. And, with his hand trembling, Shakes slid out a raise to $30.

I looked down at two rags and was happy to play spectator in Shakes’ game. It was back on Newbie who looked down at his cards and said, “If your hands didn’t shake I’d go all-in. But I’m going to fold.” Shakes’ hands shook as he raked in the pot.

A few hands later, Shakes limped in from middle position and I was on the button with Pocket 9s. I considered raising, glanced at Shakes and then at Newbie who was in the big blind waiting for me to act. He already looked at his cards, and I watched him finger his chips and lick his lips. Sensing his raise, I decided to play it safe and only call.

Newbie immediately tossed out a raise to $20 and Shakes went into his routine. Newbie fixated on Shakes’ hands. Shakes shook as usual, but only called Newbie’s raise. I called hoping to hit a set but ready to fold if the flop didn’t feel right.

The flop came down 2, 6, 8, rainbow. Newbie bet $40. Shakes counted out a raise to $100. Newbie’s eyes squinted when he saw Shakes shaking again. I folded my overpair without much thought.

“Again with the shaking,” Newbie mumbled his thoughts. “He limped then called. Then a nothing flop and he raises? Either Aces or he flopped a set? Ah, I fold.” He tossed his cards in the muck face up. Pocket Queens. Shakes flipped his cards in the muck but because of the way his arm shook, I saw that one was a deuce.

The next hand, Shakes and I both limped in, and it came to Newbie in the small blind. He was still thinking out loud trying to convince himself he made a good read and a good fold. “Raise it to $15,” Newbie announced. The rest of the table folded back to Shakes who called. I had King-Queen of hearts and called.

The flop came King-Queen-9, with two spades. Newbie bet $20 and Shakes calmly called. No shakes from Shakes, I thought. I didn’t like that, but I had to find out where I was in the hand. “Raise,” I said and put out $60. Newbie called with a sigh.

Shakes sat stone still. He slid out enough chips to put me all-in, easily covering Newbie as well. His hands were completely still. I wasn’t sure if he’d finally got me in his trap or if he was hunting Newbie on this hand. But something told me he wanted one or both of us to call. I folded my top two pair with more than a little reluctance.

“Ok, I’m all-in,” Newbie announced, “at least his hands didn’t shake this time, maybe I have a chance.” Newbie turned over King-Jack for top pair with a straight draw and flinched when Shakes turned over Jack-10 for the straight. Newbie could only tie with a 10, but when the turn and the river were both rags, Newbie stormed off, refusing to shake Shakes’ hand.

Stevie GB and Jimmy Q
April 9 & 10
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://mcguirescomedyshows.com

I saw a book in the library called Final Exit, a book about how to commit suicide. I’m thinking, this book is gonna be overdue. Everything goes as planned, this book is not coming back. —Stevie GB

I told my doctor “I think I have H1N1.” He said, “You sank my battleship.” —Stevie GB

Jim Florentine
April 17, 8 & 10:30pm
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://brokeragecomedy.com

They put warnings on cigarettes saying, “Smoking will kill you.” They should put warnings on French fries that read “Eating these will make you fat and nobody will want to have sex with you.” —Jim Florentine

Comedy Night
April 23, 8pm
Portico Wood Fire Grill, Hauppauge
(631) 471-1221, http://porticogrill.com

Will feature Tina Giorgi, Tyrone Hawkins and Andy Pitz. Tickets: $10.

Kevin Brennan
April 23, 9pm; April 24, 7:30 & 10pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, http://govs.com

Women get close to orgasms, guys don’t. You ever get close to an orgasm? Guys don’t get close—we see the finish line, we cross the finish line. If we have to drag a broken leg, we will cross the finish line. —Kevin Brennan

My high school years are the best years of my life? I live with my parents. I don’t have a car. I’m a virgin. I have no money. And these are the best years of my life? Then kill me right now. —Kevin Brennan

The cuisine in this Island of ours is a picture of diversity, and this month, it is both diverse in style and selection with some new additions to the landscape and some interesting tangents taken. Both are sure to delight devoted LI foodies tired of the norm.

On the selection side of things, a plethora of deals will be available from 70+ restaurants and other establishments during the 8th Annual Hamptons Restaurant Week, being held across the North and South Forks from March 21st-28th. There will be either a $19.95 or $24.95 price fixe menu, discounted Long Island wines, spa and lodging discounts and more. Go to http://www.hamptonsrestaurantweek.com for more details.

Italian food is available in every corner of Nassau and Suffolk, but little of it surpasses the generic “red sauce” variety. Old friend and restaurant owner Peter Nicolosi’s establishments are the exception. Michelangelos in Mineola (516) 747-2129 will offer quality dishes with imported ingredients. Pulse declared that the pizza available at his Northport location was tops, and now Nassau County can experience his molto bene pizza and Italian cuisine.

Another ubiquitous variety of cuisine on the Island is Asian, be it the latest profusion of sushi joints or the hundreds of Chinese-American restaurants. Transcending these unremarkable locales is the newly opened Dao Restaurant in Huntington (631) 425-7788. They offer very contemporary Asian Fusion cuisine along with an extensive, multidimensional sushi and sashimi menu. Selections include the legendary Toro (market price), their version of the California Roll ($4) and a number of spicy seafood rolls.

The “Chef’s Special Rolls” (starting at $12) are innovative sushi interpretations, the most sumptuous being the “Dao Roll,” ($26) which contains tuna, yellowtail, jalapeno, sweet shrimp, avocado and caviar.

Finally, chef Todd Jacobs, owner of Atlantica in Westhampton Beach, has recently opened a second Atlantica at the Allegria Hotel & Spa in Long Beach (516) 992-3730. His innovative, seasonal menu, utilizing local meats and vegetables, will be available at the new location as well.

CALDAS
Garden City South, (516) 216-5665

Want a really authentic ethnic restaurant? If you can find it, Caldas Café Restaurant and Bar, a newish Portuguese restaurant and bar is a possibility. You’ll be told it’s in New Hyde Park and although it has a New Hyde Park zip code, it’s actually in Garden City South. Calling this homey little nook is not advised. We did and found that one-third of the time nobody answered, one-third of the time there was an answering machine and the other third we spoke to one or two people with a very limited command of the English language who weren’t much help when it came to directions.

Which brings us to the benefits and deficiencies of authenticity. Caldas is a very modest venue with a cooler in the dining room, artificial flowers on each paper and cloth covered table, bare floors, two televisions featuring Portuguese programming and a bar room about the size of the dining room. Its food ranges from rough at the edges peasant fare to some interesting ethnic possibilities. Totally, I’d categorize it as being equivalent to Portuguese pub grub with the same unevenness and inconsistencies often encountered in pubs. Service is sweet and accommodating but green and clueless with the added burden of major language problems.

Our Portuguese-born waitress never cleared plates, told us the seafood soup was creamed (it wasn’t), indicated a complimentary after-dinner drink was gin, at least that’s the way it sounded (it wasn’t), and simply couldn’t find the English words to describe many dishes.

Let’s start with the benefits at Caldas. Chewy, dense cornbread from the nearby All Nations Portuguese bakery is terrific. Recommended appetizers include a humongous plate of flaming chorizo sausage that was enough to fill four hungry diners and fresh, shells-on grilled shrimp with a touch of garlic was also a bountiful serving. Although we got no real answer about why appetizers were priced much like entrées, the reason is they’re just about as big. Skip soups, there are two: A weak, watery green soup, probably kale based, with two or three spicy sausage slices and that seafood soup which has an off-putting fishy flavor. Among the other deficiencies encountered were a limited menu with many items unavailable—no clams, (a major ingredient in Portuguese cuisine), four out of seven desserts missing and a deviation in the menus given to various diners. Both the descriptions of dishes and some dishes themselves varied from one to the other.

Appetizers and desserts, the beginnings and endings, were better than main courses. Bacalhau à Caldas was a bony fried cod with nicely sautéed onions and potato crisps that weren’t crisp. Pork with spicy sauce was tough and a kebab with pork, beef, chicken, onion and peppers was tasty but also tough. A special described as rabbit stew that proved to be more large pieces of rabbit in a sauce passed muster as did its rice and salad. But the great gobs of French fries that accompanied it were limp and soggy.

Our spirits improved at dessert time. A big slice of pudin flan draped with caramel sauce was first rate, chocolate mousse delivered desirable texture and flavor and something listed as sweet cookie, actually layered cookies and pudding in a sherbet glass, was a refreshing, pleasing surprise.

Despite language difficulties, the nice people at Caldas aim to please though they don’t quite have their act together at this point in time. We wish them well in the future.

***

BROOKWOODS
slip Terrace, (631) 277-5500

The saying that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck doesn’t always apply in the restaurant world. Brookwoods in Islip Terrace is Exhibit A. It looks like a typical roadhouse along the frenetic Sunrise Highway.
Upon being seated on a recent weeknight we were offered $6 martinis as well as $3 well drinks and told that the karaoke and dancing would begin at 8pm. Signs that proclaim satellite TV games and an extensive bar menu await the patrons who down these drinks.

Despite clues to the contrary, Brookwoods is not a motorcycle gang hangout. It is a serious restaurant that serves simple, well-executed, solid dishes.

Chef John Scunziano, who was the Executive sous chef at Prime, 75 Main and the Seafood Bar, before coming to Brookwoods, has constructed a menu heavy on American comfort food with some continental and Latino touches that is, considering the atmospherics, much better than many patrons might expect it to be. Both the à la carte offerings and the commendable, bargain priced three-course fixed price menus ($21.95) are packed with hearty fare like gumbo, lentil soup, New England clam chowder, beef and pulled pork sliders, meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, a ¾ pound burger, steaks, pastas, seafood, apple cobbler, New York style cheesecake and Mississippi Mud Pie.

Brookwoods, where the Tuscany House had been, is named for a nearby historic site called Brookwood Hall. Known as Stellerwerf’s Lake House in the 1880s, it featured home cooking and comfortable rooms. In the 1940s, Brookwood Hall became an orphanage and today is a town of Islip art museum. Brookwoods Restaurant and Lounge is a neat, spiffy, though basic spot with red and white napery, shiny bare floors, a pressed tin ceiling and sepia turn-of-the-century photos of nearby Bay Shore and Islip.

Dishes on the Sunday-through-Thursday price fixed menu were the equal of those on the à la carte bill of fare in both quantity and quality. Among them were knowingly seasoned lentil soup with ham that packed a soothing, deep flavor; a fresh, crisp, diverse (though slightly too cold) house salad; a rich, moist, flounder Newburgh featuring broiled fish; and an opulent seafood, sherry cream sauce accompanied by good, crisp, green beans and a rustic, robust turkey pot pie baked and served in a big black skillet. The two desserts sampled were a respectable Amaretto crème brûlée and a vivid, tasty apple cobbler that was a tad too hot, topped with a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream.

The à la carte selections sampled were a husky gumbo, dense with chorizo sausage slices, shrimp, ham, chicken and rice; a classic version of Caesar salad with house made herb croutons and two meat centered entrées—a petite (8-ounce) filet mignon that was tiny, tender and terrific and the Vanderbilt, a sprawling veal chop with a big protruding bone, touched with a butter, lemon and caper sauce. The veal chop, the julienned vegetables that came on most plates and the jumbo baked potato with the steak all needed salt to bring them to life.

Two à la carte desserts batted .500. A bland raspberry almond tarte yielded scant flavor while a chocolate lava cake was an excellent version of a commonly seen sweet.

The last year and a half has been rough for the wine industry. High-end wine is out, show-off wines are gauche, unlimited expense accounts disappeared and many other issues conspired against the industry. Yet at the same time, wine consumption around the world continues to increase. In the United States, India and China, more people are drinking wine, but the average price paid for a bottle has fallen due to the past years’ economic woes.

The most important wine event of the past decade has to be the influence of the Internet. Wine sales and pricing changed due to the ability for consumers to compare prices and purchase wines from most states around the country. Wine reviews evolved as well due to bloggers, and the winemakers can quickly communicate problems and successes in the vineyard or winery to other producers throughout the world.

In concert with the Internet and because of it, arcane alcohol shipping laws changed and wine is allowed to be sold across most state lines. This evolution continues and more states allow free shipping of wine (see Massachusetts). This direct shipment of wine has taken a massive shot at the so-called three-tier system (the system that forces wine and alcohol to be sold through several middlemen who take a cut before the product reaches its final consumer). And the three-tier system is fighting back with all its power.

The economy helped reign in out-of-control pricing for some wines, such as Bordeaux and cult wines from around the world, especially California and Australia. This will unfortunately bring pain to some vineyard owners and wine producers but will offer some fine values to consumers. It’s what’s called a correction and has been needed since the 2003 vintage in Bordeaux.

Pinot Noir was put on the map in the last decade due to the movie Sideways. Will it be Syrah, Grenache, Riesling or some other grape that gets its comeuppance this new decade? With all the young foodies, it might be Riesling.

Last year’s defeat of new legislation that would have allowed the sale of wine in grocery stores was big, but this legislation is up again this year with more benefits to the small wine storeowner and more lobbying by the large grocery store corporations. If it does not succeed this year, I believe it will continue to be pushed forward until it does pass. My prediction is that at some point in this decade, we will see New York allowing wine sales in grocery stores.

Internet sales will become passé and the new generation consuming wine will dictate what replaces the Internet in what some are calling the “post internet.” This could be any number of mediums that either exist now (Twitter, Facebook, iPhone apps) or are still being thought up. What wine apps will be developed for Apple’s new iPad?

China and India will take over as the world’s biggest wine consumers, and both will be competing to be the world’s top wine producers in the next decade. Climate change will be a big issue in the wine industry, with more producers using lighter packaging materials, and maybe even shipping wine in bulk and having it bottled at its destination.

Dear Dr. Love,
Why are some men such tight wads? A man asks me out to dinner and with a sigh and wince complains about the cost of the meal. Should I just offer to pay my portion? Or tell him he is cheap?
Sheila, Rockville Centre

Dear Sheila,
If you outright tell a man who takes you to dinner, wanting to learn more about you, wanting to spend time with you, that he is a tightwad, expect to win the battle, but lose the war!

Very simply, he’ll never call you again. If that is your goal, then be my guest. Just remember that many men try to impress a woman on a first outing by taking her to a restaurant, which has ambiance and atmosphere. Perhaps your gentleman friend is ill-prepared for the “check-shock.”

You can help the situation by putting yourself in his shoes. Limit your alcohol consumption and order a less expensive entrée. I mean do you really need to order three martinis and filet mignon with lobster at your first dinner? I don’t think so.

Personally, I love going to Friendly’s for a breakfast or even Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts for the first time out. My date and I can nurse a cup of coffee and share a donut because the chemistry is strong. Sometimes all you need is to look into each others’ eyes to know that the food is unimportant.

So don’t make his comments about the cost of the meal a “deal-breaker.” And it’s fine for you to offer to pay part of it or to leave the tip. It’s refreshing to a man.

It’s so easy to win in the “war games of love.” How?

1) Don’t complain because a date should be a positive experience. Everyone has a family issue, a job issue, a health issue…if you complain, you are expending negative energy.

2) Keep the personal and intimate details to a minimum until you really get to know the other person. It takes time to establish trust between a man and a woman.

3) Never put yourself down. A date is not a session in counseling. You are supposed to make a good impression. Whatever intimacy and personal issues you have (or have had) should be held for another time and place.

Until next month, happy dating! And please send your questions to me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

Brown’s Tavern
(516) 676-5793, Locust Valley
http://www.brownstavern.com
It’s all about Trivia Night on Thursdays.

Cannon’s Blackthorn
(516) 594-1222, Rockville Centre
http://www.cannonsblackthornrvc.com
What an Irish pub and restaurant should be—cozy and dim lit, with fireplaces, wood décor and a hearty menu of authentic homeland cuisine. Oh, and an Irish flag hanging above outside, too. That should always be there.

Croxley Ales
(516) 764-0470, Rockville Centre
http://www.croxley.com
At 52 taps, Rockville Centre houses the smallest draught selection of the three Long Island Croxley locations. Yep. Smallest selection…at 52. That’s still a lot of beer. Real goodies are the large Belgian bottles. Those who hate crowds should skip Monday and Wednesday wing nights.

Tricia’s American Cafe
(631) 422-7879, Babylon Village
http://www.triciascafe.com
Only a few Brooklyns on tap, but sometimes, beer variety isn’t all that matters. Yes, I just said that. Fresh, fresh food (Wrap-A-Doo!) and quality service will keep you going back. Trust me.

T.J. Finley’s
(631) 647-4856, Bay Shore
http://www.tjfinleys.com
I like drinking here. I also like to pose for photographs with the wooden Franziskaner monk toward the back of the bar each time I visit. It’s win-win, really.

Bobbique
(631) 447-7744, Patchogue
http://www.bobbique.com
Over 125 craft beers, including the ultra-super-mega rare Samuel Adams Utopias 2007 (27.00% ABV, brewed in bourbon and sherry casks, $150.00 per 24-ounce bottle) for those with a refined palate and deep wallet. Who wants to gift me a bottle?

When I first heard about Mama’s, I was just out of college and always on the lookout for good cheap eats. My NYU friends told me about this little food shop in the east village that served fresh heaping portions of stuff your mother cooked—and all for under ten bucks. While the prices may have gone up a bit, the quality and vibe is still interesting enough to warrant a visit when you’re in the neighborhood.

Because my mother is an Armenian woman from Cairo, Egypt, it was via Mama’s that I learned the American way with regard to home cooking. Take for instance, the idea of meatloaf with its compact humility and unpretentious propensity to feed the masses. That was the first class. Then there was the regality of Kale, Swiss Chard’s fire, and Butternut Squash’s intermittent mingling with a character from my part of the world, the good old pomegranate, mysterious gypsy rocker. Mama’s little university gave me fried chicken, yes, but it also gave me oh so much more.

Because the food was so good, it took me two or three visits before I noticed that every framed portrait or photograph that adorned the place was, indeed, somebody’s mother. There were what seemed like (when I first noticed them) hundreds of mothers at Mama’s, and, like Mona Lisa’s crazy band of aunts, they kept watch over me when I ate: The stern mother, the nurturer, the silly equestrian, the Dada artist…even a version of my mother upset at me for not finishing my cauliflower. You’ll never be rich, the voice from the wall chided, if you don’t finish what’s on your plate.

This strange variation on a theme was a Semerdjian family aphorism. (Armenians know too well about people starving in the world and, perhaps, search for new dinner table incentives that don’t bring up as many ghosts.) I finished my plate all right, but I never did get rich, not yet anyway. That might be a good thing though. Mama’s is not high culture dining. Sometimes the pedestal of money can elevate us above what we most need. Too high, we don’t smell the flavors of home, don’t see the love on our plate, and don’t stop in enough on mom even though doing so may be just what the doctor ordered for our 21st Century blues. mamasfoodshop.com.

Ben Bailey
March 5, 8 & 10:30pm, March 6, 7:30 & 10pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, http://www.govs.com
Every time I get off the train, I try to get out of the station and back up to the street, I end up getting stuck behind these really slow people on the stairs. It’s been happening to me for years. And my question is this: how the hell do they keep beating me to the stairway?—Ben Bailey

Comedy Night
March 12, 7:30pm
Cooperage Inn, Baiting Hollow
(631) 727-8994, http://www.cooperageinn.com
Will feature John Santo, Meredith Daniels and Tom Daddario. Dinner/Show: $39.95/person.
Living in a basement stinks. I ordered pizza the other night and gave the guy a 20. He said, “No, you keep the change.”—Meredith Daniels

Comedy Night
March 12, 8pm
Portico Wood Fire Grill, Hauppauge
(631) 471-1221, http://www.porticogrill.com
Will feature Colin Kane, Terry McNeely, George Gallo and Mick Thomas. Tickets: $10.

Mick Thomas and Sparky
March 19 & 20
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://www.mcguirescomedyshows.com
The ancient Mayans used to commit human sacrifices by pulling the hearts out of their victims. It’s kinda like rooting for the Knicks.—Sparky
My brother is gay and dyslexic. Every time he hears that song “YMCA” we have to take him to Macy’s.—Sparky

Robert Kelly
March 26 & 27
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://www.brokeragecomedy.com
I love those restaurants that cater to fat people. They know fat people are showing up. You walk in, they’re like, “Hey, we took chicken and put cake in it. Is that cool?”—Robert Kelly

I folded every hand for the first two rounds of a tournament at the Borgata until I looked down at Pocket 10s on the button. Everyone folded in front of me so I raised the standard three big blinds then watched the little blind and the big blind both fold. I pulled in a very small pot. I went back to folding as one player took control of the table. I played with him before and took to calling him Biff, because he not only looked like the guy from Back to the Future but he also always messed up jokes as in “make like a tree and get outta here.”

Biff raised almost every pot he entered and began to build a good size stack. He raised in early position and a player behind him, probably sensing Biff had nothing, went all in. I looked down at Pocket 10s. I didn’t want to be the third player in with only a medium pair so I folded. Biff called the all in and they turned over their cards. Pocket 9s for Biff and Pocket 8s for the all-in player. Biff won the pot and raked in the guy’s chips. I kicked myself for folding but knew it was the correct play in the long run.
Biff slowed down his raising and I got into a few small pots, gradually building my stack until I was second in chips to Biff. I was in late position and looked down at two black 10s. I put in the standard raise and it was folded to Biff in the big blind. He looked at his cards and calmly said, “All-in.” I went in the tank for a few minutes. Did I really want to call off all my chips with Pocket 10s? I put Biff on something like Ace-King or maybe a pair in the neighborhood of my pair but I was pretty sure he didn’t have a bigger pair so I made the call. Biff turned over Ace-Queen of spades.

The Flop came down all low cards, but all hearts. The Turn was another low heart and the table started to grumble. The River brought the Ace of hearts giving both of us a flush on the board and we split the pot.

Biff went back to raising almost every hand and I went back to folding. I was in the big blind when Biff came in for a standard raise. Everyone folded to me and I looked down at Pocket 10s again. I thought about going all in but was pretty sure Biff would call with two overs and I didn’t feel the need to get into a coin flip situation so I only called. The Flop came down 9-9-7. Biff bet small and I was pretty sure he missed the flop. “All in,” I said and Biff called immediately. “Damn,” I said, “you must have that nine, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m pulling in on runway Jack-niner, last stop, watch the gap,” Biff said turning over Jack-9 of clubs. Neither the Turn nor the River brought me either of my two outs, the two remaining tens and Biff pulled in all my chips. I picked up my things to leave and offered my hand to Biff. He shook my hand and said, “Don’t let the door hit you in the face on the way out.”

Dr. Love,
I had the pleasure to meet you at the November LI singles Lifestyle Expo held at the Marriott Islandia Hotel. At your lecture, you invited audience members to send you a question. During the holidays I get a little blue, maybe even depressed. I tend to drink too much knowing my teenagers live with my ex-wife in the house we once shared. Any guidance?
Paul, Bethpage

Dear Paul,
Don’t be so hard on yourself. When you combine the bitter cold winter months with holidays such as Christmas, New Year’s and even the upcoming Valentine’s Day, feelings have to come to the surface.

Both men and women lose an awful lot during a divorce, in emotional as well as material terms. After four years, I am still harboring strong resentment for no longer having a lifelong partner, nor being able to see my youngest son on a day to day basis, losing a prestigious home with two fireplaces, Jacuzzi, gym, pool, tennis court, etc. All you can do is hold your head high and live each day.

You know Paul, it’s never a bad thing to seek out the support of a trusted friend (who knows how to keep things in confidence) or a professional healthcare provider. One tip: The less said to your children, the better off you are. Oftentimes, a fresh perspective is all you need to get through tough times.

I have found that if you take photos at happy events A.D. (after divorce) and put them in the refrigerator, it can make you a happier person. I have a photo of my Cobalt Bowrider, which is in winter storage. Whenever I look at the picture, I realize I’m one day closer to the opening of the 2010 boating season. I’ll take a photo of a special lady friend or two—always works!

And finally, think how lucky you are if you are not in a serious relationship this Valentine’s day, you don’t have to worry about what to buy her…you can save your money or spend it on yourself! You are in a win-win situation.
Until next month, happy dating! Send your emails to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

I sat down at a $1-$2 no limit hold ‘em table at the Borgata and pulled my small stack of chips towards me until they were pressed against the padded armrest. The game seemed to be stalled as the dealer leaned over speaking, almost shouting, in the ear of a very old lady.

“Do you know the order of poker hands, ma’am?” he asked. “Like one pair, two pair, three of a kind, straight and flush? Do you know what these are and do you understand what hands beat what?”

“Oh, I think so,” the old lady said. “You forgot royal flush, my Sam got one of those once. We were in a casino in Havana, back then you could…”

“Excuse me, ma’am,” the dealer butted in, “do you understand the hand rankings now?”

“But does a straight beat a flush?” she asked. “I can never remember that.”

“Flush beats a straight, ma’am.” The dealer placed the deck in the card shuffler.

“And when do I get to draw three cards,” the woman asked. “Or four if you have an ace, but then you’d have to…”

“This is Texas hold ‘em, ma’am, there is no drawing. You get two cards face down and you will be able to combine them with the five community cards in any combination to make the best five card poker hand.”

“But two plus five is seven.”

“Yes, but you only need to use five, you can ignore any two cards.”

“Oh, ok. I understand.”

The dealer pulled the deck out of the card shuffler and was about to deal but looked at the old lady who had a finger in her mouth. “Is there anything else ma’am?”

She hesitated and smiled from one side of her mouth. “When do I go all-in?”

The table erupted in laughter.

“Any time you want,” someone said.

Others chimed in. “All in the first hand.”

“Every hand. Just push and pray.”

The dealer held up his hand and cleared his throat. “Ma’am, this is a no-limit table so when it’s your turn you can bet any amount you choose up to all your chips. You don’t have to go all-in, you can bet anything you want, unless someone else has already made a bet.”

“Can we play yet?” some douchebag said.

“Ok,” the dealer held the cards out and motioned to the two players to his left. “Little blind, big blind.” The first player to the left tossed out one chip and the second player put out two.

“What’s that?” the old lady asked. The table was split in half over who laughed and who groaned, but Douchebag stood up flapping his arms.

“Holy Christ! C’mon, are you kidding me?” Douchebag yelled in the old lady’s face.

“Ease up,” I said, “you’re seriously gonna step up to an old lady?”

A few people voiced agreement and an old man said, “We were all beginners at some point, this gal just waited a while. Give her a break.”

“Ok, ok.” Douchebag sat down. “Carl, might as well give it all to her step by step.”

The dealer sighed. “Ok, ma’am, now you do understand the hands and what beats what, right?” She nodded. “Ok, so the first two players to the left of the dealer put out what are called the little blind and the big blind. Since this is a 1-2 table, the little blind puts out one dollar chip and the big blind puts out two. Then it goes to the next player to the left who can fold. Or if he wants to play he has to put in two. That’s a call. If he wants to raise, he can raise it however much he wants. Say everyone only calls the first bet then it comes back to the little blind and he would have to put only one more in to see a flop. The big blind then has the option to check and see a flop or raise. If he checks, the flop comes, it is the first three of the five community cards. The first three are the flop, then one comes called the turn, then the last one called the river. And everyone gets to bet before and after everything happens.”

“Oh my f’n God,” Douchebag spouted, “I think you confused her even more. Now I don’t think I even know how to play. Could you be any more unclear?”

“That’s ok, Douchebag, I think I get it,” the old lady said and everyone busted out in laughter, even Douchebag.

Mineola Boulevard is lined with ethnic, mostly Portuguese, restaurants. Last June, Lemon Leaf, a Thai restaurant, tried to shoehorn its way into this multinational array of eating places. Judging from my two visits and the sparse number of diners at the tables in this newish Asian spot, Lemon Leaf is still trying to catch on.

It’s a restaurant that deserves better. Despite comic opera service, its food is consistently tasty, its portions are bountiful and its prices are eminently affordable. It’s also a restaurant with a successful pedigree. A number of other Lemon Leaf restaurants on Long Island with the same or similar menus are prospering. Nor should diners who are spice adverse fear the blowtorch dishes often associated with Thai cuisine. Quite the opposite.

We succeeded with the Tom Yam Goong, or spicy shrimp soup, packed with plump shrimp, lemon grass, mushrooms, pepper, lime juice and plenty of lively kick. On a scale of ten for most spicy and one for least, our table’s vote came in between seven and ten. The heat quotient batted .500 on two salads. The papaya ordered with medium spice was a light, airy delight, but there was not a hint of snap, crackle or pop. (I realize this might be good news for many, perhaps most, diners). The calamari salad had just enough snap to make it interesting and to contrast with the more often encountered Italian version of calamari. Both of these salads, priced at $7.25 were enough appetizers for six diners.

Other noteworthy starters were the shrimp noodle or gigantic deep fried shrimp wrapped in crisp noodles that generated both taste and texture contrast, and the mini spring rolls (eight for $5.50) that were thin, crisp, greaseless treats. Indian golden bread, a flaky pastry roll with interesting nut-dominated filler, was sometimes crisp and sometimes doughy. Pad Thai, a signature dish of Thailand, was a tad too sweet for my taste. Three other pasta dishes surpassed it: An onion-dominated drunken noodle, which is a wide, stir fried noodle laced with chicken or beef; Phad Wooson, a pan-fried clear noodle mixed with shrimp, shitake mushroom, tomatoes and vegetables; and a chicken/fresh noodle preparation that offers vegetables, lime leaf and a little kick.

Shrimp entrée dishes are a good way to go. The Goong Phao, or grilled jumbo shrimp in the shell, are the size of tiny steaks. (They are the menu’s most expensive entrée at $19.50.) Garlic shrimp run a close second. Meat eaters should check out the lemon grass pork chop, thin sliced, marinated in lemon grass, with garlic, lime juice and galanga (a ginger-like root). It boasts a medley of flavors and is bony but good. One of the best and least expensive entrées ($9) is the stir-fried eggplant in a tangy chili sauce studded with lime leaves.

Desserts are few and predictable: Fried banana, fresh mango with sticky rice, and three tiny ramekins of pudding-like Thai coconut cake.

One hard working, well meaning but amateurish waitress is hard pressed, often overwhelmed taking care of bar patrons, telephone inquiries, take out orders and diners. Wine service is a complete calamity, dishes are rarely if ever cleared and occasionally an entrée delivered to the table is not the one that was ordered.

Yet, this little Asian enclave, with its pink napery, bathed in soft light, serving consistently good food deserves more attention than it’s getting.

With apologies to Paul Revere—the Bohlsen’s are coming, the Bohlsen’s are coming. In fact, they’re already here. Michael and Kurt Bohlsen converted a 1922 red brick, two-story former bank building next to their Tellers Chophouse into Verace, a slick, stylish, sophisticated restaurant dedicated to serving authentic Italian (not Italian-American) food and wine.

Verace is the logical next step in the culinary ascent of the Bohlsen family who already own prestigious, top-of-the-line restaurants like Prime in Huntington and Tellers in Islip, and casual, comfortable, moderately priced eating places like the Beachtree Café and Smithtown’s H2O Seafood Grill. It figured the Bohlson’s would not long neglect Italian food, still the Island’s favorite. They plan to cover all the bases later this year by opening an expansive, yet to be named, Asian restaurant (like Manhattan’s Buddakan) in Babylon.

Diners enter Verace (which means truthful, as in authentic) through a patio-like Italian garden to the entrance. They then pass by a bright red, open kitchen, a wood stone pizza oven with a viewing window, a 100-year-old Berkel meat slicer and stainless steel lined Eco Wine Kegs behind the bar. The main room, with its secondary balcony dining area, has lines that are both modern and rustic. Its brick walls, barrel vaulted Cathedral-style ceiling with a giant Paisley fabric, tall windows, reclaimed angled oaked floors and soaring 20-foot long blue velvet drapes all contribute to a dramatic layout that enhances the food.

That food is prepared by Francesco Torre from Tuscany by way of California. Diners at Verace eat like Italians not Americans. They consume little bites, antipastos, pastas, entrées and desserts rather than traveling the standard appetizer, entrée, dessert route. All of Mr. Torre’s Italian Grandma cooking is accomplished in house and served on tabletops of Caesar stone granite. Nothing is dandified or pretentious, down-to-earth is the rule here.

Those little bites, or Sfizi, are perfect accompanying before dinner drinks. Try the savory Sicilian olives. The tasty, simple, thin-crusted pizzas are among the best antipastos (though not noticeably different than those at more typical Italian restaurants). Another positive possibility is the plump, pristine steamed mussels in white wine with nice, crispy bread. The baby Romaine hearts with Caesar dressing are respectable though not outstanding or unusual.

The fragrant, earthy, sublimely rustic pastas are, as they should be, Verace’s strong suit. They are faithfully Italian, the real stuff. Target the hearty, hefty, spaghetti with veal meatballs, a peasanty triumph; the rich, ultra creamy gnocchi with Teleggio cheese Fonduta that break apart in your mouth with feathery delicacy; the moist grilled shrimp risotto accompanied by a jumbo shrimp; and the refined, subtle crab ravioli stuffed with enough discernable spinach to make them interesting.
The secondi or entrée super star is the light, fresh, flaky grilled branzino filet with olive oil, sea salt and spinach. The seafood stew containing briny fresh-from-the-sea ingredients (shrimp, octopus, clams, mussels) is much like an Italian bouillabaisse (and like that French creation, the bang is in the broth). Two other excellent main events, the tender, prime, fall-from-the-bone braised veal Osso Bucco on a pool of creamy white polenta and Grandma’s chicken Parmigiana that’s lighter than standard versions, aren’t particularly unusual but are enthusiastically recommended.

Finish up with a lighter-than-air cannoli or better yet, an interesting non-traditional tiramisu in which the usually soft Lady Fingers are rolled flat and pan fried. And don’t neglect the ambitious array of wines at Verace. In addition to over 100 by the bottle choices from Italy, Australia, South American and the USA, there are custom-blended wines on tap in those Eco Kegs behind the bar.

Verace offers good food, fair prices and nice waiters. Its ingredients are fresh and distinct, its portions are appropriate and its presentations are clear.

For decades, I’ve noted the vast difference in the level of culinary experiences found in major metropolitan cities versus suburban areas (obviously, there are great exceptions). First, it was Albany versus Manhattan, then Long Island versus Manhattan, then the Hamptons versus Manhattan. Naturally comparing the culinary scene in any place against Manhattan isn’t really fair. I originally landed in the Hamptons because it felt like a cross between parts of Manhattan and Cape Cod. But other suburban areas have become important culinary and vinous hot spots in a shorter time.

First, I began hearing about the great food and wine experiences that could be found in Florida. I also discovered impressive culinary and vinous programs in places like Aspen and Vail, Colorado. Then I spent a weekend in Las Vegas. You know, that crude gambling town full of sex and depravity. The culinary and vinous scene there is one of the best I have experienced. I’d always thought everything would be just big and over-the-top: Giant steaks, big, obvious wines (Opus One, Tignanello, Latours and the lot way overpriced), caviar and Cristal by the gallon. Of course, there was plenty of that, but what surprised me was the diversity and quality of the dining. Great restaurants showcasing cuisines of China, France, Italy, Japan, Morocco, India, Brazil, etc., and wine programs to suit those cuisines.

Given only a weekend, I only sampled a handful of the restaurants, all were very impressive, the most being Michael Mina Restaurant in The Bellagio Hotel. The place came highly recommended, so I expected excellent food and was not disappointed. But the surprise was the service. It was the finest I’ve ever had in any restaurant. While I was thrilled with the experience, this combined with the other dining in Las Vegas actually depressed me. I can’t understand why we can’t achieve this here on Long Island (especially in the Hamptons) and it makes me actually hope for the Shinnecock Nation’s success in opening a casino on the east end. It would be great for the whole culinary and wine scene.

But I remain confident that we can collectively achieve a Vegas level of restaurant quality before a casino moves in. The key is that we need to create the culture here for respecting the culinary experience. What’s the answer? I personally feel an elegant, classy casino is a great answer, but just knowing that other places have developed into world-class culinary destinations without casinos, and further from such a wealthy city as New York, should make it a worthy goal and prove that it is possible. I also know it will take more than one restaurant or hotel to make this transition—it will take a group of like-minded restaurateurs. So lets get it going, please.

Valentine’s Day on LI is always big for restaurants and caterers. Two establishments have taken it beyond the basic price fixe to their own unique versions of Valentine fun. New openings and technological advancements also abound.
Just in time for the start of the second decade of the 21st century, Vittorio’s Restaurant & Wine Bar in Amityville (631) 264-3333 has become one of the first, if not the first, restaurant on Long Island to have an iPhone app. Users can access Vittorio’s social networking sites, their online store, post comments, and more. It is available in the iPhone App Store as “Vittorios.”

A new year brings some brand new eateries to our sandbar, each wildly different from the other. The crème de la crème of Long Island bakeries is featured at Long Island’s Best Desserts in Port Jefferson (631) 403-4316. Serving dessert and only dessert, decadent cakes such as Death By Chocolate and Carrot Cake dot the menu, alongside one of the broadest selections of cheesecakes available from any one menu in the area from the New York Classic to a marriage of Bananas Foster and cheesecake and everything in between. In a more savory vein is Rare650 in Syosset (516) 496-8000, the latest creation of steakhouse specialist Anthony Scotto. Within its sumptuous environs, premium aged steaks are available, as well as sushi, sashimi and Mediterranean-inspired seafood.

And what would a February foodie column be without highlighting ways to have a romantic evening with your valentine? East Wind in Wading River (631) 929-6585 is holding a Valentine’s Day Dinner Dance on February 13 from 7-11pm. Their first class chefs will prepare a four-hour feast and there will be an open bar. Dancing will follow. Or if you want to want to have a quiet evening at home, Citarella, with locations in East Hampton (631) 324-9190 and Water Mill (631) 726-3636 is offering a Valentine’s Day catering menu. Orders may be placed up to three days in advance and contain several varieties of caviar and foie gras for an appetizer, choice cuts including filet mignon and rack of lamb for a meat course, oysters by the dozen and an extensive dessert selection—Godiva chocolates, cakes, cookies, specially-made cupcakes and more.

Picture this. There’s a box within a box within a box within another box. The last box is your mind. The first box is New York City. The other two boxes are the Sunshine Cinemas on Houston (between 1st and 2nd Avenues) and whatever auditorium you happen to be in when the movie of your life is playing. This is the conceptual diagram of a dream.

The movie theater has always been sprinkled with magic dust for me and nowhere is the spell stronger than in the heart of Oz. When Landmark Theatres (the nation’s jolly green giant of independent films) restored an old art house building on the narrow isthmus between the East Village and the Lower East Side in 2001, a kind of community of romantics was born. Now, nine years later, Sunshiners whisper secrets between films in front of the century-old exposed brick foundation and ponder verisimilitude and fantastic views from the third floor glass annex window to the world. When it’s quiet in there and you’re walking the hallways alone, I swear you can feel the conversations of Vaudevillian ghosts stirring in the corners. Don’t worry they won’t harm you; they love the films there too. That’s why they’ll never leave.

Though Long Island has a few independent theaters of its own (hello Cinema Arts—I miss you), there’s something sublime in finding oneself inside the Russian doll described above. Maybe it’s the gravity of the greatest city in the world. Maybe it’s that Manhattan is a bit like an independent film in and of itself. Maybe it’s that there is no better mirror for the human soul than a screen in a dark room far away from home. Whatever the reason, the movie theater in New York City still rules. Step out of one soon, and I’ll meet you on the sidewalk. We’ll genuflect the night away. http://www.landmarktheatres.com.

Comedy Night
February 5, 8pm
The Flaming Hearth, Farmingville
(631) 471-1221
Will feature Chris Roach, Tina Giorgi and Joe DeVito. Tickets: $10.
It’s not easy being big. I was outside a bar making a phone call and a bunch of guys walked up to me and handed me their IDs. I told them that was an offensive stereotype and I collected a ten dollar cover from each of them.—Chris Roach
My GPS has the technology to put a satellite in space, show a cartoon movie and have a magic voice tell me when to turn. But they can’t get the suction cup to work.—Joe DeVito

Manhasset-Lakeville Fire District
Comedy Fundraiser
February 13, 7:30pm
Manhasset Fire Department, Manhasset
(516) 466-2022
Will feature Billy Bingo, Wyatt The One Man Riot, Steve Alleva and Kevin Seaman. Tickets: $20.

Eric Deskin
February 19, 9pm, February 20, 8 & 10:30pm
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://www.mcguirescomedyshows.com
Singer Celine Dion announced that she was attempting to become pregnant with her second child through in vitro fertilization and the implanting of a frozen embryo. Unfortunately, she was unable to conceive when, once implanted, the embryo remained frozen.—Eric Deskin

Kevin Downey Jr.
February 20, 7:30 & 10pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, govs.com
I was in a porn store. They had an inflatable doll. On the box it said, “feels like a real woman.” I’m pretty sure if you’re buying this doll, you’ve never felt a real woman.—Kevin Downey Jr.

Waterzooi Belgian Bistro
(516) 877-2177, Garden City
http://www.waterzooi.com
Behemoth selection of over 130 Lambics, Trappists, Saisons and more. Belgian
Beer Dinner every Monday night (3 course dinner paired with 3 beers) for only $35.

CANZ Restaurant & Bar
(516) 227-2269, Westbury
http://www.canzusa.com
French style green beans or whole kernel corn isn’t quite their definition of “canned goodz,” but we promise Porkslap Pale Ale (or any other from their canned brew
arsenal) is more nutritious than any vegetable.

Plattduetsche Park Restaurant and Bar
(516) 354-3131, Franklin Square
http://www.parkrestaurant.com
The biergarten is closed right now, but so what? Ever hear the term
“preseason?” It’s never too early to start preparing your liver for Cannstatter
Volksfest and Oktoberfest.

Fadeley’s Pub
(631) 758-8882, Patchogue
Look for the house with the neon beer signs in its windows. Seriously. Quirky pub/music venue with excellent beer that often flies under the radar in Patchogue. Don’t let it.
Elijah Churchill’s Public House
(631) 261-9678, Fort Salonga
http://www.elijahchurchills.com
Named after the first recipient of the Purple Heart Medal in American history. What better way to honor his legacy than by visiting for dinner and some drinks?

Southampton Publick House
(631) 283-2800, Southampton
http://www.publick.com
What else can be said about Southampton Ales and Lagers that hasn’t been said before? That’s right. Nothing. Wait. Let me try: If microbrewery restaurants also happened to moonlight as Transformers, then Southampton Publick House would be the almighty Optimus Prime. That works.

Dear Dr. Love,
I was married for 15 years when my wife left me for someone else (whom she never stayed with). I paid child support and college for two children, both now married with two kids each of their own. A few years later, I met “Patty” who I lived with for 12 years and had hoped to marry. It did not happen. On Sept. 16, 2008 she told me that she did not love me anymore. I moved out! My problem. I’m lonely. I need a woman to hold in my arms and to lovingly hold me in her arms. I’m 56, good looking, slim and a good dancer, yet for the last several months I can’t even get a “first date.” I need help!

Thanks,
Fred

Dear Fred;
Your letter reminds me of the joke about a man who comes home early from work to find his wife in the arms of his best friend. “What are you two doing?” he shouted. “See?” The woman told her lover…”I told you he was stupid and naive!”
In all candidness, your problem is not at all that unique, and I do empathize with you. After your 15-year marriage and subsequent 12-year live-in relationship, you have every right to feel lonely—very lonely. Heck, I was married for 30+ years, with four great sons, in a huge home with a pool and tennis court, and I just refused to see a break-up coming, I had it all, didn’t you?
But you and I (and most readers) have to understand that the only constant in our lives is change—some of it good, some of it not. But as humans, we have to accept it all (including stock market losses).
My advice to you is simple: Enjoy each beautiful day with joyous anticipation. Keep going to dances and have fun. Place less emphasis on the “hunt.” Where and when you lease expect it, your “new find” will come along. And you’ll never know until it “hits you.” Trust me.

Readers, what do you think? Send your comments and email me your questions to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). And until next month, Happy Dating!

There’s a story behind every restaurant. It’s often as interesting as the food it serves. That’s certainly true at the three-month-old Thai Station in East Rockaway, a cute, though plain, peewee of a place (18 seats) located unsurprisingly across the street from the railroad station. Thai Station is an immigrant saga of determination, guts, chance taking and the entrepreneurial sprit. It’s Kenny Chen’s story. The hard working Mr. Chen, who owns both the new Thai Station in East Rockaway and the slightly larger original in Merrick, arrived on these shores from China with a dream of opening his own restaurant. His drive and enthusiasm led to the opening of the Lemonleaf Thai restaurant in Carle Place, then another Lemonleaf in Hicksville and the very modest Pad Thai Chinese-Thai eatery in a dark, half empty Oakdale Shopping center, all of which were well received by restaurant critics and more importantly by diners.
He then sold the three successful spots to his cousin and brother, using the money to open the upscale Asian Shangri La in Garden City Park. Unfortunately, the area’s location and demographic weren’t suitable for a rather luxurious spot serving creative Asian fare. It failed, taking virtually all of Mr. Chen’s wealth with it. He was forced to work for a relative in the Chinatown construction business.
After two years of painting and hammering, Mr. Chen decided to roll the dice by mortgaging his home and return to his first love—restaurants—by opening the little Thai Station in Merrick. With Mr. Chen in the kitchen, it succeeded with the fooderati sufficiently enough to encourage him to open the tiny Thai Station II in East Rockaway. Situated where an Irish fish and chips spot had been, it’s a bare bones operation with a few strings of lights and food posters on the walls. Although it’s one of the Island’s smallest restaurants, it also offers one of its most ambitious menus with 26 appetizers, soups and salads, 51 entrées and three desserts. Most often voluminous, over ambitious menus aren’t a particularly good idea. Few, if any, kitchens can cope with so many dishes yet Chef Ah Dont, Mr. Chen’s nephew, does.
The familiar formula at East Rockaway’s Thai Station involves very tasty food, very inexpensive prices and zero décor to speak of. A recent dinner for six, comprised of six appetizers, six entrées, three desserts and two bottles of wine cost $171. While some dishes were better than others (the sesame chicken and chicken fried rice were ordinary, the drunken noodles and rama chicken were extraordinary), everything here is fresh and clean, portions are right and presentations are clear.
Appetizers don’t fill diners up prematurely. Delicately rendered mini spring rolls and crispy somosas, lettuce cups with chicken (first cousin to Chinese soong) and shrimp dumplings with tantalizing hints of garlic and ginger offer zing, crunch and cool. The steak salad and shrimp salad are almost too abundant for their plates, yet delicate as well.
Although the spicy chicken fried rice entrée isn’t spicy it is light going. More substantial versions of pure, authentic, Thai cooking (replete with Indian, Chinese, Japanese and Indonesian influences) were invigorating Thai pepper steak, dense and creamy Rama chicken with a velvety peanut sauce on a bed of spinach and succulent, perfectly cooked pattaya shrimp in a savory panang curry sauce.
Don’t discipline yourself anticipating dessert. There are only three predictable picks—mango with sticky rice, fried banana and three custardy ramekins of Thai coconut cake.

Circa is proving that it is possible to open a new restaurant in these trying times and succeed. This busy, newish, Mineola Italian trattoria is also proving that it doesn’t take a nuclear scientist to pull it off—just upscale atmosphere, downscale prices and familiar, recognizable dishes that often yield big, bold flavors.
Circa, owned by two veteran restaurateurs (Jerry Sbarro and Joseph DeLorenzo) with seasoned kitchen commander Mark Serrantino as executive chef, is a handsome place with a pleasant buzz about it. There’s a stone fireplace in the center of a comfortable room of banquettes, dark wood walls, leather chairs, bare tile floors, polished wood tables and woven brown placemats with a glass-enclosed wine room.
There’s nothing unusual on Circa’s extensive menu of familiar parmigiana, cacciatore, Francese, Milanese, Marsala, Bolognese and carbonara dishes. Fortunately, most of them are quite good. All four starters at a recent dinner delivered. The leek soup of the day ($7) was rich, thick and smooth; two good eggplant rollatini ricotta ($8.50) torpedoes yielded rustic, upfront flavor; the Circa salad ($9.50) of baby spinach, goat cheese, strawberries, hearts of palm and candied pecans in a warm bacon vinaigrette, was an ambitious success; and four strips of smoked duck breast on baby arugula with honey mustard aioli were tangy, tasty, though pricey ($13) treats. All of which were preceded by a diverse breadbasket featuring excellent warm focaccia and a crisp, thin-crusted pizza Margherita ($9.50).
Entrées batted .500. Aside from a zesty hunk of sausage penne, Circa was under seasoned and uninteresting, and chicken Milanese got almost all of its flavor from its salad plate mate. But tender mushroom-smothered veal Madeira and a fresh filet of sole Oreganato napped in a velvety lemon white wine, garlic sauce both scored. Though the fish’s accompanying gnocchi had a chalky texture.
The dinner concluded with a coffee dominated tiramisu, a lovely, silken crème brulee, Nutella biscotti or three long, hard chocolate cookies with almonds and dried cranberries, and an Amaretto mousse that tasted much more like a good, intense chocolate mousse than anything Amaretto.

As the puddles dry and we finally emerge from the dank and blustery purgatory on the island known as March and April, there may be no better way of entering the worthwhile part of spring than celebrating the season’s best month to its fullest. And there is more than ample opportunity on Long Island to commemorate May’s most noteworthy dates with great food, budding landscapes and of course ample wine & spirits.
Masterminded by Executive Chef Jeff Eustler from Bob’s Place Restaurant in Floral Park (516) 354-8185 are specials featuring local produce at price points that are sympathetic to the current state of the economy. These “small plate” items include Baby spinach salad with melted brie, toasted almonds, strawberries and cucumbers in a light pomegranate vinaigrette and Thai duck spring roll with hoisin marinated duck confit, ginger, carrots, scallions and Asian cucumber slaw with a ponzu dipping sauce.
Mother’s Day and Memorial Day highlight the early and the end of May, respectively. Bring mom to The Montauk Yacht Club in Montauk (631) 668-3100. Its 80-year history and picturesque landscape will impress her as much as The Gulf Coast Kitchen’s take on Montauk fare with a “southern coastal twist.” Pace’s Steakhouse (631) 321-9100 of Port Jefferson is a particularly nice fit for Memorial Day because of its Monday Lobster Clambake, which includes seven dishes for $37.95. If you’re busy barbequing on the holiday weekend, go to Pace’s for Wine Dine Thursday’s where all bottles of wine $150 and under are half price!
Finally, embrace the cultural cuisine of the Far East and our neighbors South of the Border, as May is also Asian Pacific Heritage Month and the celebration of Mexican Independence (Cinco de Mayo). Cooking demonstrations at Mumon Japanese Restaurant (516) 747-3388 of Garden City on May 4th and Loaves & Fishes Cookshop in Garden City (516) 877-1010 on May 2nd are two ways to dive headlong into May’s cultural flavor.

Spring is in the air and it’s time to shake away the winter blues. Sure the economy is in the dump and you need a reason to smile. Things are so bad that a hooker asked to borrow $100 until she could get back on her back. I’m taking my stimulus check and stimulating my funny bone at these comedy shows!

Long Island Comedy Festival
May 9, 8pm
The Comedy Club at Theatre Three, Port Jefferson
(631) 928-9100, http://longislandcomedyfestival.com
Will feature comics Paul Anthony, John Larocchia and Leighann Lord. Various other dates throughout the summer across the Island.

I hope we never go to war with China. I don’t think we really want to piss off the people who sew our clothes, cook our food and make our toys. We’ll end up naked and hungry, with nothing to play with. —Leighann Lord

Prostitution is legal in Amsterdam. That must make “Take Your Daughter to Work Day” really awkward. —Leighann Lord

Comedy, Dinner and Tequila Night
May 14, 9pm
Cabana in Long Beach
(516) 889-1345
Will feature comics Tony Landolfi and Thomas J. Kelly. Cost: $70, reservations strongly suggested.

I have a website I-hate-weddings.com. It’s not that I hate marriage; it’s just that I think a wedding is a really big party right before your buddy goes into the witness protection program. Because after that party you never see that dude again. —Thomas J. Kelly

New York women will tell you exactly what’s on their minds. You don’t even have to ask them. I walked up to this woman and she said to me, “Hey, I got a lot to do today. So you say what you got to say to me and get the hell out of my face!” And I’m just standing there like, “I just need to know if the garbage has to go out tonight honey.” —Tony Landolfi

Carol Montgomery
May 15, 9pm; May 16, 8&10:30pm
Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://www.brokeragecomedy.com

I was talking to my son about the facts of life and he was getting uncomfortable. I said “I know this is awkward, mommy talking to you about sex, I shouldn’t be the one talking to you, your father should. But he’s so excited you may be getting laid, he can’t speak.” —Carol Montgomery

With the busy lives we live, eating right, exercising and most of all drinking right can get complicated. I taste wine for a living. This doesn’t mean that I drink for a living. There are days I taste more than fifty wines in a few hours. If I didn’t “sniff, swirl and spit,” I’d have some real problems. As for drinking wine, I try to have a glass or two with every evening meal. Drinking too much can get in the way of being healthy. This is where a bit of flexibility is needed. Sometimes it is a matter of choosing a wine that gets better being opened a day or two, and other times it is a matter of having a smattering of half bottles around.
With the popularity of wine-by-the-glass programs at restaurants, half bottles have become a bit rare, but are very useful at home and at a restaurant. When dining with my wife, there are times that she abstains from wine and other times she prefers a white wine, while I a red. At most restaurants, this is easily remedied with the by-the-glass options, but those can get redundant. The downside is that most by-the-glass selections are very similar and “safe” choices—varieties that are common and prices that are easy to market to the masses. Also the mark-ups on by-the-glass wines are typically a bit higher than those on the list, because there are more expenses involved in pouring wines by the glass—waste, theft, storage and size of inventory.
Half bottles also offer the chance to try an unusual or special occasion wine, like a fine Bordeaux or Brunello di Montalcino. At home, half bottles are a convenient way to have a bit of wine and no waste, which is useful in this economy. Be careful about aging these wines—half bottles age faster than full bottles, so just don’t buy some and forget it. I recently drank a 2003 Altesino Brunello di Montalcino half-bottle and found the wine lovely with aromas of tobacco, leather, spice and softening tannins, and much more accessible than such a young Brunello would typically be from a full-sized bottle. Another time I brought a 1962 Chateau Cheval Blanc to dinner in which time had not been kind, yet a full bottle was amazing only a few years earlier.
Dessert wines are often good in the small bottle format. Since dessert wines come at the end of dinner, usually after other wines, so the smaller the container the better.  My favorite dessert wine experiences have all been from smaller bottles, such as Wittman Rieslaner (or any German dessert wine), Chateau d’Yquem and any Hungarian Tokaji (though the Tokaji are three-quarters of a bottle or 500 milliliters).
Other wines, while popular in half bottles, just seem silly to me.  Red Burgundy and fine Pinot Noir are more delicate and age quicker, but most importantly go down so nicely that a half bottle seems a tease—but that just shows my own weakness for great Pinot Noir.
Half-bottle selections can be hard to find, but possibly the combination of increased interest in wine, stricter DWI laws and the tough economy will create more of a market for small versions of great wines.

FAT BABY
112 Rivington Street, Lower East Side
http://fatbabynyc.com

Here’s another one of our famous upstairs/downstairs clubs. The upstairs at Fat Baby is an almost retro diner-meets-speakeasy atmosphere and the kind of place that may or may not let you light a cigarette after after hours. The downstairs, well, you could try the cigarette down there too between bands, which are typically loud and rocking…kind of like an old railroad car might be. The sound system’s not too great, but who cares? You’re in for the ride, baby.

LAKESIDE LOUNGE
162 Avenue B, Lower East Side
http://lakesidelounge.com

Sleepy by Lower East Side standards, Lakeside Lounge is a mellow rock-n-roll country bar that likes to stop time. There’s the working photo booth where you and your partner can saddle up with sunglasses, pucker your lips and freeze the night away. And there’s also the fact that the vibe seems to be literally stuck between times. On some nights, it’s one part 1975 and one part 1990. On other nights, it’s 2005 going on 1969. On all nights, however, there’s some semi-mellow (so as not to bother the neighbors) music in the back room with a few tables and chairs to gently pass the time away in an old-school kind of way.

ARLENE’S GROCERY
95 Stanton Street, Lower East Side
http://arlenesgrocery.net

With live music seven nights a week for as far back as I can remember, there’s a good chance that your starting musician neighbor, brother, cousin, friend or secret crush from Valley Stream to Montauk will play here in the coming months. And with what seems like a million bands a night, you’ll want to make sure you know what time he/she is playing. And with two bars—one in the room with the stage and one in the room without—you’ll want to have a little conversation before and after the show. And with Arlene’s being, in a way, the first real place a developing band will play in New York City, you may find a kind of electric energy in the room that reminds you those precious hours before the first date with someone really, really special.

I ain’t no Gary Vaynerchuk. I write and teach about wine, and I help restaurants with strategies for wine programs, but I have always been a poor self-promoter. I shouldn’t even be writing Gary’s name here—he gets enough ink, but he has used networking and Internet marketing in a manner that has revolutionized the wine industry (some might say ruined). I have been a slow learner but am trying to catch up.

As a Sommelier, I’ve observed business dinners where one person is the wine enthusiast and gets the list, and others where the choice is used as a test for some young Turk trying to move up the corporate ladder by showcasing his wine knowledge. Wine lists are full of opportunities and landmines, and I have observed customers deal with both.

As a wine voyeur, I pay attention to many things concerning wine. My wine auction observations have shown the Asian markets to be much livelier than in other parts of the world. In particular, the sales of Château Lafite Rothschild and Carruades de Lafite are outperforming their peers, especially in Asia. This Lafite phenomenon has been around since at least 2003, and many wine professionals have guesses as to why Lafite and not Latour or Mouton, or any other great Bordeaux are such hot commodities in China. One theory is Sommeliers would put a thumb over the Carruades de while pouring the wines in restaurants and the diner would pay Chateau Lafite prices. It’s certainly possible (also quite illegal and unethical) but not the entire story. The real story involves language and networking. Lafite is used to smooth business deals in China. The Lafite name sounds similar in Cantonese to Lai-fat, which means “come get rich.” So for a really big deal, they pull out a great vintage of Lafite and for a lesser deal, they will use a Carruades de Lafite.

My own networking and wine experiences have run the gamut, from meeting very famous people to business opportunities. c/o The Maidstone, a client, recently hosted the Hamptons International Film Festival and many bold-faced names were in attendance. I was able to get a ticket for my son, Cole, to attend the opening party to the festival and the closing movie. He met and had his picture taken with Pierce Brosnan and Alec Baldwin, and had a very prestigious pass to a Premier Screening of Heath Ledger’s last role in Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Both were big things for a teenager who dreams of becoming a screenwriter or film director someday. I am hoping this and other experiences will make him realize the importance of networking some thirty years earlier than I did. And even though he is currently not a fan of wine, I hope he learns to appreciate it, so when he is the “young Turk” at some dinner, his wine selection will move him up the ladder. In the meantime, I will continue to network my way through the wine world with my clients and future business ties.

As the year comes to a close one of the best ways to end it is sharing a night of laughter with good friends and family. You can enjoy a funfilled evening that includes dinner, a comedy show and a midnight champagne toast at most venues. I hope that 2010 brings you joy, happiness and lots of laughs.

Carl Labove
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, http://www.govs.com
The dumbest animal I’ve ever seen in my life has to be the wildebeests. Two thousand pounds, horns, hoof—lions run up and eat them like apples. And they just stand there and allow themselves to be eaten. You’re at home watching TV yelling, “Kick! Kick!”—Carl
Labove

Richie Byrne
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://www.brokeragecomedy.com

Maria Walsh, Jimmy Q
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://www.mcguirescomedyshows.com
I’m thinking if you’re gonna get a tattoo get one that will fit in later on in life, like a big juicy spider vein on your leg, maybe a stretch mark on your lower back. Guys—have your house number on your arm in case you forget how to get home. —Maria Walsh

Otto & George, Heather Height
Jokerz Wild Comedy Club, Plainview
(516) 830-1945, http://www.jokerzwildcomedyclub.com

Otto: So it’s good to be in New York. We’re actually from Jersey.
George: Yeah, New Jersey, where a fart is refreshing. Jersey is the only state where if someone farts in the car, they roll the windows up.”
I talked my husband into getting a vasectomy and then we got divorced. I felt bad at first but then I realized it’s a shame not to have them fixed before releasing them into the wild. —Heather Height

Here’s a sampling of boroughs west of LI to close out the old year and welcome in a new one. Cheers.

RADEGAST HALL AND BIERGARTEN
113 N. 3rd Street, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
http://www.radegasthall.com

The grueling months of winter in New York City don’t stand a chance against Radegast. If the Hungarian Goulash doesn’t warm you up, try a sampling of the fourteen drafts on tap or the dozens of bottles from the beer capitals of Europe. And if you’re still chilly (and conscious), Radegast often has some live funky music (like Bad Buka, for example) mostly of the ethnic and brass persuasions to fire up the coals of the soul and get you through whatever ails your cold, cold heart.

THE CREEK
10-93 Jackson Avenue, Long Island City, Queens
http://www.thecreekandthecave.com

Long Island City’s “The Creek” used to have “A Cave” attached to its name some time ago, but things certainly change. Away goes the psychedelic groove of the old and in comes a more straight up kind of fun gathering place. Who doesn’t like fun? Don’t expect much rock and roll on the calendar though. Even though it’s all about the comedy and theater at The Creek these days, there’s still the cool smell of hipness in the air, one that probably will hang around for a while.

THE CANAL ROOM
285 W. Broadway, Tribeca, Manhattan
http://www.canalroom.com.com

When I was on stage at The Canal Room the other night (many of you know I’m a performing songwriter too), I had an epiphany. Clubs don’t have to smell horrible and be run down to be cool. Sophistication can be sweet and, in some cases, well-deserved. We deserve a place like The Canal Room from time to time. Sure the drinks are overpriced and the aesthetic overly sleek. Yes, there are too many 80s cover bands that come through these doors, but what do we care? Sometimes, the world is a bright light spinning past your eye, a good DJ in your ear, and a dark room for you to discover. The rest you can worry about tomorrow.

As 2009 bids adieu, a new decade begins. And with it, a promise of dating joy and relationship happiness (or so we all like to think). Once again, this past year has given me the chance to learn from the many singles I met at my lectures to the many married-who-wish-they-were-single. There’s opportunity almost everywhere to make yourself (myself) a better person. Here’s a sample of what I mean:

1) When two individuals begin a relationship, you have much to learn—everything is new. As you get close in an emotional and/or physical way, one of the two will quickly become more vulnerable and unfortunately more susceptible to being hurt. Interestingly enough, age doesn’t matter much. This axiom holds true whether you are 17 or 70!

2) It’s a real challenge to find that innocent and yes, childlike, love the second time around. For most of us (at least me), the past holds memories of a simpler, more gentle time. Perhaps all the emotional baggage we bring with us as we age weighs down the scale of love. Do we really gain more wisdom from our past experiences? Sometimes I have to seriously wonder.

3) Many men and women in a relationship tend to compete rather than complement one another. Why? Just as in marriage, think of you and your significant other as members of the same team—there is no “I” in the word team. Therefore, think of the letter “T” to stand for Together. For 2010, I will continue to attempt to modify my Alpha-dog mentality with those women I meet. It’s a promise I made to myself. Maybe this year I’ll hold to it. We’ll see.

4) It’s not so easy to get a reality TV show on your schedule. Last year, I sent out a DVD pilot titled Hit The Road Jack highlighting my personal experiences after divorce. To date, only one cable network asked me to sign A Submission Agreement. I guess my Rock of Love fame may have to wait a little longer than I anticipated.

5) If he (or she) is really into you, that person will almost always pick up your phone call, be ready on time, text you right back or email you minutes later. Everything will be on an ASAP basis because YOU rock his/her world!

6) And finally, ladies in 2010, make a promise to yourself: STOP giving out your cell number to men unless you really want them to call you! It’s the number one complaint from men about women. And men, many women have a pet peeve about you too. DO NOT ask for a phone number unless you really plan to call her. Fair is fair!

To all my readers, may you have a healthy and happy New Year! Until next year, happy dating! Email your comments and questions to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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