When you spend over a week playing poker at the same casino, you’ll hear stories about recurring characters other players have run into. I spent three weeks at the Rio in Vegas and kept hearing stories about a crazy player named King Nine. The first few conversations I overheard at adjacent tables or while walking through the casino, so I didn’t catch what it was about him that everyone kept talking about. All I heard was, “King Nine came over the top with this hand…” or, “King Nine called my all in with…” I didn’t hear why they named him King Nine or why anyone would care about some random poker player making typical plays. But when I finally sat at a table with King Nine, he was anything but typical and royalty he was not.

I somehow didn’t notice the cardboard Burger King crown on his disheveled head when I sat two seats to his left at a $5-$10 no limit hold ‘em cash table. Or that he was wearing a studded collar around his neck attached to a leash draped across his lap. But when he let out three quick, chirpy barks like a yard-sh*tting Chihuahua, my attention snapped from stacking my chips and I stared at him. He bared his teeth at me like a pit bull protecting his food. Then he smiled. “I have a disorder; it’s similar to Tourette’s,” he said calmly.
“Bullshit,” I heard from across the table, “King Nine is bat-sh*t crazy, simple as that.”

King Nine growled. I was taken aback at first, but the rest of the table erupted in laughter. King Nine held up his middle finger, waved it at everyone and let out a menacing bark-growl-howl, more or less like a wolf.

I chuckled and relaxed in my chair as the dealer tossed out the cards. I was on the button and looked down at Ace-5 offsuit. I raised to $35. The little blind folded to King Nine in the big blind who looked down at his cards, then slowly back at me. “Grrrr,” he growled, “I re-grrrr-raise.” He carefully counted out the $35 in chips and placed a stack of $150 next to it, and slid them both out to the center of the table. Then he barked, high-pitched and snippy this time.

I laughed, looked back at my cards and folded. King Nine lifted his chin to the air and howled like a wolf, loud enough for everyone within ten tables to take notice.

King Nine continued his antics, though he was quiet when not in a hand, making me think it must be an act. A few rounds later, I was on the button and looked down at pocket Queens. I raised to $35 total. King Nine went into a loud, prolonged, raccoon-like growl-screech that made me cringe. He pushed out a raise to $150 total.

My first instinct was to go all-in, but I had position on him and if an Ace or King came on the flop, I could reassess where I was in the hand. I decided to smooth call. The flop came down—9, Jack, 9. King Nine squeaked like a stepped-on poodle and checked. I thought for a moment and bet $175, a little more than half the pot. King Nine barked at me. “Sorry,” he said, “I, grrrr, re-raise. All in.”

I went in the tank for a few minutes. King Nine suppressed his growls but I could hear them trying to escape from deep in his belly. “Ok,” I said, “I call.”

I turned over my Queens and he turned over King-9 for three of a kind. The turn was a blank and the river was a King, giving him a full house. King Nine howled like a wolf, loud enough for the entire poker room to hear him.

Kitchen A Trattoria
(631) 862-0151, St. James
***

Kitchen A Trattoria is perhaps Long Island’s most unlikely success story. Located at the end of a little hard-to-find strip shopping center that runs perpendicular to Route 25A, it goes unseen by most who pass by. Its 25-year-old chef, Eric Bolyard, never attended a culinary school and brings scant experience to his present post. He worked a few months at the long defunct Collage in Huntington and then was thrust into the sous chef spot for three years at Kitchen A Bistro where Kitchen A Trattoria is now. His boss, Eric Lomando owns both. This BYOB, no credit card, cramped spot still has uneven floors, no place for waiting and an open kitchen that puts chefs almost in the laps of diners. Yet it is one of the few Island restaurants that provides more than it promises. Since its opening about nine months ago, it has deservedly received raves from critics and diners alike. Patrons more interested in good food and wine than elegant surroundings have given it the same enthusiastic reception they did its predecessor.

Although Kitchen A Trattoria bills itself as “rustic Italian” and some of the dishes do fall into that category (nearly all the pastas, assorted salumi and braised rabbit leg), this is no pizza and pasta joint. An appetizer of black figs, pancetta, goat cheese and strands of pistachio bread is more refined than rustic, as are grilled octopus with marinated chick peas, roast quail stuffed with braised duck and fig agrodolce (a sweet and sour compote), and olive oil poached white tuna with a roast garlic-white bean purée. Nor is an extra virgin olive oil cake escorted by candied orange slices, a dessert you’re likely to find at a typical neighborhood Italian eatery.

The easy-to-take tab for all this fare makes Kitchen A Trattoria even more of a find. All pastas are $12, entrées go for $17, six of seven sweets are priced at $6, three pre-entrée nibbles (ricotta, olives and tapenade) go for $4, and some bountiful portions of antipasti are listed at $9 and $11.

Peasanty, crusty bread that’s quickly replenished greets diners. The olive oil is in an order of assorted olives was ideal for dipping that bread. That black fig, pancetta, goat cheese, pistachio bread starter offers welcome taste and textural contrast while a hefty portion of baked penne paita with buffalo mozzarella yielded a robust flavor punch. Less encountered torchio pasta with local corn, mushrooms and shrimp in a shellfish sauce was even better. A special of flaky, lightly battered zucchini blossoms, stuffed with corn and gorgonzola nearly floated off the plate.

Entrées to remember: The soft, plump seared sea scallops; the juicy braised rabbit leg with shitake mushrooms boasting nutmeg and rosemary notes; and that roast quail stuffed with a satisfying meld of braised duck and fig agrodolce. The tasty but tiny seared lamb porterhouse is but a spear-carrier in a dish that’s dominated by unmentioned spicy lamb sausages. Its accompanying heirloom tomatoes and eggplant as well as most of the other vegetables here were home grown in a garden behind Kitchen A Trattoria.

For dessert, skip the unexciting ricotta cheesecake and head for the mellow, delicious rhubarb and strawberry croustade and that moist, soaked extra virgin olive oil cake with sweet oranges.

Service too was sweet (and informed) but it would be better if the waitress, who takes the order, delivers it rather than that job being given to a second one, who doesn’t know where to put the plates.

Brasserie Coquille
(516) 365-8422, Manhasset
**

Hybrids are hot, not just in the automotive realm where Toyota, Honda and Ford gas-electric cars are getting 30, 40 and 50 miles to the gallon, but in the restaurant world as well. While most restaurant hybrids are among the fast growing Asian contingent with their Asian Fusion, Pan Asian, modern Asian cuisine, Japanese-Chinese and Thai-Sushi spots, Manhasset’s Brasserie Coquille is in this category too. Located in a former hair salon, next to the upscale, 40-year-old La Coquille, it’s a lower priced alternative probably spawned by the current recession.

This neat little nook is a culinary and economic hybrid. While its menu lists a number of brasserie standbys like steak frites, pâté, goat cheese tarte and burgers, more than half the dishes here are Italian, Japanese, Latino and American. Don’t expect to find classics like skate, bouillabaisse, roasted chicken, fish soup or cassoulet.

Although no entrée or appetizer (they’re not designated separately on the menu) tops the $22 mark, diners who order wines or desserts will be paying La Coquille prices for them. (The lowest priced bottle of wine costs $30). Neither is on the more modest Brasserie menu.

Traditional brasseries are informal beer centered cafes and the tiny Brasserie Coquille, with its long bar, fireplace and cozy back room is indeed an informal café, yet it serves the same beer that’s offered in La Coquille. With fewer than ten brews, it’s not beer centered.

It’s natural when in a French eating place to order French dishes, therefore we began our meal with Gruyère gourges ($8), eight tasty toasted, melted cheese rounds (if you like grilled cheese sandwiches you’ll like this), the respectable goat cheese tarte ($10) sporting ripe summery cherry tomatoes, crisp, greaseless commendable French fries ($6) with a savory aioli dip and that Bistro burger fromage ($9) cut four ways as a slider-like starter. The burger itself was a juicy, nicely crusted treat that would’ve been even better with a customized–rather than a mass produced–commercial bakery roll and more interesting cheese.

Entrées sampled included grilled wild King salmon ($19.69) from La Coquille’s 40th anniversary specials that was fresh, firm and fine and a beefsteak au poivre ($19.69) from that same menu. Unfortunately, the often-encountered chewy skirt steak, without even one of its promised peppercorns, did not have enough sauce (if any) to tell if it was the listed brandy concoction.  A sprawling, generous portion of pork Milanese, Reggiano ($14) topped with Mesclun and dressed with mango vinaigrette, our only Italian choice, was gently breaded and nicely seasoned. Three seared scallops for $22 were our only overpriced pick. The scallops (what there was of them) were lightly cooked, brown topped beauties but their sautéed spinach accompaniment lacked seasoning.

Sweets sampled were a passable, but not memorable floating Island, a concentrated, intense chocolate mousse with a squiggle of welcome whipped cream, and an above average Napoleon enhanced by its crème fraîche sauce.

We’re exploring healthy and casual eats this month, as well as New Year’s Eve revelry and a top-shelf spread for charity.

Bob’s Place in Floral Park (516) 354-8185, which specializes in New American cuisine, is holding a monthly Chef’s Table event. A multicourse meal will be prepared with wine pairings: The chef will provide commentary about the salient points of each culinary element and the resident sommelier will speak about the wine pairings. A percentage of the $50-$75 cost will go to local non-profit organizations. Evenings will begin at 6:30pm and reservations are required.

Gluten-free cooking, a necessity for those with celiac disease, a disorder of the small intestine, is gaining a higher and higher profile in the culinary universe. In fact, Pulse contributor Peter Bronski, who has the disease, and his wife Kelli, have recently published the book Artisanal Gluten-Free Cooking, which is sure to be an indispensible guide for the creation of tasty meals that won’t aggravate the disease. If you prefer to dine out gluten-free, La Bottega (516) 486-0935, which has 11 restaurants across LI (including the original in Garden City South) is a flagship eatery. They offer a variety of soups, risottos and pastas gluten free, for only $2.50 in addition to the price of the dish.

The enjoyment of good food doesn’t necessarily have to be accompanied by fancy appointments and white glove service. Two LI eateries are going casual without sacrificing quality. The successful Tava Restaurant and Bar in Port Washington (516) 767-3400, specializing in top Turkish cuisine is branching out with the opening of the more casual Tava Burger. Comfort food du jour will be available, including angus beef burgers, fries, wraps, salads and shakes. Speaking of comfort food, those with a sweet tooth should check out The Cupcake Corner in Garden City (516) 328-CAKE. They have the standard vanilla and chocolate-flavored cupcakes but also feature cotton candy, rainbow cookie, and other atypical flavors. As a bonus, they offer gluten-free menu options, beverages and much more.

Finally, while Christmas is traditionally enjoyed with family at home and around the dinner table, New Year’s Eve is party time and the Inn at East Wind in Wading River (631) 929-6585 is hosting one serious shindig. It all takes place with dinner, dancing and a live Times Square NYE simulcast in the Grand Ballroom from 8pm-1am. The bar will be open all night and there will be a variety of buffets including Italian dishes, roast NY Sirloin with all the trimmings, dessert and much more. The cost is $100 a person.

Dear Dr. Love,

What do you do when your date is going terribly wrong? I met someone online who was polite and easy to talk with. He lives in Connecticut and I live on Long Island so we agreed to meet at a bar in NYC. I arrived on time, but he arrived an hour late (though he did call). He was completely disheveled and appeared distracted. He said he was a landlord and had to collect some checks (at 10pm?). The chemistry evaporated, and I felt a bit led-on and rejected. What caused him to change?

Amy, Seacliff

Dear Amy,

There’s a key word that underlies the dating lifestyle. That word is value. The primary consideration for anyone in the dating fraternity is that they know how to value another person. Whether you’re looking for the “one” or just for a good time, it’s critical that you know how to make that person on the other end of the encounter feel better about him or herself at the end of the encounter. That doesn’t mean that you gush over everyone you meet or tell every date that you’ve fallen in love with them. It does mean follow the golden rule. Treat the date as you would want to be treated. Aimee, had the landlord done that, he wouldn’t have been late, distracted and disheveled, wouldn’t have scheduled another appointment during the time that should have been yours and would have been forthright about his behavior. Unfortunately there are a few in the dating universe who are so self-centered, egotistical or narcissistic that they misread the “golden rule” as “do unto me as I would want…you don’t count.” When you meet these people and get the sense of their essence, get up, thank them for their time and leave…quickly.

NASSAU

Canterbury’s Oyster Bar & Grill
(516) 922-3614, Oyster Bay
http://ww.canterburyalesrestaurant.com
Although the Oyster Bay location differs from the Canterbury Ales of Huntington (more family bistro, less pub), not to worry—with over ninety bottled selections, the Brew River still flows plentifully into the Bay.

Brews Brothers Grille
(516) 216-5008, Franklin Square
http://www.brewsbrothersgrille.com
Did you begin to read this and expect some mention of Jake and Elwood? Shame on your cliché mind. Pick one of BBG’s twenty taps—Paulaner, preferably—and buy the next round. You owe us. 

Bad Moon Saloon
(516) 867-9061, Merrick
http://www.badmoonsaloon.com
Friday/Saturday “Power Hour” from 8:30pm-9:30pm, with the entire bar (minus drafts) at $3.75. If you weren’t a fan of blues and rock music before, now would be a good time to start.

SUFFOLK

The Bench Bar & Grill
(631) 675-1474, Stony Brook
http://www.thebenchbar.com
Forget the tailgating-induced frostbite and root for your favorite New York football team—even if it happens to be the Jets—from the comfort of the bench. Monday Night Football pitcher specials.

Katie’s
(631) 360-8556, Smithtown
http://www.katiesofsmithtown.com
Featured on an episode of A&E’s Paranormal State, Katie’s is thought to be haunted by the spirit of a prohibition-era bartender named Charlie. We rarely condone ghost-related activity, but Katie’s does offer a foosball table, so we don’t blame him for sticking around.

Once & For All Cafe
(631) 447-0519, Patchogue
http://www.onceandforallcafe.com
Diverse selection of brew—bottled, draught and cask. Yes, we said cask conditioned ales. Attention beer enthusiasts: they mean business.

I barely hung on as I got deep into a 200-dollar buy-in tournament. I literally folded every hand since the start. I didn’t win a single hand but I didn’t play any either, so my stack was seeping away slowly. I didn’t see two cards over ten at the same time. The closest thing to a good hand I’d had all night was Jack-9 offsuit.

Even when I was in the big blind, I didn’t get to see a flop. The guy two seats to my right, who was always on the button when I was in the big blind, raised every single chance he had. We called him Tallboy because he always stacked his chips higher than he should have in a tall, wobbly, single tower. Most of us who had played with him often threatened to destroy his tower, either by winning it or knocking it over.

I had two and a half big blinds left when Tallboy raised on the button again. I looked down at 2-3 offsuit. Given that I barely had any chips left, I should have called, but I held up the cards so everyone could see then tossed them in the muck. “What can you do?” Tallboy consoled.

“I can push your chips over,” I joked and Tallboy laughed.

The next hand, I was in the little blind and looked down at 2-3, again, this time it was suited. I contemplated just giving up, tossing my chips in and taking my chances but someone in early position raised, and Tallboy reraised, so I folded knowing I had exactly one big blind left.

“What can you do?”

I had seven hands before my big blind came around and I would be forced all-in. I was ready to push with any sort of hand. A baby Ace or a small pair would have seemed like a monster. I would have settled for anything better than the 2-5, 6-3, 9-2 that I’d been seeing so far. Instead it was more of the same, but worse. I didn’t see two cards over five at the same time.

I was under the gun, with my big blind coming the next hand that would force me to put in the rest of my chips when I looked down at 9-5 offsuit. At least I had a nine, a relatively high card for this night. But I had to think if the 9-5 was better than what I was likely to get on the next hand. Of course it wasn’t so I folded, knowing that I’d be all-in on the next hand no matter what. Turns out, I should have played the 9-5 because the flop came down 9, 5, 5, but what can you do?

I put out the remainder of my chips the next hand to cover my big blind. I didn’t bother looking at my cards. Everyone folded to Tallboy who matched my blind with just a few chips off the tower he had in front of him. I turned my cards over—Pocket Queens. Finally, an actual hand worth playing. Too bad I didn’t have many chips.

Tallboy turned over Ace-9 and the dealer dropped the flop—Ace, King, 2. Neither the turn nor the river gave me any help and Tallboy plopped my chips onto the top of his tower. “What can you do?” he offered with a shrug. I shrugged back and knocked over his tower of chips on my way to the door.

This month’s column focuses on the land in between places—Queens. Sometimes overshadowed by Brooklyn’s beauty and hipness, Queens has its share of offerings for our jaunts westward.

Bohemian Hall and Beer Garden
29-19 24th Avenue, Astoria
http://www.bohemianhall.com

Though the garden’s outdoor umbrellas sport the typical corporate endorsements, the conversations at this popular Astoria hang lean toward the…well…bohemian. And because the Czech and Slovak Benevolent Society have owned it for the past 100 years, expect delicious imports and a healthy share of klobasa. During the colder months, the garden (and its myriad of jazzy/gypsy/bluesy musical acts) is open on a “weather permitting” basis. With what seems like a million park tables, endless taps, and animated personas decorating the place, the Bohemian Hall and Beer Garden’s three-ring circus is, perhaps, beer’s greatest show on earth—or at least New York City.

Lic Bar
4558 Vernon Boulevard, Long Island City
http://www.longislandcitybar.com

We reap the benefits of Music Event Coordinator Gustavo Rodriguez’s hard work. He has done an excellent job as curator of the entertainment at this turn-of-the-century saloon replete with original wooden bar counter, brick walls and what looks like an ornately designed ceiling made of tin. This place is the real deal. It’s got cool amber hues, a castle door connecting the garden to the street, gorgeous weeping willows hanging around, and good vibes swirling about. It’s also got Richard Julian, one of the city’s best songwriters, every Monday in November.

The Diving Bell
45-15 Queens Boulevard, Sunnyside
http://www.divingbellnyc.com

What I liked about The Diving Bell—which is tucked snugly underneath the El train in burgeoning Sunnyside—is its relaxed, blue collar, everyman atmosphere. You’ll find laptops, office parties, Monday Night Football enthusiasts, songwriters, artists and everything in between. You’ll also find friendly bartenders and live music Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. The weekends are reserved for the ubiquitous cover bands that we’re used to east of Sunnyside, but Thursdays highlight up-and-coming original artists in the area and beyond.

BURTON & DOYLE
(516) 487-9200 East Great Neck
* * *

Burton & Doyle is a new-old, modern-traditional, conventional-cutting edge steakhouse. Although this Great Neck destination restaurant has been around for a number of years, it has new owners, a newish chef and a menu dotted with European and Asian spins and twists. Yet, it still offers all the expected steakhouse favorites including porterhouse ($42), rib eye ($46), sirloin ($43) and filet mignon ($42) steaks (not to mention Wagyu cuts priced from $85 to $160 each) plus shrimp cocktail, creamed spinach, whipped potatoes, Caesar salad, crab cake, onion rings, French fries, etc. But diners will also find an extensive array of sushi, sashimi, rolls and specialty rolls.

The menu also offers dishes like an appetizer of calamari Thai style and another of potato gnocchi. Among the recent daily specials were chorizo sausage with red bell pepper, shrimp risotto and a black trumpet mushroom and Brussels sprout ragout.

And how many American steakhouses employ accomplished French chefs? Burton and Doyle does. Yet, inside, Burton and Doyle retains a reassuring milieu. Its masculine, dark wood interior with beamed ceilings, massive pillars, candles, leather banquettes, subdued lighting and a scattering of jumbo-sized wine bottles continue to signal to steakhouse aficionados that this is the kind of place they were looking for.

Old line steakhouses are also pricey and noisy. While Burton and Doyle is both, nearly every dish is on target. Its huge minerally prime steaks are juicy, tender treats. A green grocer-fresh watercress salad, studded with pecans, pears and Gorgonzola makes for an exemplary starter. So does an accurately named lump crab cake. Perhaps best of all was a pretty-as-a-picture presentation of tuna carpaccio, enhanced with a red, black and green panorama of cherry tomatoes, Calamata olives and micro wasabi greens. Nor should all those nice fresh sushi, sashimi and roll possibilities be neglected.

Diners who decide to pass on the red meat, but still want a hearty entrée, will be well satisfied with the generous portion of soft, sensitively-seasoned roast rack of lamb while those who want something lighter can opt for the Branzino, a flaky, white fish escorted by tiny Manila clams, potatoes, cherry tomatoes and Calamata olives.

The four predictable desserts at meal’s end were a rich, creamy cheesecake, a crisp crusted crème brûlée, a sweet rather than tangy key lime tart and a warm, runny volcano-style chocolate cake.

Service at Burton and Doyle is always concerned and affable but not always swift and polished. Breadbaskets aren’t always replenished or replaced. On busy nights, there are some gaps between courses and patrons often have to order wine by its number rather than its name.

PORTO VIVO
(631) 385-8486 Huntington
* * * ½

Huntington is a hot restaurant village. Diverse, excellent, eating places of all stripes, nationalities and price ranges dot nearly every block. It seems as though the last thing the village needed was yet another one. But there’s always room for a restaurant as ravishing, interesting and well-run as the two-and-a-half-month-old Porto Vivo. This stylish, sophisticated, though noisy, Italian spot that replaced the Gerard Street Antiques store is a modern three-story affair (60 diners downstairs and 60 upstairs with a slick lounge in between) of soaring, beamed ceilings, bare floors, high windows, a wine cellar tasting room, wrought iron light fixtures and plenty of bricks and glass. A huge bouquet sits at the center of the room, glass lines the staircases and there’s a fireplace in the attic-like upstairs dining room (even the bathrooms are pretty.) Servers wear the obligatory black in this hip milieu.

The team at the top of this enterprise is equally impressive. Owned by Joy Mangano of The Home Shopping Network and more importantly Philipp Seipelt, a classically trained Swiss restaurateur. Steven J. Lecchi, a veteran CIA trained executive chef who has seen previous service at big name American and Italian restaurants, is the kitchen commander.

Dinner begins with sensational crusty peasant bread and an incredibly skimpy patty of butter (for four people). We sampled one tiny antipasti, a pleasant, refreshing tangle of grilled marinated eggplant and three appetizers: Big, pillow-like seared sea scallops; feathery light goat cheese and ricotta gnocchi in a hearty Bolognese meat sauce; and best of all an airy, delicious fresh salad studded with small log shaped pieces of grilled Spanish octopus.

A recommended colossal portion of soft, moist, fork-tender osso buco is the Saturday special of the day. A tasty, though pricey ($36), mix of lobster and shrimp ravioli isn’t the usual pasta packet but an open brown-buttered version containing chestnuts, pancetta, mushrooms and squash in a vanilla lobster sauce. A crispy, full-flavored Long Island duck lived up to its name. Accompanied by vibrantly-seasoned red Swiss chard, this generous-portioned bird offered fanned out slices of breast with a leg and thigh. Grilled Branzino didn’t fare as well. Although hot plates are generally a good way of keeping food at proper temperature, they continue to cook thin fish resulting in a dryish overcooked dish.

Desserts and service were a mixed to good bag. The house made sweets were a gossamer, first-class, deeply flavored chocolate soufflé, a standard ricotta cheese cake, a Sundae-like tiramisu and an apple-almond tart of nice, ripe fruit but rubbery, difficult to penetrate crust.

Servers are informed and concerned but didn’t always serve dishes to the diners who ordered them and made a dessert substitution without first informing the patron who ordered it that his original choice was unavailable.

November is a big month for LI dining. A veritable smorgasbord of specials and unique culinary offerings are on hand, and the month is starting off with a bang.

Long Island Restaurant Week (http://www.longislandrestaurantweek.com), returns for the fourth time November 1-8. This is an LI foodie’s gold mine. Fifty-seven diverse restaurants from Nassau County to the East End will be having a $24.95 three-course prix fixe every day except after 7pm on Saturday. But the rest of the month is no slouch.

Nothing beats a voluptuous steak on a chilly fall evening for discerning carnivores. Mac’s Steakhouse in Huntington (631) 549-5300 is all about dry aging their cuts of beef, which creates an exceedingly tender and flavorful steak. In addition to the Porterhouse and Ribeye, the New York Strip Steak is available aged 30 days for $42 and 60 days for $49.

One of the great things about Long Island cuisine is its diversity in price points. The Bellport in Bellport (631) 286-7550 is having a “Monday Evening Recession Special,” which features 3 courses of their American cuisine for $19 from 5:30-9pm Monday evening. On the other end of the scale, Stonewalls Restaurant in Riverhead (631) 506-0777 is having an $80 five-course dinner on November 13 starting at 6:30pm. It will feature smoked eel and duck rilettes for an appetizer and such sumptuous dinner choices as wild Pacific salmon genevoise and medallion of venison Grand-Veneur.

After all that evening partying, check out Thyme Restaurant & Café Bar in Roslyn (516) 625-2566 for the $15 Sunday brunch. All of the classics will be on hand, including Mimosas, Bloody Marys, steak and eggs, jumbo lump crabcakes and more.

Finally let’s face it; hosting a Thanksgiving Day celebration is a lot of work. Maybe this year, let WAVE Restaurant at Danfords in Port Jefferson (631) 928-5200, ext. 176 do it for you. In addition to the turkey and trimmings, they are offering beef bourguignonne and roasted New England cod. The cost is $39.95 and for children under 12, $19.95. Reservations are a must.

Food is a passion. It’s an art. It’s our connection to a feeling that everything is going to be all right. Nothing satisfies like a good meal. Nothing makes a moment like a uniquely prepared dish that nourishes all the senses. There are some people who know this. But there are only a rare few who make it their religion. The chefs and restaurateurs on the following pages are naturally so good, so tireless, so inventive there seems to be no limit to what they can do. They’ve served us some of our greatest meals, hosted our most special occasions, been there like good friends whenever we’ve needed rescue from our hectic lives. It’s time they took a bow.

Caterer & Restaurateur Extraordinaire Steve Carl
Carlyle on the Green
Bethpage State Park, Farmingdale
(516) 501-9700, http://www.carlyleonthegreen.net

Steve Carl has been at the helm of Carlyle on the Green for eleven years, and at the forefront of the catering business for over two decades. Carlyle is not only a dream location at which hundreds of brides set their weddings every year, it is also the spot for Long Island’s most important corporate, community, fundraising and social affairs.
“Treat your clients like gold…Don’t sweep anything under the rug,” are two of the credos that have kept the Carlyle operation at the vanguard of this business. Steve’s attention to every detail, his keen sense of the extraordinary and his personal style and flair are the others. But his enthusiasm for great catering doesn’t end there.
In 2006, Trump on the Ocean, his partnership with Donald Trump was announced, and that project continues in its development. Last month, Steve announced his acquisition of Race Palace (Plainview). His plans for the storied venue are vast, and will no doubt catapult it to the same heights as his previous endeavors, “Race Palace is a diamond in the rough,” he said, “The sports and racing upstairs are one set of attributes. The expansive dining area, kitchen and endless possibilities downstairs are another. Our experience operating Carlyle at a premier golf facility allows us to bring a level of sophistication to this exciting landmark.”
The most remarkable thing about Steve is that he is an all-around Mr. Niceguy. He is hardworking, enterprising and inexhaustible in his ambitions, but he considers his children his greatest successes.

Chic Italian Nouveau
Jonathan’s Ristorante
15 Wall Street, Huntington
(631) 549-0055, http://www.jonathansristorante.com

It takes a lot to be world-class: First-rate training, international experience and steady, consistent expectation of excellence. The dynamic duo of owner Roberto Ornato and chef Tito Onofre delivers this and so much more daily—they won’t settle for less. Italian-import Ornato cut his teeth at Manhattan’s famed Cipriani and brings this level of sophisticated dining to his casual, warm and friendly Mediterranean inspired restaurant. Chef Onofre traversed dining culture of his native Peru, South Beach (Fl), SoHo and The Hamptons where he wowed some of the world’s most discerning restaurant goers by fusing local inspirations with his own palette.
Jonathan’s doesn’t disappoint. Every time you order the pumpkin ravioli, mushroom risotto, orecchiette or fritto di carciofini (sautéed baby artichokes), all of which make regular appearances on the menu, you can expect the delectable preparation you experienced on your previous visit.
The bar is a marble topped mahogany affair that has a sense of being set off from the dining room thanks to some strategically placed mahogany pillars. The wine list is par excellence—it suits the venue as much as the food. Meeting friends for drinks at the bar is a perfect introduction to an evening at Jonathan’s.
Jonathan’s is a perfect backdrop for business lunches or dinner with friends. The ristorante is the hallmark of grace and style, serving some of Long Island’s best Italian cuisine in a relaxed, but elegant, atmosphere.

Traditional American, Global Inspiration
Bob’s Place Restaurant
230 Jericho Tpke, Floral Park
(516) 354-8185, http://www.bobsplacerestaurant.com

Bob’s Place has a reputation for being one of the finest restaurants in Nassau County, offering its customers extraordinary food at a reasonable price. The restaurant pulls all the stops in presenting a distinctive, unpredictable dining experience—each entrée is served on a uniquely styled plate, no two plates at one table are the same, and seasonal elements are always part of the tablescape.
Bob Manning bought the restaurant in 1989, when it was the famed Gebhardt’s. Although he thought the original name and culinary concept still had value, he added “New American” to the menu to match the broadening of the locale’s original German influences. In 2007, he changed the name of the restaurant to Bob’s Place to fit its familiar, casual and chic feeling.
Bob’s Place changes its menu four times a year to coincide with the change of seasons. Presently, the fall menu includes newer items such as crabmeat Napoleon, broiled tilapia filet, braised pork Osso Bucco and customer favorites such as the soup of the day, four way tuna sashimi, grilled marinated skirt steak, roasted garlic crusted lamb rack and blackened chicken breast.
Bob’s Place has also begun to feature a monthly Chef’s Table event, in which Executive Chef Jeff Eutsler will prepare an elegant seasonal dinner, pairing courses with wines selected just for the evening. Chef will be on hand to share some of his secrets in preparing the menu items and Bob’s Place General Manager Gabriel Moroianu, a certified sommelier, will explain the wine pairings.

Executive Chef Steven Lecchi
Porto Vivo
7 Gerard St, Huntington
(631) 385-8486, http://www.porto-vivo.com

Steven J. Lecchi’s passion for food was cultivated at a very young age. Growing up in a traditional Italian family, he spent many hours in the kitchen creating fresh pasta with his mother and grandmother. Upon graduating from the Culinary Institute of America in New York, Lecchi secured his first position in the kitchen of the famed Lespinasse St. Regis Hotel under notable chef Gray Kunz.
After deepening his culinary skills at this four star Manhattan toque, he headed to the tony Hamptons, landing at Southampton’s Basilico. Following this, he returned to his roots and spent six years in Europe exploring authentic Italian fare and cooking at several notable Italian restaurants in the Emilia Romagna and Tuscany regions. In 2006, Lecchi returned to the United States flush with Italian cultural and culinary experiences and was hired as a private chef for celebrity couple and musical icons, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. During his tenure as chef to the stars, he traveled, cooked on video sets, presented meals to numerous celebrities and gained much experience perfecting his skills for a high profile family.
In early 2009, Lecchi was hired to open Huntington’s newest hot spot, Porto Vivo.  Lecchi’s vision at Porto Vivo is to present an incomparable dining experience. He has created a rustic Italian menu with emphasis on quality and freshness. From the fresh pastas such as handrolled goat cheese and ricotta gnocchi to the certified angus prime dry aged steaks, the menu is both inventive and appetizing. Lecchi’s culinary experience and dedication to cuisine shine through at Porto Vivo, landing the new hot spot among the best on Long Island.

Mike Eagan, Tim Gage, Rob White
November 6-7, 9pm
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://www.mcguirescomedyshows.com

The nuns who taught me use to say, “Children, there are no stupid questions, the only stupid thing you can do is not ask a question.”
“Sister, sister why didn’t Jesus lie? Then he would have lived,” I said.
Four hours in a utility closet for that question. –Tim Gage

John Pinette
November 27, 10:30pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, http://www.govs.com

With Chinese food, you get hungry again. Why is that? It’s a different kind of hunger. You go from food to starving with nothing in between. You say, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I ate all that chow mein. Hey, look! They brought egg rolls! –John Pinette

Matt Burke
November 28
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://www.brokeragecomedy.com

Change and hope? That’s enough to sucker the public in an election? You wouldn’t tolerate that kind of talk from an appliance salesman. “Hey, that washing machine you sold me last week broke!” “Well, I ‘hope’ that ‘changes’.”–Matt Burke

Proud Hearts Fundraiser
November 28, 7:30pm
The Comedy Loft, Westhampton
http://www.proudhearts.org
A benefit for this organization that supports those in the military and their families. Starring Nick Cobb, John Larocchia, Rob White, Vicky Kuperman, Tim Thompson, Marcus with host Rob Cioffi. Tickets: $10 in advance, $15 at the door.

I just don’t understand women. I never know what they want. They cry with the duct tape on, they scream when it comes off. MAKE UP YOUR MIND! –Tim Thompson

I finally got a carbon monoxide detector. These things are really annoying. All it does is beep and beep, and the beeping makes me dizzy and nauseous. I thought about leaving my house but the unicorn in the kitchen said it’s ok and I should just make him a sandwich and then take a nap. –Tim Thompson

Most Expensive

The Best
Nello Summertimes
(631) 287-5500 Southampton

Hey, big spender, do I have a restaurant for you! Diners looking for luxury at whatever price, including expense account types, celebrities, celebrity wanabees and those in search of glamour and prestige have made Nello Summertimes in Southampton, with its striking outdoor patio, indoor dancing and hot, late night Euro Club scene, the coolest place in the Hamptons.

It’s also the priciest there or almost anywhere. Checks at the original Nello on Madison Avenue in Manhattan, according to the Zagat Survey, average $79 for dinners with one drink and tip. While that price is a wee bit more than a happy meal at McDonald’s would cost, the tab in Southampton dwarfs it with a listing of $109.

Yet there probably isn’t a better place around for impressing a client, closing a big deal, amazing out of town visitors or dazzling a date than Nello Summertimes in a beautifully redecorated 17th Century Inn where the Post House had been. It’s open on weekends after Labor Day and before mid-April except during January and February.

Its Northern Italian pastas, elaborate salads and stylish entrées range from often sublime to sometimes disappointing while its waitstaff varies from sharp to spacey. Yet the Upper East Siders, familiar with the Madison Avenue spot, have made its outdoor brick patio and regal dining room their summertime headquarters while Hamptonites who want to see and be seen flock to this stunningly situated spot year round.

The cost of dining or drinking at a restaurant with such awesome atmospherics is reflected in alcoholic drinks, gin and tonics and cranberry-vodka concoctions go for $21 a pop (reduced from a pre-recession high of $27), in its uniformly excellent house made pastas, most in the $35 to $40 range and in bottles of wine where the cheapest was $70 when I visited (a coke was $7.50)

Nellos Summertimes’ prices and prestige are part of a large and largely predictable trend: Long Island’s priciest restaurants are (1) on the East End and (2) branches of fashionable Manhattan eating places. Nello Summertimes is both as is Sant Ambroeus in Southampton. Still other high flyers like Il Mulino and Limani in Roslyn also have their roots in Manhattan. (Steakhouses are also among the priciest picks).

Runners Up

Maroni Cuisine
(631) 757-4500 Northport

The only Long Island restaurant among the three with top-of-the-line tabs that’s homegrown is the modest Maroni Cuisine of Northport, an eclectic cash only spot that serves a memorable, though expensive, 15 to 25 mini-course tasting lunch ($85), weekday dinner ($110) and Friday and Saturday dinner ($115) early seating, ($125) late seating. Those prices include wine, beer, dessert and coffee but not tax and tip. Although patrons can order á la carte dishes on weekdays and in an outdoor courtyard at all times, the tasting meal is the way to go here.

Maroni Cuisine has gone from a tiny, mainly take-out spot with eight or ten seats to a destination restaurant with outdoor dining and a private party room. From a place that relied on its take-out counter for 75% of its business to just the opposite. There’s no tasting meal menu, diners eat what the talkative, gregarious Michael Maroni decides to cook. Yet, there is some room for variations: Substitutions are made for people with allergies or those who just don’t like a specific dish. And what are diners served here? Scallion pancakes with crème fraiche and caviar, oysters on the half shell, tuna and salmon sashimi, a Kobe beef cheeseburger, a Memphis style barbecued rib, linguini with black truffles, cheese ravioli in a white truffle sauce and the restaurant’s signature dish, Grandma Maroni’s meatballs, rustic treats in a thick, rich red sauce accompanied by goat cheese on a toast round.

Limani
(516) 869-8989 Roslyn

Limani, which means “seaport” in Greek, is an opulent, expansive, expensive, newish restaurant in Roslyn. At its heart, it’s a simple, straightforward spot that offers diners fresh fish with clear eyes and clean gills, charcoal grilled in olive oil and lemon with a sprinkling of capers and herbs. Its centerpiece is a large spotlighted seafood display on a bed of ice showcasing a creative array of fresh fish from North America and the Mediterranean. Diners view the possibilities, then make their choice and pay for it by the pound much as is done at Milos in Manhattan where some of Limani’s staff saw previous service. The whole fish, fish cuts and shellfish range in price from langoustines for $60 a pound to Artic Char at $24 a pound. The lowest priced appetizer here sells for $15 (Patzaria-roasted beets and skordalia) and the highest charcoal broiled U-10 jumbo shrimp fetches $55 a pound.

There are also eight meat entrées available at prices that range from $28 (chicken) to $54 (cowboy steak) but only people who order spaghetti at a Chinese restaurant would order meat at a Greek fish house. Target the likes of filler-free crab cakes, grilled sushi-style octopus, firm, meaty Fagri, a Greek pink snapper, flaky, ivory Turbot and a crisp mix of paper-thin fried zucchini, eggplant and cheese. But don’t be surprised if your check comes to $100 a person at the grandiose Limani, a high end Hellenic heaven with stunning glass, tile, marble and wood accents.
Least Expensive

The Best
Royal Kabab and Grill
(631) 423-2315 Huntington Station

A world away from Nello Summertimes, Maroni Cuisine and Limani is the nine-month-old Royal Kabab and Grill, House of Spice and Kabab, a neat little seven-table storefront Indian-Pakistani spot run by two brothers from Bangladesh on the Jericho Turnpike in Huntington Station. Located at the far end of a nondescript strip shopping center, just to the west of Route 110, it is nearly invisible, yet it might well be the least expensive restaurant around these parts. Just how cheap is it? Let’s put it this way: Two of the most frugal folks I know are too embarrassed to present the discount coupons Royal Kabab distributes because their prices are already so miniscule.

To begin at the beginning, appetizer prices are as low as $2 (most are $3 and $4), India’s admirable, exotic breads can be ordered for as little as $l.50 (Nan) with none topping $4. Vegetarians can get an entrée here for $5 (the two most expensive dishes are $7). Seven dollars is also what chicken curry goes for while a chicken seekh kabab costs all of $4, the same price as all desserts. It’s possible to eat a three-course (appetizer, entrée, dessert) dinner here for $11. Throw in that Nan and it will cost $12.50.
While some of Royal Kabab’s prices are at least similar to that found at other bargain Asian and Middle Eastern ethnic eating places (they, rather than American restaurants, are the way to go for budget minded patrons) its menu that features Halal meats is longer, more varied and creative than most. Diners get to choose from eleven starters, eleven of those justifiably renowned breads, six rice and Biryani dishes, ten vegetarian ones, fourteen meats, nine standard kababs, nine house special meals (mostly upscale kebabs), four desserts and five beverage choices.
Runners Up

Hizir Baba Food Mart
(631) 591-3067 Riverhead

Hizir Baba follows the familiar ethnic Middle Eastern-Asian good food, good prices trail. It’s a barebones, Turkish-Mediterranean restaurant along a charming stretch of river and boardwalk in Riverhead. In warm weather, eating outside on its porch or at one of the picnic tables under the trees is a delight. But no matter what the weather, Hizir Baba (it means God’s End, Hizir’s father, a Muslim saint, an angel’s name, etc.) is a find. Its food is tasty and interesting, its service is friendly and knowing, and its prices are right. (It even accepts credit cards). This seven day a week, very affordable spot starts out in the morning with a $4.95 egg, olive, cheese, jam, cucumber, tomato and house baked pita breakfast. Lunch and dinner offer even more variety and value. With only three exceptions, all of the twelve entrées, served with bugler or rice pilaf, salad and homemade Turkish bread, cost $9.95. That study, delicious bread also accompanies appetizers priced as low as $3.95 and peaking at $9.95 for a platter of assorted starters that’s enough for two. A bowl of soup (lentil or chunky chicken) will set you back only $3.50 while desserts (baklava and four puddings) are in the $3.50 to $4 category. Recommended are all eggplant dishes, especially the charred, smoky eggplant salad, the tender lamb kebab, the Izgara kofte or beef patties atop rice and the pizza-like pies (pide) crowned with sausages, cheese, tomatoes, peppers and eggs.

Mama’s Italian Restaurant
(631) 567-0909 Oakdale

Let’s face it, Mama’s, a family owned Oakdale Italian restaurant, would not be included in this piece were it not for its Monday and Tuesday night, 4 to 10pm pasta nights. Not that Mama’s is expensive, it isn’t, but many of its counterparts are in the same price bracket. That is until Monday and Tuesday when mobs of hungry diners storm the place, often patiently waiting in line. Although $9.95 pasta nights aren’t a rarity on the Island, this one includes soup, salad, entrée, rice pudding and coffee.

There are twelve selections at $9.95 including seven spaghetti choices (tomato sauce, garlic and oil, meat sauce, pesto sauce, mushrooms in marinara sauce, puttanesca and anchovies). Throw in two linguini, two penne and a tortellini alfredo and you have the picture. There are also twelve additional possibilities for the big spenders who want to plunk down another buck. Among them are lasagna, baked ziti, three ravioli choices, stuffed shells, baked manicotti and two more spaghetti picks (meatballs or sausage, red or white clam sauce).

One of the greatest things about living on Long Island is our access to just about every cuisine know to man. Even the least daring (boring) diner has tried a variety of Asian, Italian and Latin American cuisine. It’s time to expand horizons—think of the LIE as a runway to exotic international dining and try a new place every weekend. Passports not required.

Eclectic New American
Bob’s Place Restaurant
230 Jericho Tpke, Floral Park
(516) 354-8185, http://www.bobsplacerestaurant.com
Tue-Sun, Lunch & Dinner, Sunday Brunch
Bob’s is the kind of place that feels like an old friend—warm, honest and familiar, but new and surprising every time. The restaurant claims a 75-year culinary journey and it continues in this chic, elegant (but far from pretentious), contemporary locale. The term “New American” couldn’t fit better—classic dishes are improved with the flavors of Eastern Europe, Asia and the Mediterranean. It’s the kind of place your table can order mustard seed crusted baby rack of veal, pickled herring, a good old fashioned aged black angus NY sirloin and a roasted horseradish crusted Atlantic salmon. As if that’s not enough, they offer vegetarian dishes and use the freshest (local when possible) ingredients.

Afghani Cuisine
Kabul Restaurant
1153 E. Jericho Tpke, Huntington
(631) 549-5506, http://www.kabulny.com
Dinner 7 Days
File this one under “can’t judge a book by its cover.” At first, Kabul seems to be a typical Jericho Turnpike strip-mall venue, but these looks are deceiving. What the somewhat Spartan (albeit authentic) décor lacks, it quickly makes up for with ambiance and great traditional fare. You won’t be able to say enough about the Aushak (lightly minted leek filled pasta in garlic-yogurt meat sauce), Kadu (steamed pumpkin dipped in homemade honey topped with a meat-garlic-yogurt sauce) or meats prepared with spices, grape leaves, vegetables, honey dried fruit and berries. Overall, this cuisine is light, sweet and aromatic. Bellydancers are known to make the rounds. Don’t forget to order Gulab Jamun and Qaimagh Chai!

Belgian Bistro
Waterzooi
850 Franklin Ave, Garden City
(516) 877-2177, http://www.waterzooi.com
Lunch & Dinner Daily
Somewhere along the way beer got a bum rap (Animal House?), but savvy foodies know that beer is as worthy a complement to good food as wine. At Waterzooi, you have your choice of over 130 Belgian beers to go with top-notch casual gastronomy like Moules Pots. For English speakers, this would be mussels served with frites and mayonnaise, and they offer a variety of twelve different kinds like Fra Diavlo, Lucifer, Creole, Paella or Blue Moon, to name a few. Entrées boast names like Zalm, Seul and Kip, but are familiar in their composition, and of course, go great with beer. Still not convinced? Waterzooi also offers an international wine list.

French
Mirabelle at Three Village Inn
150 Main Street, Stony Brook
(631) 751-0555, http://www.threevillageinn.com
Dinner Tues-Sun
What do you get when you cross two favorites of the Long Island restaurant scene? Inspired French cuisine at a traditional country inn. AKA: Acclaimed chef Guy Reuge in the kitchen and the powerhouse restaurant family, the Lessings, at the helm of its operations. This is French without the frou-frou—portions are a good size and hearty things like Provencal vegetables and port sauces share the menu with signature plates like duck in two courses and raw ahi tuna. As it was at its old venue, Mirabelle in the new is as close as you can get to great French food without the seven-hour flight.

Upscale Greek
Limani, Roslyn
1043 Northern Blvd
(516) 869-8989, http://www.limaniny.com
Lunch Mon-Fri, Dinner Daily, Brunch Sun
Long Island has its share of Greek kebab and meat on a spit places, but Limani is something else. The opulent, well-appointed, very tasteful, very chic décor is remarkable and the feeling carries through to the last lick of dessert. Start with the Kolokithi (paper thin zucchini, eggplant, and kefalograviera cheese, lightly fried) and when in Rome, or Athens, or Roslyn, as the case may be, order the Agiorgitiko Gaia Nemea (one of the Greek red wines available among Napa, French and Italians). Greek food is based on fish. Exotic Greek Fagri is similar to a meaty snapper (you’ll never forget how good it is) and is waiting for you, as are Arctic Char, Swordfish, Pompano, St. Pierre, lobster and many others. This is a place you dress well for and frequent whenever you want to feel good.

German
Pumpernickels
640 Main St, Northport
(631) 757-7959
Lunch & Dinner Daily
Think German and think Pumpernickels, it’s probably inevitable for anyone who’s driven down 25A in the last 30 years since that’s how long the restaurant has held ground there. True to its roots, the place is a lively family affair that serves traditional homemade dishes, like their famous Sauerbraten (tender meat in gravy with potato dumplings and red cabbage). Or go with Zigeunerbraten (filet mignon, gypsy style with bratkartoffel). Pumpernickels even promotes its ethnic neighbors—they offer Hungarian goulash and Bavarian favorites. This is a stick to the ribs place perfect for spending a long night while the wind howls outside.

Italian
Sempre Vivolo
696 Motor Pkwy, Hauppauge
(631) 435-1737
Mon-Fri Lunch & Dinner, Sat Dinner Only
Long Island wouldn’t be Long Island without the best Italian restaurants outside of Italy peppering our landscape. And Sempre Vivolo is among the best of the best—they’re so good, so old school, they don’t even have a website. The first indication is the tuxedoed waitstaff that is so attentive, they seem to be reading your mind. Plates bearing names you know, like Carbonara and Bolognese, feel as welcoming as this family owned venue, only you’ve never tasted them so good. Seafood and a solid wine list are also tops. There are no doggie bags, but portions are not family-size so you won’t miss them.

Peruvian
La Candella
495 S. Broadway, Hicksville
(516) 470-0805
Wed-Mon Lunch & Dinner
There are three things you need to know about La Candella: Cevice, cevice, cevice. Don’t know cevice? It’s food of the gods—a blend of shrimp, scallops, and other fish (sometimes even lobster) lime, cilantro, and spices gently prepared. Many places attempt this, but it takes a Peruvian to get it right. Forget what you think you know about the fruits of the sea—cevice is the best, lightest, freshest way to eat seafood. It’s so delicate you can forget yourself and eat through a family-style platter without going into a food coma. Looking for something heartier? Try one of the many tangy meat or sausage entrées La Candella offers. BYOB.

Turkish
Tava Restaurant
166 Main St, Pt. Washington
(516) 767-3400, http://www.tavarestaurantandbar.com
Lunch & Dinner Daily
Long Islanders can now enjoy cuisine from the land where “East meets West,” thanks to Tava’s owners, who are Turkish. This cuisine offers the many flavors of a region that draws its influences from the various surrounding countries (think of it as a stylish, hip, spice market you can dine at). Turkish fare is a culinary crossroads where you can enjoy grilled meat and fish prepared in a potpourri of spices ranging from sweet to zesty. Other staples are eggplant, black currants, rice, nuts, and more spices. If you want to experience something exotic, this is the stop to delight all your senses.

Inventive International
The Frisky Oyster
27 Front Street, Greenport
(631) 477-4265, http://www.thefriskyoyster.com
Dinners Wed-Sun
If you can’t make up your mind on which cuisine to try next, try them all at Frisky Oyster. This Greenport gem is more than worth the trip—their tucked away location at our easternmost tip is part of the experience. The eight-year-old venue is tasteful, contemporary and smooth (think velvet, or cognac). The menu tends to feature the usual beef, chicken, fish (heavy on the fish), duck and pasta, but what’s different is the way this kitchen blends unpredictable influences (Asian with Italian, for instance). Likewise, the wine list boasts “unusual varietals from unusual regions.” This fall, they’re offering a rosé flight from Greece, Austria, France and California.

Over the past several years, the wine industry needed adjustment. Wine prices escalated for reasons that sometimes made no sense, egos swelled, the importance of critics’ ratings were overblown and many other silly factors changed the tenor of the industry. Change can be good or bad, but it’s usually painful. It has come fast and furious in the past few years and now with the wine industry getting a big smackdown by the current recession, these changes are fascinating.

In 2002, I attended the New York Wine Experience with Pierre Seillan, the Winemaker for Vérité. We tasted all the great wines of that era (from cults like Screaming Eagle and Harlan to Premier Crus like Mouton and Lafite). I asked Pierre, “What’s with the pricing of Vérité?” The first release of the wine was priced at $150 a bottle! Pierre’s answer was that Jess Jackson, his boss and owner of Vérité, priced the wine in line with the top wines of the area, a common practice back then.

Wine price also follows the auction, retail and restaurant markets, which in turn follow the scores given by the two most influential wine publications—Robert Parker’s Wine Advocate and The Wine Spectator. Wineries often employ a consultant to advise on how to produce their wine to garner high ratings from the critics. Once that happens, supply and demand change the price, and the winery’s following vintage has an increased price to match the demand. The auction, restaurant and retail markets follow this trend. This vicious cycle pisses off the winery owners, because the middleman makes more money “flipping” their wine then they do! Well, the tide has turned. The market for expensive wines dropped off the cliff last fall, the auction markets took a nosedive and the market for wines above $30 a bottle fell after years of expansion.

Over the past several years, the wine industry needed adjustment.

So where are we today? I just finished bidding at Sotheby’s New York Auction. I noticed how the low and high estimates in the bidding catalogue have changed drastically since the recession started. Then, during the bidding, I noticed that big name wines were once again being pushed up, not like before the Great Recession, but still. I stayed away from those and focused on some lesser-known wines that I know to be great and found some good deals.

Wine sales and customer counts at restaurants are also floundering. The same old pricing structure and boring wine lists push more people to consider bringing their own. Now I can understand this if you’re going to a restaurant with a crappy wine program. But not at a restaurant with a well-designed and appropriately-priced program. There are civility rules to BYOB when going to a restaurant that has a Liquor License: 1) Call first to see if it’s allowed. Don’t assume. 2) Check what the corkage fee is. 3) Bring something special to celebrate a special occasion and never bring something that is on the list. 4) It’s also a good idea to order something off the list to accompany your bottle.

If you think that it is all right to march into a restaurant with your bottle of wine without following any of the above, then: 1) You’re wrong and 2) Would you bring a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka to a bar? I understand everyone must deal with the recession, but if your favorite restaurant doesn’t make any money (or enough), they will simply close the doors and that would be everyone’s loss!

If the recession has taught us anything, it’s that we must reevaluate the way we view the marketplace, identify value and invest our money in quality options rather than ones that just have the most visibility or name recognition. The same goes for beer. It’s easy to get stuck in the same rut most people find themselves in—patronizing the big corporations that produce superior advertisements and marketing campaigns yet consistently churn out, at best, pretty pedestrian products. Our beer review of Long Island breweries is meant to be a roadmap to your future libations that doesn’t just steer you locally for the sake of steering you locally, but gives you an alternative to the Buds and Millers of the world in favor of handcrafted beers with the spirit of our surroundings brewed in every batch.


Blue Point Brewing Company
161 River Avenue, Patchogue
(631) 475-6944
http://www.bluepointbrewing.com

Step inside a Long Island nightspot and you will undoubtedly see dozens of gorgeous copper-colored pint glasses lighting up the barroom. That sight is the Toasted Lager, the flagship of Blue Point’s impressive stable of brews, a World Beer Cup gold medal winner and a source of great local pride among LI beer enthusiasts. The Blue Point Blueberry Ale is also incredibly popular and delicious, but, more impressively, it’s one of the few fruit-flavored beers in existence to gain a serious male-following. Hoptical Illusion is Blue Point’s take on an India Pale Ale. Its psychedelic-styled label instantly distinguishes itself from most beers and the taste, in my opinion, will appeal as well to a specific palate…or person. Then there’s the Oatmeal Stout. It won’t knock 10 points off your cholesterol but it’s a dark, hardy beer that’s as formidable as they come. Oktoberfest’s annual arrival brings consolation to summer’s end, positioning itself similarly to the experience of Toasted Lager but flavored with a distinct seasonal variance. Rastafa Rye Ale, a rare rye beer with a gimmicky Rastafarian label was a highly balanced beer that didn’t need an attention-grabbing appearance to sell me—it is arguably the best beer in Blue Point’s deep repertoire.
The Blue Point Brewery’s (Patchogue) tap room is open Thursday through Saturday. There you can sample their complete menu of craft beers and bring home growlers of your favorite brews. Toasted, Blueberry, Hoptical and Oktoberfest (seasonal) are available bottled and on tap all over the Island. Oatmeal Stout comes in a growler only. Look for Rastafa Rye in 750ml bottle or on tap in selected locations.


Brooklyn Brewery
#1 Brewers Row
79 North 11th Street, Brooklyn
(718) 486-7422
http://www.brooklynbrewery.com

The (real) King of Beers may very well reside in Kings County. What the Toasted means to Blue Point the Brooklyn Lager is to Brooklyn—the crown jewel of the BK franchise, the Lager is the finest regional beer I’ve sampled. The style exuded in the simplicity of the label design, the flowery aroma, the amber-gold color and the caramel undertones make this beer the total package. Now, if the situation calls for something a little fancier, Brooklyn’s Local 1 or Local 2 are a logical choice. These striking corked finished bottles are ideal for a classy dinner affair. Local 1 and its fruitiness is a nice complement to opening course appetizers and the Local 2, a more mature, rich beer than its counterpart is ideal for a tasteful nightcap. The East India Pale Ale is similarly competent in the category of IPAs, with discernible hints of citrus and pine. It’s a great summer beer.

A pilgrimage to the Brooklyn Brewery is a well-worth-your-time communal experience, complete with draught beer, pizza and picnic tables. Special Brewmaster Reserves are only available exclusively in the brewery and are retired once they’re sold out. The entire line of Brooklyn products is offered in bottles and on tap in locations all over BK and the Island. Local 1 & 2 are only sold exclusively in 750ml cork finished bottles.


Southampton Publick House
40 Bowden Sq., Southampton
(631) 283-2800
http://www.publick.com

Southampton Publick House Brewmaster Phil Markowski deserves acknowledgment for crafting a lineup of beers that ranges so greatly in style and taste. Each brew is truly an experience on its own; an audacious move that Southampton delectably pulls off time and again. Double White is the ideal summer beer. Every sip is light and refreshing, with discernible lemon peel and coriander flavoring throughout. You should free to choose the local DW in favor of Sam Adams Summer. Pumpkin Ale is the perfectly crafted seasonal brew. Balanced flawlessly and spiced just right, it’s as if Willy Wonka created adult pumpkin bread in liquid form. Then there’s Altbier, a dark German-style that’s easy-to-drink feel begs for a chug but it’s flavored so grandly that it really should be savored. Southampton’s India Pale Ale is hybrid style IPA (west coast/old world) that is aptly termed “complex” in its description—the multifaceted explosion of taste lends itself best to a more nuanced palette. Both Saison and Cuveen des Fleurs are elegantly bottled; almost as showpieces that should be saved for occasions that demand such an aesthetic. Saison has a wine-like taste, possessing an abundance of fruit flavor that I could envision being a bit overwhelming to some. Cuveen des Fleurs’ floral essence and fine distinction is best suited for a June picnic but could provide a nice memento as November temperatures bottom out.

Southampton Publick House (Southampton) is microbrewery restaurant offering casual dining and handcrafted ales and lagers. Double White, Pumpkin (seasonal), Altbier and India Pale Ale can be purchased in bottles. Saison and Cuveen des Fleurs are part of the 750 Series of exclusive corked bottles.


John Harvard’s Brew House
2093 Smith Haven Mall, Lake Grove
(631) 979-2739
http://www.johnharvards.com

There’s no such thing as too much of a good thing. And if there is, it’s not in the world of beer sampling. In house, John Harvard’s Brew House serves its beer in pints and pitchers. If you find a particular homemade brew you love, you have the option, actually mandate, of bringing it home in the form of a 64oz growler. John Harvard’s Schwarzbier, while technically not a stout—it’s a Bavarian dark Lager—is the local alternative to Guinness. It’s very drinkable and without the bitterness typical of this variety. Their Altbier selection, a “light-medium” bodied German-style Ale, also warranted a jug for the road. It exhibits a superb color upon pour and has the versatility to complement a meal or to be drunk en masse at a Bier Hall. Harvard’s Pumpkin Spice Ale is a real crowd pleaser, especially when served with a rim of cinnamon and sugar. Buddies I sampled with quickly quaffed a growler in a time grossly at odds with Surgeon General Guidelines.
John Harvard Brew House (Lake Grove) offers honest American and pub-style food alongside their famous variety of lagers and ales—all brewed on premises. Schwarzbier, Altbier, Pumpkin Spice and a host of others can all be taken home in growlers.


Greenport Harbor Brewing
234 Carpenter Street, Greenport
(631) 477-6681
http://www.harborbrewing.com

At first glance, it seems odd that Greenport Harbor Brewing Company provides boldly on their Harbor Ale label the address and phone number of the brewery. After drinking their creation, it’s quite apparent why they’re so forthcoming on how to reach them. Greenport Harbor is proud of their product and with good reason. The Harbor Ale is the essence of its hometown—subtle, simple, and down to earth with some intangible quality that keeps people coming back.
You can pick up a growler of your favorite beer from Greenport Harbor Brewing Company (Greenpoint) or look for it on tap in LI restaurants.


Fire Island Beer Company
PO Box 546, Ocean Beach
(631) 482-3118
http://www.fireislandbeer.com

Fire Island Beer Company is of a similar brewing standard, believing that their beer should be a living, breathing embodiment of its birthplace. The color, character and laid back experience of FI are evident in their signature Lighthouse Ale. They manage to create this beer experience by staying true to the original character nodes of its home brewing roots, while branding their products with casual spirit of “the other New York.”
Fire Island Lighthouse Lager can be bought in a six-pack on the shelves of supermarkets and beverage distributors across Long Island. They have also just released their newest—Red Wagon IPA.

Fire Island Lighthouse Lager can be bought in a six-pack on the shelves of supermarkets and beverage distributors across Long Island.

I dread Thanksgiving dinner with my family. It’s so embarrassing. I’m well into my forties, single, no real career to speak of, so I feel pretty pathetic. For me, the idea of going to my parents’ house for a family Thanksgiving dinner makes me want to fall on a knife. Or a sword. Or a pitchfork.

Literally every year, the day after Thanksgiving, I swear to myself I won’t show up at my parents’ house the following year. It’s all too overwhelming. Call me a coward. I spend the entire year trying to stay committed to my plan of not attending. In August, I sit around pontificating as to what impact my absence will have on the rest of the family. September, October, November, I am steadfast on not going to the family gathering. I even find the right people at various twelve step groups who tell me what I need to hear. They are big on avoiding family gatherings.

But I am assaulted with the standard barrage of persuasion from my siblings. They’ll manipulate me with the usual propaganda. “This might be the last year our parents are alive.” I always fall for that one. And: “The kids really want to see you.” Which they don’t. Maybe they did when they were younger and I played the role of the likeable crazy uncle, but now they are at the age when they are figuring out that I am a colossal loser. I suspect their parents inform them of my loser status in the car ride. I can hear the conversation:

“Daddy, what’s wrong with Uncle Jeff? Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend?”

“Well, sweetie, Uncle Jeff did a lot of acid in college. And he might be a homosexual.”

Or worse, my brother’s wife chimes in: “Honey, some men are simply not good with women, that’s all.”

Back to my plan of avoiding Thanksgiving dinner. Everything is good up until about a week before when some hidden hand nudges me onto a bus or a train or into a deranged relative’s car and off I am to the lovely Carmel, New York for Thanksgiving dinner.
This upcoming Thanksgiving looks particularly bad. All the basic ingredients for torture are there—once again, I’m single and once again I’m bracing for the usual frustrations of trying to convince my family that I’m in show business and a “writer.” And not gay. One year, I almost brought a peg-legged Hungarian woman with me for help on that front, but even she stood me up. Makes me think that I really need a girlfriend, if just for some legitimacy. I mean, if some kid went missing in my neighborhood, I’d be the prime candidate for the abductor—a forty something, single man who rents a room at the local Y? C’mon, that’s a no-brainer. It’s why I never go near playgrounds and prefer places with lots of cameras like Wal-Mart.

Also, as of recently, my mom has been footing the bill for my match.com account. Is there anything more pathetic? I am sure she will bring it up, if not publicly, then behind my back. Maybe with my gossipy cousin Allen before dessert. I suppose she picks up the tab for my Internet dating because she still feels she can get grandkids out of my weak drug addled sperm. It’s particularly embarrassing because it puts me in the horrific situation of having to report to my “investor” on my progress. “Well, mom, the date went well. I made out with a 55-year-old Ukrainian woman!” To which my mom will rip, “You only made out?! You could not get a tit out?! I pay for your sister’s match.com and she got felt up last night—she is kicking your ass.”

At least my father has mellowed over the years. There used to be a rule banning gravy on Thanksgiving, because my father hates gravy. No gravy on Thanksgiving?! I don’t even know why the rest of us couldn’t have it, some kind of sacrilege or something. That was until one year I liberally coated my turkey with ketchup. Everyone looked at me in utter disgust, but I justified, “Look it is way too dry and it needs something!” Since then and with the help of my sister’s prodding we’re allowed to bring our own gravy.

Nowadays my parents are on their own. When I visit, I try to look around for things that need to be done. But being the metro fag that I am, I’m not handy enough to fix what needs to be fixed. Even basic stuff like putting up their Christmas tree. My parents know I’m not handy but can assess my abilities and utilize me. On my short visits, they see me less as their son and more of an apparatus to move things, which is fine with me because I like to move things. They say, “Hey Jeff, glad you’re here. Now go in the basement, strap on that old rusty boiler to your back and drag it out to the curb so the garbage men will take it.” They think the garbage men will take anything. Put the space shuttle out there. If you put a flag at the end “they” will take it.

Luckily for my parents, they have Mike the handyman. This depresses me, because, in a very real way, they love Mike the handyman, far more than they should and this is shown in tangible ways. For instance, they are paying for Mike’s kids to go to summer camp, Mike is always a guest at any party and, here is the kicker, they have a picture of Mike’s kids on their refrigerator. Pictures of Mike the handyman’s kids are on my parents’ f’n refrigerator! Not me or my sister or brother but the handyman’s kids. Though I can’t say I blame them. He does what we don’t—he fixes sh-t.

This year, there are more dangers to fear at Thanksgiving. My parents bought a pair of remarkably hostile little Chihuahuas. They rein over the house and my parents even sneak them into restaurants and let them walk on the dining room table—at other people’s houses, not just their own. These dogs are nasty, vicious, little things whose bites are way worse than their barks. When they bite, they bite hard, usually breaking the skin. And they’re calculating. They’ll sit, perched on a nice pillow, waiting patiently for someone, usually a kid or elderly person, to take the bait and come over to pat them on the head. They’ll let them get in two or three pats and next thing you know, there’s blood spilled and a kid screaming, and the dogs start barking and running around. After all this, my parents won’t even blame the dogs. They’ll say something like, “If you don’t move so fast the dog won’t bite.”

At least this year I am showing up in relatively good health. A few years ago, a doctor prescribed me Ritalin to help me stay focused, more organized, productive and cleaner. The same drug that kids take and often abuse. I ate the entire bottle in three days. It was delicious. And it did make me more organized. In fact, I barricaded myself in my room for three weeks, paranoid, not answering the phone, spending most of the time alphabetizing my sock drawer. I went off the drug a few weeks before Thanksgiving but the damage was done. My bones were showing through my skin like I just got out of a prisoner of war camp. My entire family (20 people) sat around the table in absolute silence staring at me. Finally, my brother broached the delicate subject. “Ah, Jeff, have you lost some weight?”

“Yes,” I gloated, “almost 100 pounds. Could you pass the potatoes?”

PALIO RISTORANTE
516 433-9100 Jericho
* * *

Palio’s menu doesn’t lie. Menus often feature flowery prose, exaggerations and platitudes. But the one at Palio, a stylish, sophisticated restaurant in Jericho, truthfully states: “Quality of ingredients is everything and simplicity of execution is a must” and goes on to claim “Italian cuisine simply prepared utilizing only the highest quality ingredients.” Although Palio isn’t perfect, it does make good on those statements.

The eleven-month-old Palio is a classy, subdued high-end spot that fuses traditional Italian dishes (Caesar salad, veal scaloppini, spaghetti pomodoro, lasagna Bolognese, risottos, etc.) with present day dining trends (organic local ingredients from small family farms, house made pastas, wild, not farm raised fish and natural hormone-free beef. It’s also a “green” or environmentally sensitive restaurant. It converts excess cooking oil into bio-diesel fuel, prints its menus on recycled paper with soy ink and utilizes energy efficient lighting.

Just as importantly to most diners is the good, tasty food on Palio’s plates and the pretty, peaceful surroundings in which it’s served. The restaurant’s modern, contemporary ambiance in both the main dining room and handsome bar room features discrete, understated art, contemporary chandeliers, wall sconces, bronze colored square table top candles and lively horseracing prints depicting the famous race in Siena, Italy that gives the restaurant its name. Appropriately soothing music fills the air.

The leadoff hitter at Palio is an especially dramatic, eye-catching bread basket that hold Long Island’s longest (foot long) bread sticks with a supporting cast of sturdy, crusty bread. Worthwhile starters that follow are a first-class mixed salad, a nice juxtaposition of fried and marinated ingredients (grilled eggplant, marinated tomatoes, fired leeks) in the mélange and a huge homemade half portion of gnocchi generously sprinkled with spec (ham) and mushrooms in a velvety white wine sauce. The Panzanella boasted a large fresh mix of greens, tomatoes and onions, but the Tuscan bread salad could use more of those excellent toasty Italian bread croutons.

Pastas ($18 and $20) give a good accounting of themselves. Try the lasagna Bolognese, a light, layered pleasure enhanced by its béchamel and lip smacking Bolognese sauces and the big, straightforward plate of pappardelle with harmonizing pasta sheets, mushrooms, garlic, herbs and olive oil. Non-pasta entrées sampled were a respectable herb-seared Pacific salmon and a flavorful, though slightly chewy, scaloppini of veal.

Other than a rather ordinary tiramisu, we enjoyed a tangy, light, lemony bavarese ol limone, a tall sundae glass filled with a meld of rich gianduja, pistachio and zabaglione gelato. Chocolate lovers will appreciate the Cioccolato 399, a dreamy chocolate covered and filled pill-box shaped treat.

KITCHEN A BISTRO
631 862-0151 St. James
FOOD ****1/2 SERVICE/AMBIANCE **

Bring money, wine, a hearty appetite, an adventurous spirit and a laid back, relaxed attitude to the casual, seven-month-old Kitchen A Bistro in St. James and you won’t be disappointed. Chef/owner Eric Lomando is churning out some of the most creative, interesting, absolutely spectacular fare available on Long Island in his newish, sport shirt and slacks style, upscale French bistro where Mirabelle had been until last December.

Although Kitchen A Bistro has been on the local dining scene for over a decade, its present informal venue is larger and more comfortable than the rather cramped original where smoke from the kitchen sometimes filtered into the dining room and patrons waiting for tables often had to sit in their cars until they could be accommodated.

But the dishes there were exceptional and they are as good or better now. The nearly 6,000 diners who voted in the Zagat survey ranked its food best on the Island knew what they were doing. Mr. Lomando who also owns and supervises Trattoria A Bistro where Kitchen A Bistro had been exhibits his creative flair in nearly every dish. An eggplant ravioli starter with black olive and tomato confit makes for an inspired vegetarian meld. Rarely encountered grilled figs come with a lip smacking eggplant purée given a welcome spark by a touch of blue cheese. But the knockout starter is the homey, rustic, braised oxtail, mixed with green farro topped with an egg that’s slow cooked in its shell and a thin, crisp Parmesan thiel. Break the yolk into the meat and farro for a memorable, earthy treat.

A tall, muscular, grilled pork porterhouse chop entrée is smothered in crisp browned Dijon spaetzle, an appealing veal duo of prosciutto-wrapped veal loin and soft mellow braised veal shoulder with celery is reminiscent of Mirabelle’s duck two ways as is the duck itself here. It combines the thickest (and one of the best) rare, sautéed duck breasts and roasted fig with a duck confit crêpe. Diners who seek lighter going should consider the delicate bronzini over a luxuriant fennel puree with Nicoise salad.

There are no wrong dessert turns although the rich dark chocolate snickers tart with caramel has a rubbery texture and a hard, difficult to penetrate, crust. The tangy fig tarte tartin and dense chocolate pot de crème are recommended without reservation.

On Fridays and Saturday nights (when reservations are accepted) a fixed price $42 three-course meal is served. The other five days of the week al a carte entrées cost $25, appetizers are in the $9 to $11 category and desserts go for $6.50. There is no wine list and no corkage fee for bottles brought by diners. There’s also no credit card that’s accepted at Kitchen A Bistro.

Is this then a perfect restaurant? Of course not (perfection is unattainable). Without Mirabelle’s white tablecloths, or other absorbent material, it can be ear splittingly noisy. While its wait staff is upbeat, knowledgeable and concerned, runners were on cruise control the night I visited. Dishes were auctioned off (“Who ordered the chicken?”), coffee we didn’t order was delivered to our table and leftovers we requested to take home were thrown out with no apologies.

Would any of this stop me from returning? No way! Food is the name of the game at a restaurant and it’s extraordinary here.

NASSAU

Ruby’s Famous BBQ Joint
(516) 280-6657, East Meadow
http://www.rubysfamousbbqjoint.com
Wide selection of bottled/draft brews (including one of this Buckaroo’s favorite beers, Paulaner Hefeweizen) and wine to complement the plates of ribs and pulled pork you’ll have consumed by night’s end.

Governor’s Comedy Club
(516) 731-3358, Levittown
http://www.governors.ning.com
Toss the Pictionary, card decks and dart boards back into the closet—it’s time to experience some real entertainment while you drink. Top comedic acts booked every Thursday thru Sunday.

Boss Croker’s
(516) 679-2967, Wantagh
Ten cent wings on Wednesdays. What else can you really say but WOW? Get it? WOW = Wings on Wednesdays. Okay, you got it.

SUFFOLK

Rare Olive Lounge
(631) 423-3444, Huntington
http://www.rareolivelounge.com
Meatpacking District meets Suffolk County at this sleek, two-leveled hipster haven. Serves as a perfect alternative to the casual-dressed, monotonous bar scene on the Island of Long.

Port Jazz
(631) 476-7600, Port Jefferson
http://www.portjazz.com
Variety of live musical acts ranging from Beatles tribute bands to soul/funk jam sessions. If you’ve ever strolled past the Starbucks downport on a weekend evening and heard a party above, well, now you know.

Instant Replay Sports Bar
(631) 673-6161, Huntington Village
Despite its recent popularity, there are still a limited number of bars that offer monthly Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) events. Luckily, this Huntington Village watering hole knows exactly what we want—caged brutality. And plenty of beer as we watch it unfold. Also offers 2-for-1 drafts during all Mets and Yankees games.

October dining specials on LI offer either total immersion in thoroughly local ingredients or a deep dive into a variety of European delights. Other big news is the fourth annual Long Island Restaurant Week, which promises to be an LI foodie’s dream.

Rugosa in East Hampton (631) 604-1550 is introducing “From the Farm,” a local tasting menu–six-courses with local ingredients such as seafood and duck for $58. Add local wine pairings for an additional $30, plus tax and tip. The menu changes weekly and is offered every night from 5pm but Tuesdays when the restaurant is closed.

The Library Café in Farmingdale (516) 752-7678 is going Teutonic with “Octoberfest 2009” from October 12 through October 26. The restaurant will offer German food specials, craft beers and German beers. There will also be an Octoberfest Beer Dinner on Wednesday, October 21. Reservations are required.

City Cellar Wine Bar & Grill in Westbury (516) 693-5400 will visit the Iberian Peninsula with the fourth in a series of “Harvest Wine Dinners” celebrating the flavors of Spain with Spanish wines on September 22 beginning at 7pm. The menu will feature such delicacies as Bacalao Croquettes, Jamon Iberico, Braised Angus Short Rib with Chimichurri and much more.

Madison Steakhouse & Fine Seafood in Hauppauge (631) 231-6909 is saying buon giorno to Italy with a $9.99 (plus tax and tip) Pasta Night every Monday and Tuesday night. There is a choice of classic pasta shapes and sauces and for $2 more you can add classic meat accompaniments as well. A bonanza of inexpensive Italian wines and desserts completes the meal.

Sensual dancing and sensuous cuisine: Tango Argentine Steakhouse in Central Islip (631) 234-6623 offers not just a selection of voluptuous steaks, but also one-hour Tango lessons with your meal. Be there on Thursdays at 7:30pm for dining and dancing.

Finally, the fourth annual Long Island Restaurant Week will be takes place at 57 restaurants from Long Beach to the Hamptons and North Fork from Sunday November 1 through November 8. For these eight days, the participating restaurants (an eclectic bunch) have a special fixed price of $24.95 for a three-course meal offered all evening except Saturday after 7pm. For more info go to longislandrestaurantweek.com.

Sharing the experience is as important as the wine itself

That may seem to be an odd title, but I think it is quite important. I believe the whole point of wine is often missed by those in the industry and consumers.  We treat it like it is just another beverage, but we shouldn’t.  Wine is much more and can not only enhance a meal and a gathering, but also make both into memorable events. 
Naturally due to my profession, I taste and drink wine often (every day), but even I sometimes forget (or don’t have the opportunity) to share the experience with someone, which is what makes it indelible.  When I ordered a bottle of wine recently at a top-notch restaurant, the wine’s soul got lost amongst the business talk and the tasting menu—an unfortunate waste of an opportunity and the wine.  Don’t get me wrong, the wine was enjoyed, but we moved on quickly to the business at hand and the many dishes of cuisine.  In other words, the wine experience was lost to the other content of the evening.  Too bad, the wine was a lovely Syrah from Mendoza, Argentina with a beautiful and unique artsy label and a great story.  Ernesto Catena is the artist son of the famed winemaking family of the same name in Mendoza, his Siesta Syrah is a great melding of “new world” brash fruit and “old world” spice and earth reminiscent of Syrah from the Rhône Valley.

On another occasion, I brought a few wines to a friend’s house and we were able to let the wines shine.  So much so that I was asked about the cost and availability of both wines—Penalolen Cabernet Sauvignon from Maipo Valley in Chile and Lachini Pinot Noir from Willamette Valley in Oregon. 

Wine is much more and can not only enhance a meal and a gathering, but also make both into memorable events.

In my most recent example, a group of wines were brought to Starr Boggs in celebration of “Tumbleweed Tuesday” and an intimate corporate thank you dinner with my client Hamptons Wine Shoppe.  The owner, Paul, manager ,Tom, and I wandered around our cellars and sales floor to choose fun and interesting wines to bring to dinner.  We choose two 1996 Burgundies—Domaine Louis Carillon Puligny-Montrachet with a scary low level of wine in the neck and Domaine Courcel Pommard Rugiens 1er Cru.  Then finding a theme, we brought along two Californian versions of the same—1999 Kistler Pinot Noir from the famed Kistler Vineyard and 2006 Baton Chardonnay from Heintz Vineyard in Sonoma.  We proceeded to order our food to match the wines and, most importantly, invited the Starr Boggs Manager, Jeannie, Chef, Drew, the waiter and others to join us in tasting the wines.  So our experience was enhanced by allowing others to sit and enjoy the wines with us.  It helps that the wines all sang throughout the night.  Tom was stunned by the liveliness and character of the old Puligny-Montrachet (we all were). We predicted another at least five years strong life for the wine, not bad for thirteen year-old white wine.  Then Tom sang the praises of the young Baton Chardonnay and began to favor that over the Puligny, later only to praise once again the old Burgundy.  The same sequence continued with the Pinot Noirs, stunning wines that captured the night and will be long remembered by all of us.  So the lesson here is to choose your wines carefully then share them to make the wines and evening memorable.

Chris Miller is an Advanced Sommelier, partner in http://www.HamptonsWineShoppe.com and does wine education and private wine consultation. Visit him online at http://www.chrismillerwines.com and follow him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/cmwines.

Dear Dr. Love,
I’ll get right to the point. I’ve been divorced twice, have two kids over 21 and have been single again for the past two years. Because I don’t want to be a “three time loser” in marriage, I am now brutally honest and upfront when I meet a woman. This seems to have made me less successful than my friends in forming relationships. Should I adopt a “less than honest” dating strategy? I like to lay all my cards on the table.

George, Cold Spring Harbor

Okay George,
I will say it like it is—your brutal honesty with women is a turn off. Keep it up and I can assure you that “laying cards on the table” will be all you will do in the foreseeable future!

You know the word honesty in dating is often abused and misused by those of us who date. For example, if we leave out certain facts in our discussions with an individual of interest to us, aren’t we being less than candid? However, if we are doing it to avoid hurting the other person, does this make it more acceptable? On a scale of 1 to 10, should a little white lie be considered a 1 or 2, while an outright line of bull be given a 10? There is no judge, only personal inclinations and moral interpretations.

Although honesty is usually the best policy, think of your first meeting with a woman like a job interview. Would a prospective employer want to hear unsolicited opinions from you? Focus on what the interviewer (your date!) is interested in rather than making statements about yourself and your dating philosophical outlook.

A one-sided conversation will get you neither employed nor in a mutual relationship. And by the way, George, I plead guilty to the same tendency that you exhibit. Tigers like you and me need to change our stripes every so often. As my gym buddy, Gerry, tells me, “We can all learn from one another if we’re willing to listen.” Something you and I need to think about!

Nick Dipaolo
October 2, 9pm; October 3, 8&10:30pm
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://www.brokeragecomedy.com

Everywhere I go I get hair in my food. I went to a restaurant last week, two hairs in my soup, two in my lettuce. The waitress comes out and says, “Can I get you anything else?” “Yeah, how about a comb for the salad?” – Nick Dipaolo

We do experiments on animals for a reason—to prolong our life. If hooking a monkey’s brain up to a car battery is going to save somebody of dying from AIDS in ten years, I got two things to say, “The red is positive and the black is negative.” –Nick Dipaolo

Frankie Pace
October 9-10
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://www.mcguirescomedyshows.com

I’m married 35 years. My wife is going to college now. She’s taking a course in psychology to find out why we’re married 35 years. –Frankie Pace

I bought a Bob Marley shirt yesterday. Must have been a cheap shirt. It rained and Bob left. –Frankie Pace

The Comedy Loft
October 10, 9pm
The Westhampton Steak House, Westhampton Beach
(631) 471-1221, http://www.westhamptonsteakhouse.com
Will feature Rob Cividanes, ventriloquist Bob Baker, Chris Roach and Chris Monty. Tickets: $10.

So I just dropped about 25 lbs. Yup, I’m back on the coke. –Rob Cividanes

I’m very allergic to alcohol. One beer & I break out in handcuffs. –Rob Cividanes

10th Annual Bravest Night of Comedy to benefit the Thomas Elsasser Fund
October 22, 8pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, http://www.govs.com

A benefit for a fund for widows and children of FDNY members that die outside the line of duty. Will feature Goumba Johnny; Funny NYC Firefighters Steve Alleva L7, Wyatt Lawrence L126, Ed Sullivan E211, Kevin Seaman L4, Brian Finley L7, hosted by Billy Bingo. Tickets: $20; 2 drink minimum.

Jesus was Italian. Just like my dad, every Sunday he drank wine and wore sandals, he hung out with 12 guys and nobody had a job, he lived with his mom till he was 30, he was a carpenter in the union and when he was born 3 wise guys brought him presents for no reason at all! –Goumba Johnny

See Saw Comedy Improv and Sketch Comedy
October 25, 7pm
Studio Theatre, Lindenhurst
(631) 218-1080, http://www.seesawcomedy.com
Cover charge: $10, no drink minimum.

I sat down at a $2-$4 no limit table and bought in for 400 bucks. It was a weekday so the poker room was a bit slower than usual. I sat to the left of a guy I had played with before named Jack. A few of the guys called him Jack Rabbit because he was very fidgety and played in quick, almost uncontrollable bursts. The player to my left was a college-aged kid wearing an Elmer Fudd hat. Wonder if he’s hunting wabbits, I thought.

A few hands in, Jack Rabbit came in for a raise to 20 under the gun and I looked down at Ace-Jack. I called. Elmer also called and everyone else folded. The flop came down 8, 10, Queen, rainbow. I had a double belly buster straight draw; there were two cards that could make my straight—a 9 or a King. And a double belly buster is different than an open-ended straight draw, which is also four cards to a straight but in order. The double belly buster is harder for opponents to notice because there aren’t a bunch of consecutive cards sitting out there all in a row.

Whoever named straight draws belly busters and gut shots sure had it right. You call away your chips slowly chasing that perfect card and usually die a slow death. Like being shot in the gut. A double belly buster just means there are two cards that will make the straight instead of just one.

Jack Rabbit checked the flop, which made me sure he had a big hand, pocket Aces or Kings. He would almost always make a continuation bet if he’d raised preflop. But his check told me he was planning on putting in a raise if either me or Elmer bet. I also checked.

Elmer mumbled under his breath and put out a bet of 20 into a pot of 66 bucks. It was a bet that looked like a flush draw but there wasn’t one on the board, so I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Jack Rabbit hesitated. That was different—he almost always acted quickly and moved his chips manically. I figured he had been planning to raise, but decided against it and simply called, probably fearing a made straight or a set. Now there were 106 bucks in the pot and I only had to put in 20 to chase eight outs, an easy call.

Wonder if he’s hunting wabbits, I thought

.

The turn came down a King, making me the nuts and I tried to keep my hands from shaking. Jack Rabbit bet out 40 bucks and I was sure he had pocket Aces. His smallish bet was just to see where he was in the hand and I was pretty sure he’d fold to a raise. I was also pretty sure that Elmer was thinking the same thing, so I smooth called the 40.

Elmer pushed out his entire stack without hesitation and Jack Rabbit tossed his cards away with a moan. I called and turned over my Ace-high straight. Elmer’s face scrunched and he turned over Jack-9 for a smaller straight that he’d hit on the flop.
“How you chase that crap?” Elmer whined.

“He had a double belly buster bud,” Jack Rabbit offered. “How the hell’s he gonna fold getting more than five to one on his money.”
“A double belly whaaaa?” Elmer asked and the table erupted in laughter.

Elmer’s only chance was to catch an Ace on the river to split the pot but when a rag fell, he got up and headed for the door. He mumbled something about where the rest of us could go, to which Jack Rabbit responded, “Wabbit season is over.”

* Excerpt from the novel Smooth Calling by Matt Kapelas

THE BELL HOUSE
149 7th Street, Gowanus
http://www.thebellhouseny.com

Big, booming, baroque Bell House brings a bit of the metropolitan thing to typically-industrial Gowanus. With a huge performance space in the main room and a darkly-lit Front(ier) Room filled with a nice variety of macro and micro brews as well as the occasional sexy cocktail, this newer addition to Brooklyn’s growing music venue menu promises to stick around so we can all linger around after the show and point our noses up past the warehouses towards the promise of more stars in the sky someday. Happy fall, people.

MONKEYTOWN
58 N. 3rd Street, Williamsburg
http://www.monkeytownhq.com

I like that Monkeytown claims on their website that they “serve experimental cuisine and classic dishes from a country that doesn’t exist.” Beautiful. And while I haven’t dined there, I can attest to the fact that Monkeytown offers art from a museum that doesn’t exist. Or maybe a genre that doesn’t exist. Or maybe it’s not about the art (which is usually visual and aural in design) at all, but rather how it’s delivered. Surrounded by screens and sound and communal seating, Monkeytown is more experience than show, more see-for-yourself than here’s-what-it’s-all-about-thank-you-very-much.

GOODBYE BLUE MONDAY
1087 Broadway, Bushwick
http://www.goodbye-blue-monday.com

Goodbye Blue Monday is a bit like a garage sale of experimental art, music and poetry. There’s a scent of that sweet panoptic libation in the air here, the one that, with one sip, makes us feel the joy of art in everything and in everyone. And why not, right? Bring down the ivory towers of art and culture and make it known henceforth that all persons—no matter taste, expertise, scene, etc.—shall invent and share and engage in the universal discourse of creation. And in a cool bar, no less. Make it known, Goodbye Blue Monday. Make it known.

I neared my limit after a thirty-plus hour run at the $2-$4 no-limit table. My stack grew steadily through the night and into early morning. I won one big pot every hour or so and avoided any huge losses. But once noon came around, my luck started to change.

I was sitting on close to four grand in chips and my eyes were burning when a young kid took the seat to my right. He greeted the table with a “How yous doin?” but his lips barely moved. Plus, his face looked wooden and fake, like a ventriloquist’s dummy. But he wasn’t dumb. He came out raising and raking in pots. He’d barely been at the table for a full round and his chip stack had nearly doubled from the $400 he bought in for.

Dummy raised to twenty bucks under the gun and I looked down at pocket Aces. I re-raised to one hundred even and everyone folded back to Dummy. “I re-re-raise,” he said, though his lips still didn’t move. “Make it four hundred.”

“All in,” I said without any fear.

“Oops,” Dummy said. “I thought that you thought I was making a move.” He hesitated for a moment, counted the rest of his chips before pushing them in. “I only got another three hundred and change, it’s not like I can fold.”

I turned over my Aces and Dummy reluctantly turned over 6-7 of spades. The rest of the table did their best to keep their lips from moving as they whispered about what a dummy he was.

The flop came down 5, 8, 9, all spades. Dummy flopped a straight flush. Neither the turn nor the river could help me and I could only shake my head as he raked in the pot.
A few rounds later, Dummy raised to twenty again and I looked down at 6-7 of clubs. I called and everyone else folded. The flop came down 5, 8, 9, rainbow. This time I flopped the nuts. Dummy bet out fifty and I raised to 200. “All in,” he said. I called instantly.

Dummy confidently turned over pocket Aces and I showed him my straight. He didn’t seem to care that I had the best hand. The turn came down another 5, giving him three outs, either of the two Aces or the last 5 left in the deck. I shouldn’t have been surprised when he spiked one of those Aces on the river for the winning full house. Again, I could only shake my head. Twice I’d put my money in with by far the best hand and lost both pots. It’s poker, it happens, things should even out in the end.

I continued shaking my head and counted my chips. I was down to around $1,400 and decided to walk away with an even grand in profit. But the next hand was already dealt and I looked down at pocket Kings. Dummy came in for a raise to twenty as usual and I re-raised to one hundred with a mild sense of déjà vu. This time Dummy only called.
The flop came down King, Queen, 5. “All in,” Dummy said.

“What?” I wasn’t sure if I heard him wrong through his motionless lips. “You’re all-in?” Dummy nodded. I called and turned over my top set. This time Dummy shook his head as he turned over pocket 10s. The turn gave him another 10, but he was still way behind by about 40-1. The table began to murmur before the river brought the last 10 in the deck giving Dummy a four-of-a-kind.

* Excerpt from the novel Smooth Calling by Matt Kapelas

Lest we forget that Brooklyn is indeed on this wonderful and long island of ours, this month’s column (like last month’s) features some places you might want to check out in NYC’s most rapidly growing borough. See for yourself and save on parking/commuting fees too.

PETE’S CANDY STORE
709 Lorimer Street, Williamsburg
Brooklyn
http://www.petescandystore.com

While I’m not sure I know who Pete is, I’m pretty positive that his figurative snacks will charm even the most discerning palate. Take, for instance, New York’s most diverse and interesting reading series complete with appearances from indie rock stars like Sufjan Stevens and other nifty literary types. How about the Classical Candy Series, which combines the beauty of the cello (and other classical instruments) with the beast of beer? There’s something live going on just about every night in a tiny (but lovely) performance space (Is it a train car or not?) that my friend and fellow songwriter Seth Berkowitz refers to as “a dream of the 1930s.” Dig into the sweetness.

UNION POOL
484 Union Avenue, Williamsburg (south side)
Brooklyn
http://www.myspace.com/unionpool

Though probably not all it’s hyped up to be, Union Pool is still a Williamsburg staple. Because of the raucous late night atmosphere and the less than desirable overall “bar-ness” of the place, perhaps the best time of the day to visit is the summer or early fall Saturday or Sunday late afternoon when you could calmly take in the “cool-ness” of the backyard space, which is adorned, last I checked, with an odd but tasty taco truck and fire pit. The latter is said to incite Lord of the Flies-esque dances by local hipsters followed by hours posing in the photo booth. Well, not really…but the photo booth is definitely worth checking out.

UNION HALL
702 Union Street, Park Slope
Brooklyn
http://www.unionhallny.com

Prior to writing this, I wasn’t sure how to spell bocce. Prior to my first visit to Union Hall, I wasn’t sure how to play it. You, too, can be the proud beneficiary of these fine additions to your strange talent repertoire by simply visiting this down to earth yet stylish Union Hall in beautiful Park Slope. Have you been to Park Slope recently? Ever? I’m warning you…you may fall in love with the brownstone-lined neighborhood with the perfect blend of community and hipness, which happens to be an apt description for perhaps the most underrated live music venue in New York City.

A committed reader peers over the singles’ hedgerow

Dear Dr. Love,
Although I’ve been happily married for nine years, I often turn to this witty column because I get to see the other side of life. It seems so long ago that I was in the dating scene. This question has been burning me and you’re the best person to ask, so here it goes: Is the grass really greener on the other side?

We all know that the daily grind wears the luster off after a while, but I’m thinking that a lot of relationships start off all fun and then get somewhat routine. Obviously, there’s more to love than the initial fireworks, but when you’re not looking for a commitment, does that fun last a little longer? Since I feel a jingle about red chewing gum coming on, I’ll sign off and await your answer.

Sincerely,
Greener Pastures

Dear Greener Pastures,
Your email says you are happily married, but to what degree? Are you (and/or your spouse) experiencing the “seven (in your case, nine) year itch?”

And are you married with children? Should I assume yes? See, I walked in your shoes—after nine years of being married, we were blessed with three healthy and very active sons. I had no time (nor desire) to think about greener pastures.

Every relationship is different. And yes, early luster (lust) will often tarnish over time, but not always.

You need to answer one simple question: Does your spouse still make you happy? Does (s)he still make you smile (and not just in the afterglow of sex)? If the answer is yes, your grass may be greener than you think. If not, perhaps couples therapy could help you, because in divorce, everyone loses something, whether they wish to admit it or not.
For many couples, divorce is not the answer. For some couples who are unhappy where they are in life, they have come to a mutual agreement on how to resolve their marriage issues. I am unfortunately, talking about the concept of “swinging.” This is not the answer to being faithful, rather, it masks the problems you have. It certainly cannot make two people be closer to one another. Bringing in more sexual partners to a marriage will only complicate the equation. Are you willing to risk the integrity of your relationship? If I were still married, I can tell you, in no uncertain terms, that I wouldn’t gamble. The odds are against you!

As I date the “2nd Time Around,” my mantra continues to be the 80’s hit from Cyndi Lauper, “Girls (or boys) Just Want to Have Fun.” What’s yours?

I invite your comments and/or questions. Write to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Until next month, Happy Dating!

On the Island this September, there are some interesting light eats/drinks combos, restaurants that are thinking outside of the box with their specials menu and a new eatery that was the brainchild of high-class culinary leaders.

The Library Café in Farmingdale (516) 752-7678 has “Tap & App” night every Tuesday starting at 7pm. A special half-price appetizer menu, composed of twenty diverse starter plates such as Cajun Popcorn Shrimp and Remoulade Dip and Nachos Rancheros, is offered alongside $3 domestic beers on tap. The new modern American cuisine restaurant Rugosa’s in East Hampton (631) 604-1550 is having Bar Bites Wednesday through Monday from 5pm to 11pm. The menu includes Steamed Prince Edward Island Mussels by the half-pound for $7, Bluefish Rillettes for $11, and Sirloin Tartare for $13. Each can be mixed and matched with a vast selection of $8 wines-by-the-glass.

Horace & Sylvia’s in Babylon (631) 587-5081 has quite a diverse rotating price fixe ranging from $10.95-$22.95 a person from 4pm-7pm Sunday through Thursday. For example, on Thursdays, diners can go herbivore or carnivore with the “Greens and Grapes or Burger & Brew” special, with a choice of either a salad and a glass of wine or a burger with a draft beer.

Porto Vivo in Huntington (631) 385-8486 has just opened, presenting a rustic Italian grill concept within an upscale atmosphere. Executive Chef Steven Lecchi is a longtime veteran of renowned restaurants in Italy’s Tuscany region while Consulting Chef John Doherty was Executive Chef at New York’s Waldorf Astoria for 23 years. The menu’s pizzas, pastas, seafood and meats lean towards traditional Italian fare, but the beef, for example is top-quality Angus and the spirit of all the dishes is both quality and freshness.

Finally, the always-innovative Burton & Doyle Steakhouse in East Great Neck (516) 487-9200 is having a two 2lb lobsters special for $55 as well as the highly anticipated opening of their Liquid Nitrogen Below Zero Bar.

Ever since I attended the Culinary Institute and became a chef, I have always read the New York Times restaurant review. Since becoming a member of the wine industry, I look at each review and wonder why there is so little attention given to restaurants’ wine programs. Based on my memory and a sampling of recent reviews, most don’t mention the wine program at all and if they do it, it’s almost always a short sound-bite, maybe one sentence long.

Readers may have noticed that I always refer to a restaurant’s wine program, rather than wine list. Yet the wine list is all that is ever mentioned in a review. The whole program is what is important. The wine list is just that—a list. A restaurant’s wine program (and all restaurants have one, good or bad) include the following as well as the list itself—glassware, storage, service, a particular focus, staff education and knowledge. I tell the staff of all my clients that the wine program must earn the respect of the wine consumer. If all wines are treated like a $1,500 bottle of Bordeaux or Burgundy regardless of price, the guest will recognize the care and order better wines with each visit. However, if inexpensive wines are treated without respect, then even the wealthiest wine consumer won’t splurge on a pricier wine. So let’s have a look at the typical wine list sentence or paragraph found in a restaurant review.

“The wine list, better than those at older and squarer steakhouses, can nonetheless be frustrating, with too few accessibly priced reds that beckon you.” (Frank Bruni, NY Times, from a review of the Minetta Tavern in May 2009). What about the rest of the wine program? Were the glasses thick tumblers? Did anyone offer to help with recommendations? Did anyone offer to decant a younger red wine? How was the format for the wine list—legible, organized, interesting? And from my experience, a list with “too few accessibly priced reds” will often have a selection of reasonable wines that just need some kind of guidance from a wine savvy staff member. But don’t get me wrong, if a wine list and wine program needs bashing, I’m all for it. So let me take a fictional restaurant and review its wine program.

The wine program has a jumbled list that is quite hard to decipher. However, the selections, though limited, are quite interesting and priced fairly with some real bargains to be found with a bit of due diligence. The sommelier was knowledgeable and affable with smooth service technique, and offered to decant the young Burgundy I selected to increase the bouquet and complexity.

Unfortunately, the glassware was not of the level of the sommelier or the selections on the list. Some bargains included a wonderful 2004 Henri Gouges Nuits St Georges Premier Cru for a very reasonable $90 and a 2000 vintage Chapelle Puligny-Montrachet Champ Gain for $125 a bottle. Naturally, the list is heavy in Burgundy, new world Pinot Noir and Chardonnay given the cuisine. Though the sommelier was apologetic of the glasses and the list format, he did promise changes in the near future. With these exceptions, the wine program seems to fit the concept of the cuisine and restaurant in general.

Now what was so hard about that? If a restaurant reviewer can pull off such a bit, then why don’t they just bring along their own wine consultant? Hint, hint.

MIRABELLE RESTAURANT
Stony Brook
(631) 584-5999
* * * * ½

There are many excellent restaurants on Long Island—none are better than Mirabelle. That was true in St. James where Chef Guy Reuge and his wife Maria presided for a quarter of a century, and it’s equally true now at the historic Three Village Inn in Stony Brook where they captain both the casual, comfortable Mirabelle Tavern and the upscale, haute cuisine Mirabelle Restaurant. Mr. Reuge’s appealing marriage of innovation and tradition not only survived the Italian-Asian onslaught but prospered despite it.

Discrete, serene, subdued, underplayed, quiet and classy are words that come to mind in describing Mirabelle. The two dining rooms, with their fireplaces, single pink roses on each table, candles, soft lighting, appropriately relaxing music and rose colored walls, form a neutral platform that puts the focus where it should be, on the food. The ingredients here are fresh and distinctive, the presentations exquisite and the portions relatively small. While the ambiance is calm and the clientele well heeled, there is no anxious effort to impress. Servers are friendly and engaging. The food speaks for itself and always has.

The bold flavors of pan-seared foie gras meld well with fennel purée and fresh figs in an exemplary starter. Pristine raw hamachi comes with creative accompaniments like preserved lemon, olive oil, Brittany grey salt, fennel salad and an unexpected (and uninspiring) fennel-carrot shooter. Another inventive appetizer is the rich scallop crème brûlée with smoked scallop and compressed cucumber plate mates.

California farm-raised rabbit is offered three ways. This tiny, terrific trio is enhanced by its corn coulis, tomato confetti and potato confit. For a more substantial hefty helping, try the pan-roasted Painted Hill Farm beef filet with its powerful morel-Port sauce, elegant leek-potato cream and potato millefeuille that breaks apart in the mouth with feathery delicacy. Another broad-shouldered entrée is the roasted loin of lamb with interesting curried egg (in an egg shell), yogurt cilantro, savory honey glazed shallots and an unexpected eggplant tempura. Fortunately, the two-course duck Mirabelle, deservedly a favorite at the Saint James Restaurant, has made the jump to Stony Brook. It’s a moist marvel permeated with flavor. The seared breast comes with fava and coco bean ragout and shallot-Cassis marmalade while the confit of leg is paired with a ragout of corn, a Serrano ham parcel and a berry gastrique.

The respectable sorbet trio is not made at Mirabelle, but the Gateau Opera, chocolate financier cake and special of plum soufflé are. All three are winners. The layered (almond sponge cake, chocolate and coffee mousse) Gateau Opera with a delicate ganache glaze is recommended, so too is the intense chocolate financier cake, but don’t expect much more than a bite or two of this diminutive offering. The last bite of the night might have been the best as well. The plum soufflé, a fluffy, airy light concoction infused with a poured plum sauce and anchored in a platform of ripe plums, is a triumph as is Mirabelle.

BLUE SKY
Sag Harbor
(631) 725-1810

* * ½

Blue Sky, in Sag Harbor, stands squarely in the middle. It is neither a luxury spot nor a joint. It’s not the most, nor the least, expensive East End restaurant. Its Executive Chef Giuseppe Desiderio, from Capri Italy, cooks not traditional Italian fare but Mediterranean cuisine. It certainly isn’t the best nor the worst eating-place in the high-priced Hamptons area.

What is it? A jolly, upbeat, laid-back venue that replaced the long running Spinnakers on Main Street while retaining its informal spirit. Its brick wall, bare wooden floors and tables, open French windows, somewhat cramped booths, pressed tin ceiling, skylights, indoor patio, pizza oven, photos of local water scenes and whitewashed wall with nautical blue accents make it a congenial, welcoming spot. The warm, crusty bread, olive oil and hummus that greet newcomers add to Blue Sky’s warmth, and its diverse Portuguese, French, Spanish, American and, yes, Italian menu and wine list hold the interest of most diners. Service is pleasant but not polished. Runners auctioned off dishes (“Who ordered the chicken?”) and the host’s wine glass was filled first, rather than last.

Appetizers I admired were a fine, fresh seafood Martini salad boasting bits of shrimp, scallops and calamari in a tangy lemon vinaigrette and a somewhat difficult to eat, but very tasty bruschetta due of finely minced shrimp, hot peppers, rugola and pepper aioli. Tasty too were the Tzakiki baby lamb chops, but their soggy breading wasn’t a virtue and the crab cake with undressed greens, scant remoulade sauce and a spec of corn kernels called “corn salad” yielded a crab mash, not the more describable shards of crab meat.

The paella Valenciana here is one of the best versions of this Spanish specialty on the Island. It’s dense with seafood including a half lobster and plenty of clams, mussels, shrimp and non-seafood (chicken and spicy slices of chorizo), all of which is anchored in moist (not the often dried out) rice. Fanned out medallions of juicy, medium-rare Margret Farm duck breast enhanced by apple natural jus is another winner. Jumbo shrimp Tahini paired with mashed black beans and spinach salad lived up to their name, while a big, thin pounded veal chop Milanese that sprawled over the rim of its plate was a tad too dry.

There aren’t many dessert choices at Blue Sky, but most of those available are top notch. Only a scoop of tasteless, old (it was full of ice crystals) mango sorbet disappointed. A flaky peach torte, crowned with a scoop of creamy vanilla ice cream, was a sweet I’d order again as was a silken, crème brûlée. The top dessert pick is the chocolate trio, rich chocolate ice cream, chocolate mousse and a decadent brownie like chocolate cake.

A dummy, some props and a DJ

September brings two unique comedy acts to Long Island on the same weekend of September 4th and 5th. Long Island’s own Vince Dantona and his ventriloquist’s dummy George gained national attention when they were the very first winners of $10,000 on America’s Funniest People. Vince and George have been entertaining the Long Island community for decades and will be in Nassau County at Governor’s. Freddy Stone, who’s better known as the “Master of the Boston Props” invades Suffolk County with his trunk full of humor to bring laughter to McGuire’s in Bohemia. Two very funny, yet very different types of comedy.

Vince Dantona and George
Sept 4-5
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown
(516) 731-3358, govs.com

V: How long can someone live without brains George?
G: I don’t know…how old are you?
V: What are you gonna be when you get out of school?
G: I don’t know…about your age.

Freddy Stone
Sept 4-5
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia
(631) 467-5413, http://www.mcguirescomedyshows.com

I love doing weird things, I use to work at a drugstore once, but they fired me, cause I used to take the labels off the Preparation H and stick them on the Denture Grip. It was fun watching the people come in the next day for the refund, they would say things like: “You got anything for constipation? Like maybe a backhoe?” –Freddy Stone

Geno Bisconte w/ Glen Miller & Danny Lofaro
Sept 18-19, 7:30-10:30pm
Jokerz Wild Comedy Club, Plainview
(516) 830-1945, http://www.jokerzwildcomedyclub.com

If i wanna have fun I’ll run into an AA meeting with a Scotch and yell, “Here’s to you… ya friggin quitters!” —Geno Bisconte

I love walking through the mall and getting eye contact with another short guy. We give each other that whole nod of approval like we’re in some secret society. “I feel your pain brother. What do you say we grow some hair on our feet and look for a ring in a far away land.” –Danny Lofaro

DJ Hazard
Sept 25-26
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, http://www.brokeragecomedy.com

I live in an apartment building and hate running into my neighbors in the hall, especially when I’m carrying something they threw out. – DJ Hazard

I hate when I’m typing a letter and that “Paper Clip Guy” shows up on my computer screen. I hate that guy so much I grab a few paper clips, hold them up in front of the screen and say “I have your family.” – DJ Hazard

NASSAU

Who-Ville Bar & Grill
(516) 931-9296, Bethpage
http://www.whovillebarandgrill.com
Are you looking for a bar? Are you looking for a bar that’s not terribly far? A bar that is reachable by car? Well then you, yes YOU, should travel to the Ville of Who! Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Connolly Station
(516) 887-5160, Malverne
http://www.connollystationli.com
Located next to the Malverne train station, but named after a famous station in Dublin, Ireland. Enough of all this train talk—let’s drink. 25-cents wings during Monday Night Football.

Finn MacCool’s
(516) 944-3439, Port Washington
http://www.finnmaccoolsny.com
Elegant watering hole and restaurant named after a “giant, semi-mythical character from ancient Gaelic legends.” Who wouldn’t want to enjoy a drink from an establishment like that? Happy Hour 4pm to 7pm throughout the week, offering a half bar menu.

SUFFOLK

O’Murphy’s Pub
(631) 668-5005, Montauk
http://www.omurphyspub.com
Saturday karaoke continues at O’Murphy’s, even when the seasonal Montauk crowd has returned to Manhattan. That also means more Shepherd’s Pie and Lamb’s Stew for the rest of us.

Cavanaugh’s
(631) 363-2666, Blue Point
http://www.cavanaughsbluepoint.com
When a bar opens on St. Patrick’s Day (1986), it’s safe to say you’re dealing with true pub professionals. Don’t miss the recession-friendly “Burger & Bud” lunch special for $5.99.

Reese’s 1900
(631) 289-1900, Patchogue
http://www.reeses1900pub.com
Turn-of-the-century brick with dark paneled walls and an oak bar = character. Nothing like an old-style Patchogue establishment for that “lazy afternoon pint.”

When I began working full-time in the wine industry, there were sections in wine stores for organic wines and such wines proudly announced their organicness. The wines back then were referred to as: Yuk, ok for organic wine and wow this is actually good for organic wine. Cotturi Winery in Sonoma is even able to produce wines that have been highly acclaimed by the critics. The wines they produce do not have any added sulfites, which for people with severe allergic reactions to MSG and sulfites is a good thing. Note about sulfites: They increase the symptoms of asthma for about 5% of asthmatics (about .025% of the entire population). Another misperception about sulfites is that they cause headaches. Sorry, but the result of sulfites on that .025% of the population is not a headache, but rather shortness of breath and, with enough, anaphylactic shock. But wines with very low sulfites, storage needs to be perfect and even then there will be potential problems.

Organic wine production has evolved a lot since the days of Frey Vineyards and Organic Wine Works having their own section in wine stores. First off, the term organic now has many hungry governmental hands to feed in many different countries.

For those who have had bad experiences with organic wines in the past, don’t give up.

Secondly, there are many great wines that are produced organically but don’t state that fact in order to stay out of the organic section. These producers just want to be produced in the best way for the best results and find organic or biodynamic the best way to achieve this. The list of wines produced organically or biodynamically is getting longer each year. The reason for this has nothing to do with marketing but rather for the health of the vineyards and our world environment. The wine industry has a very close relationship with our environment so going organic helps in more than one way.

For those who have had bad experiences with organic wines in the past, don’t give up. Due to the laws surrounding organic and biodynamic labeling, it can be quite difficult to determine the farming practices a winery is using. I have been researching this for two of my clients, the Hamptons Wine Shoppe and The Maidstone Hotel in Easthampton. At The Living Room Restaurant in The Maidstone, the list has a notation next to each wine that it was farmed organically or a version thereof. The Hamptons Wine Shoppe can direct their customer to all the organic and biodynamically produced wines they carry.

There are some amazing wines produced with careful stewarding of their environment, some such as Domaine Leflaive in Puligny-Montrachet, Chateau de Beaucastel in Chateauneuf-du-Pape, Frog’s Leap in Napa Valley, Domaine de Montille in Volnay and Catena in Mendoza. All the above producers own all the vineyards they use for production so they have total control of their vineyard practices, while there are other producers who purchase grapes and can’t control the farming practices but do everything in an eco-friendly manner. Shafer Vineyards in Napa Valley runs their winery entirely from solar power and has been growing their vines with green methods for twenty years. But if you are looking to find the terms organic or biodynamic on any of these wine bottles, you won’t find it. Sometimes their website will talk about, often it is a matter of having an insider’s view of their farming practices. So ask your wine purveyor or sommelier.

In the late summer of the Long Island restaurant universe, drinks and ambiance are highlighted as we soak in the last of the season’s warmth. But the inaugural brew of a thoroughly local beer company marks a new beginning rather than an end.

Look for Lighthouse Ale, the first offering from the Fire Island Beer Company (fireislandbeer.com) in stores near you. Called “the other New York” by the family-run company, Fire Island’s chill ambiance was the inspiration for the beer, which is a golden to amber American style ale produced with four types of malts and three varieties of domestic hops. Distributed by industry leader Manhattan Beer, Lighthouse Ale will be available in single 12 oz. bottles, 6-packs and 15.5 gallon kegs.

Day & Night Restaurant Beach Club at the Capri Hotel in Southampton (631) 731-3099, has introduced the European practice of extended dining on Saturdays and Sundays in their chic, innovatively designed indoor/outdoor space. Transitioning from brunch to dinner, one can enjoy selections from a French American menu poolside, the raw seafood bar and seafood entrees being highlights. Another eatery with stylish digs is Mirabelle Restaurant at the Three Village Inn in Stony Brook (631) 751-0555. On Fridays starting at 9pm, they will be hosting “Tapas and ‘Tinis’” with live music, reduced-price tapas, cocktails and martinis on the patio, weather permitting. A Thursday special at The Library Cafe in Farmingdale (516) 752-7678 also features the Martini-Steak Night offering a steak dinner, two side dishes and dessert for $21.95 along with specialty martinis, such as “Jack Kerouac’s On the Road” and “Dr. Seuss’: All the Places You’ll Go.”

If you already have the scene but need gourmet food to complete the picture, Citarella of East Hampton (631) 726-3636 is now selling four-person gourmet picnic baskets. The $400 Classic Picnic Basket includes Filet Mignon, lobster salad, Camembert Cheese, chocolate cake and other dishes, while the $150 Backpack Picnic has tomato mozzarella sandwiches, seedless grapes, roast turkey bites and more.

And ending on a charitable note, the “Ladles of Love” organization will be hosting a concert and VIP food and wine tasting event, on August 3rd at Principi Farm in Amagansett (631) 267-6400 to fulfill the goal of collecting 10,000 lbs of food for local food pantries.

I sat down at a $1-2 no-limit game and dropped my last 200 bucks in chips on the table. It was the last of my bankroll and if I lost it all, I wouldn’t even have enough cash for a bus ride home, but I figured if I started losing, I would walk away before I got broke.
There was an ancient-looking man sitting to my right who looked to have over 5,000 in chips. He must have been sitting there a long time to amass that stack at such a low limit table. From the looks of him, he’d been there since the beginning of time. He moved slowly but played loose, carefully counting his chips before each bet. I was at the table for three hands and he’d won them all by forcing the other guys to fold. It looked to me like he was bluffing and just using his huge chip stack to push everyone else around.

A few hands later, Ancient raised from middle position and I looked down at pocket 9s. I called and everyone else folded. The flop came Ace, King, Jack and Ancient carefully slid out a bet of about half the pot. I had a feeling he was bluffing but with three overcards on the board, I folded without much thought or regret.

I folded the next few hands and Ancient kept betting at every pot, forcing everyone to fold. He didn’t show any of his cards, but I knew he couldn’t have it every time. He raised before the flop on every hand and when he was called, he just kept betting until the other players’ gave up on the pots.

It was the last of my bankroll and if I lost it all, I wouldn’t even have enough cash for a bus ride home,

Then Ancient limped in under the gun. My first thought was that he had a monster, either pocket Aces or Kings. I looked down at pocket 4s. I called hoping to flop a set and crack his monster pair. Everyone else folded to the big blind who checked. The flop came down King, 7, 4 with two spades. The big blind checked and Ancient checked behind him.

I could hear Mike Caro, the Mad Genius himself, yelling in my head, “When a frequent bluffer checks to you, do not bet.” I didn’t heed the advice. I had a set, put Ancient on a big pocket pair, possibly Aces and there was a possible flush draw on the board, so I had to put some money in the pot. I bet about three-quarters of the pot and the big blind folded.

Ancient took his time. He pulled out a stack of chips equal to my bet, and then lined up a raise, which amounted to about half my remaining stack. He pushed the chips out slow and sure. I immediately tossed out my entire stack and prayed he had Aces. He called instantly and showed pocket Kings for a bigger three-of-a-kind.

Neither the flop nor the river gave me my only out, the last remaining four in the deck, and I was busted. I left the table as Ancient slowly raked in my chips, the last of all the money I had to my name. I’d failed to save anything for a bus ticket, so I had to resort to an old trick and hitchhike home.

NASSAU

The Whale’s Tale
(516) 432-9587, Long Beach
awhalestale.com
With a Happy Hour that runs 11 hours (11am – 10pm), seven days per week, expect this Long Beach seafood and oyster bar to be packed tighter than a can of sardines. Zing!

Potter’s Pub
(516) 794-6698, East Meadow
pottersisasurebet.com
On-site OTB wagering with multiple tellers, multiple screens, and beer, beer, beer. Charles Bukowski would be proud.

BBQ Inc.
(516) 255-9191, Rockville Centre
bbqincrvc.com
Extensive brew and bourbon selection, and, of course, flying pigs galore! Can you really go wrong with tap offerings in mason jars and gallon jugs?

~~~

SUFFOLK

Magic’s Pub
(631) 288-6105, Westhampton Beach
magicspub.com
No tricks here—affordable dining and drafts in a comfortable, casual setting. Note: Please leave the black capes and top hats with concealed rabbits at home.

The Point Bar and Grill
(631) 668-1500, Montauk
pointbarandgrill.com
The only true sports bar in the vicinity of that semi-famous lighthouse you may have heard of once or twice. Happy Hour runs every weekday (5pm – 7pm), with half-priced drinks and appetizers.

Rowdy Hall
(631) 324-8555, East Hampton
rowdyhall.com
Drag your mates for a pint, or six, to the pub-bistro named after an Eastern Suffolk boarding house. Enjoy the brew, but drink responsibly/return home safely—squatting is not allowed.

Dear Dr. Love:

I’m a single woman in my mid-forties. I’ve been dating several men since my divorce two years ago (after 24 years of marriage). The divorced men I date claim they are looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship with a quality woman who has integrity and honesty. Well, that’s me! So I think they are full of s**t! I realize that what they say is not what they are looking for. After all the talk, most men just want a “roll in the sack” and then move on to the next “naïve victim of deceit.”
Am I attracted to the wrong men or am I misunderstanding what “dating the second time around is all about?”

Love Misunderstood,
Hicksville, NY

Dear Love Misunderstood,

Neither you nor I require a “Doctorate in Dating” to know that members of either sex will say and do what is necessary to accomplish their agenda…whatever it may be.
While I sense hostility (disappointment?) in your email, I think you need to be more personally accountable for why you are attracting, shall I say, “players.”
You’re obviously a sensitive and trusting individual seeking more than a one night stand. So don’t give it up so easy (sorry, fellas). I’ve come to realize that dating is the ability to master the art of human emotions. It is not a science with set answers.
Believe me, you’re not misunderstanding anything in your dating experiences. You’re just on a journey. Have fewer expectations and just try to enjoy it. No one man (or woman) will have it all. But if you find one who does, try to keep him or her for the long term.

Till next month, happy dating! Email your questions to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

You’re invited! My next “Dating…the 2nd Time Around” workshop is scheduled for Monday, August 10th at 7pm at Commack Public Library located at 18 Hauppauge Road. Admission is free but you must reserve a seat. Call (631) 499-0888. Bring your friends and say, “Hi.”

THE MUSIC HALL OF WILLIAMSBURG
66 North 6th Street, Williamsburg
Brooklyn
http://www.musichallofwilliamsburg.com

When I say Brooklyn, you say Williamsburg. Brooklyn! Williamsburg! Yes, the verisimilitude of this fictitious chant is indicative of the type of gravitational pull owned by the little hipster planet called Williamsburg. And if Williamsburg is the most popular orb in our urban solar system as of late, then The Music Hall is some of the finest real estate. This converted theater is little sister to Manhattan’s Bowery Ballroom and holds all the necessary ingredients—four levels, great bands, decent sound—for a stellar evening of royal stargazing. God save the king.

SOUTHPAW
125 Fifth Avenue, Park Slope
Brooklyn
http://www.spsounds.com

Once upon a time, there lived a 99-cent discount store that dreamed of something more. It had its hopes on becoming a rock club one day—but not just any little rock club. It wanted to be Brooklyn’s premier music venue bringing the whole gamut of musical genres to the once sleepy 5th Avenue strip of Park Slope. First came Cat Power. Then KRS-One. And TV on the Radio too. It even got a cool name: Southpaw. The underdog. The Rocky Balboa of the music scene. And its secret? Treat the musicians well and the audiences will come back for more…happily ever after.

GALAPAGOS ART SPACE
16 Main Street, DUMBO
Brooklyn
http://www.galapagosartspace.com

When Galapagos first opened on North Six Street in 1998, warehouses ruled Williamsburg. The funky art space with the indoor reflective mini-lake was way ahead of its time. It knew how to make an entrance then, and it knows how to make an exit now. Galapagos, with its eclectic tastes for everything in the arts, has moved to DUMBO (with lake et al) into a century-old horse stable on Main Street. And from the looks of it, the grandfather of contemporary Brooklyn culture is getting better with age, sporting new threads (made mostly of recycled steel and concrete), new friends (some of the most experimental theater, art, and music in town), and that same all-knowing bodhisattva smile unphased by upstarts and passersby.

THE CATCH
Port Jefferson (631) 642-2824
* * ½

I liked The Catch, a new seafood restaurant in Port Jefferson. You might not. If you are a genteel, dainty diner looking for white glove service, sophistication and quietude, The Catch is probably not your kettle of fish. But if you want an upbeat, seaside, seafood spot with open-air eating, water views and a menu studded with chowders, soft shell crabs, lobsters and lobster rolls, steamers, French fries, corn on the cob, cole slaw and big gooey desserts, this place is for you.

The Catch, with its upstairs open deck, picnic tables, palm plants, airy sidewalk level porch, lobster tank, dessert display and views of Port Jeff Harbor and its ferries coming and going to Connecticut, says summer. But don’t expect one of the pleasant, obliging young servers to be a polished professional who knows who ordered each dish and provides impeccable wine service. And yes, those picnic tables offer cramped seating, the music can be too loud and the upstairs (there are large indoor dining rooms) service can be very slow. But the shrimp cocktail for $10 yields six jumbos, the husky gazpacho is dense with vegetables and crabmeat, the fried soft shell crabs are tender, tasty and lightly battered, the Atlantic Cod filet crowned with black olives and tomatoes is a lively, flaky treat, and the colossal lobster roll, packed and stacked with no filler lobster meat is a lollapalooza and a bargain for $14.

When the weather cooperates, choose one of the long, shaded tables on the deck. And if the first course takes a long time to arrive, relax, it’s usually worth the wait. Montauk tuna tataki, for a modest $2, was fresh and fine, and a pound of steamers of all sizes is a good center-of-the-table starter for four. Aside from the generous shrimp cocktail and substantial bowl of gazpacho, we sampled a New England clam chowder. It was disappointing, gloppy rather than creamy and tasting more of corn than clams (there was only one in the bowl). Speaking of corn, the (Florida?) corn on the cob here, though not local (we visited in June) was unexpectedly sweet, soft and luscious. Other noteworthy sides were the hefty steak fries and broad cut cole slaw that accompanied many dishes.

The exemplary Dayboat sea scallops generate a delicate taste of the sea, yet the lobster roll that well might be the best version available on the Island was the star of the show. Its heavy pile of lobster meat overwhelms and nearly obliterates the roll it covers.

The Catch is an honest restaurant without pyrotechnics specializing in straightforward, rustic, American seafood most of which is quite good. That includes the often king-sized desserts. Try the brownie hot fudge sundae topped with sturdy house made marshmallow strips and anchored by the brownie with chocolate ice cream in between, the respectable, warm blueberry bread pudding (that could use a few more berries), the rich chocolate chip banana cream pie cradled in a chocolate cook crust and the molten dark chocolate cake. The latter has become a cliché sweet but the Catch’s luscious version illustrates why it’s on so many Island menus.

~~~

MAIDSTONE LIVING ROOM
(631) 324-5440 East Hampton
* *

The Maidstone in East Hampton has always been a classy country inn and under its new owners, C/O Hotels, it still is. Now its dining room, called The Living Room, has been given a slight Swedish spin by its Scandinavian proprietors and a slow food outlook by James Carpenter, its Executive Chef.

Physically, The Maidstone and Living Room Restaurant are lovely, eye catching venues. The bar room and lounge with their splash of colors and Swedish modern skew are especially striking. The dining room’s décor is more discrete and subtle with its brick fireplace, candles, white table cloths, gold chandelier, exotic, highly colored cloth covered chairs, window flower boxes and intricate 17th century Swedish wall paper design.

It would be over critical to quote the oft-heard comment “but you can’t eat the walls” because most of the refined food here is good. Nevertheless, there’s a kernel of truth in the observation for the surroundings seem to promise a smidgen more than the waitstaff and kitchen sometimes deliver.

Our dinners started out well with three varieties of chewy, crusty breads but only two tiny dabs of butter for four people (when we requested more, we received one additional dab). A substantial, creative, mixed salad featuring roasted beets and Valencia oranges, with pine nuts, fennel and noteworthy Mecox Bay Dairy cheese, turned out to be a very good idea as did a velvety, creamy-rich sauté of in-season forest mushrooms on a toasted brioche. But the lobster soup of the day tasted strong and fishy. Much better was the small Scandinavian inspired toast Skagen, a mélange of tender baby shrimp, large pieces of lobster, chopped dill dressing and chives on a warm toasted broche (if you like lobster rolls you’ll love this). Appetizers are priced between $9 and $18.

Among the enjoyable entrées ($24 to $36) was a hearty, healthful tangle of homemade pasta, shitake and chanterelle mushrooms, very sweet peas, pearl onions and shaved pecorino cheese, a towering, hefty Berkshire pork chop sporting a delectable maple-soy glaze with plate mates like baby carrots, roasted fennel, potato puree and apple compote and fresh, grilled Norwegian salmon festooned with fresh herbs from the restaurant’s garden and accompanied by soft crushed new potatoes, fennel and endive confit and ruby red grapefruit caper sauce (vegetables here come from the nearby Satur Farms). The much anticipated and scrumptious sounding pan-fired gravlax presented with local catapano goat cheese, baby organic greens, roasted beets and an artichoke cream would have been a great dish had the salmon cured in a salt-sugar-dill mixture been of the fresh, paper-thin variety but the chunks in the dish we received delivered a strong, overpowering taste.

Two tiny sweets and two good sized ones proved to be fine finales. The first two, a chocolate trio ($9) offered a bite or two of chocolate Mandarin sorbet, a small cup of Mocha mousse and a commendable deeply flavored chocolate hazelnut tart. Another tiny treat was the wedge of sweet goat cheese tart with a touch of ligonberry sorbet. Larger and better were the melt-in-the-mouth warm lemon pudding cake with its blueberry compote and best of all an exemplary strawberry rhubarb crisp with ginger streusel and a scoop of welcome vanilla ice cream on the plus side.

Terms like local, sustainable, organic, humane, reusable and environmentally sensitive accurately describe the Living Room’s ingredients. Yet the waitstaff at an upscale, high end emporium like this should be taught to know who ordered what dish, not to clear dishes while some diners are still eating and to clean the table between courses.

Greg Vaccarella Aug 7, 9pm,
August 8, 8&10:30pm
The Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore
(516) 781-5233, brokeragecomedy.com
My ex girlfriend was a nun for twelve years, which means that she was married to God for twelve years. And I’m the jealous type. One day she called and asked me to go to church with her and I asked, “Is He gonna be there” — Greg Vaccarella

Joe Currie 
August 7-8, 8pm
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia (631) 467-5413, mcguirescomedyshows.com
My wife asks what I would like for an anniversary present. After 12 years, I said duct tape and an alibi. —Joe Currie
The fire department says make sure your house number is visible so they can find your home in an emergency. Here’s a hint. It’s the one on fire!—Joe Currie

Harry Friedman
August 14-15
McGuire’s Comedy Club, Bohemia (631) 467-5413, mcguirescomedyshows.com
I recently went to the Guggenheim Museum. They had the strangest exhibit. They had a chair made entirely of bubble gum. I reached underneath and there was a little wooden desk. —Harry Friedman

Johnny Rizzo,Sparky, Les Degan, with host Alan Streisfeld
August 28-29, 8pm
Jokerz Wild Comedy Club, Plainview (516) 830-1945, jokerzwildcomedyclub.com
I had a sandwich in the coffee shop at Ikea. It was delicious and reasonable, but I had to assemble it.—Les Degan
It’s been a tough economy, but I just bought a house. It’s green. It’s on Marvin Gardens and I’ve got plenty of Free Parking. —Sparky

Rich Vos
Aug 29, 7:30&10pm
Governor’s Comedy Cabaret and Restaurant, Levittown (516) 731-3358, govs.com
Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out. —Rich Vos  
I went to counseling, spent $5,000 to have two women call me a loser. —Rich Vos  

by Meena Ellsbury

Very few places have such a wealth of social happenings that stepping out onto the scene, and being seen, can become a career (at the very least, part and parcel to career advancement). But as any forward thinking, fashionable person knows, socializing is an art form.

The last year has blessed our region with the addition of several chic restaurants and lounges that offer luxurious ambiance, polished crowds, exciting menus and libations and most of all, discerning maitre d’ who understand why they have the following they do and honor that at all costs. Mondays are often a good time to rejuvenate after the busy weekend and returning to work. Use the time to center yourself and prepare for the week.

Tuesday evening is the time to step out for a one-cocktail-catch-up with an old colleague or mentor. Prime Restaurant commands the most attractive corner of Huntington Bay. Whether nibbling in The Lodge, sipping gin & tonics at The Wave Bar, mingling on the patio or taking in the incomparable vistas from The Cabana Bar, the mood is consistently relaxed, the crowd is manageable and the staff is attentive.

With the US Open behind us, Carlyle on the Green has announced the return of their Party in the Park. The sprawling Carlyle patio overlooks the famed Bethpage Black, and is the perfect setting for this summer series of outdoor music. Boasting designer cocktails and light café menu, your Wednesday nights can now take on a casual, but discerning style.

By Thursday night, exquisite Limani Restaurant dignifies guests with soft, but sophisticated décor contrasting blues and whites with dark browns that creates a natural beauty that transcends to clientele, staff and every detail between. Impeccable European tastes will delight all the senses, plan for a two-cocktail conversation with friends to enjoy the full experience.

Prudent use of half-day Fridays can make that window of early evening your most productive time of the week. Speranza and Annona are geographic opposites but twins in that both are modern Italian restaurants where sipping Campari is perfectly acceptable (as is mingling across social strata).

Weekends are the Olympics of social behavior—in The Hamptons of course. The red carpets are rolled out for the region’s VIPs and our celebrity neighbors. Super Saturday, Polo at Bridgehampton and The Hamptons Classic remain afternoon favorites for some, and do draw a fair assembly of paparazzi, but the key is to judiciously attend the haute galas. Between now and Labor Day, evening events presented by Southampton Hospital, Guild Hall, Parrish Art Museum, Hamptons International Film Festival, Rush Philanthropic Art for Life (often hosted at Russell Simmons’ home), The Ross School, and Bay Street Theater all include at least one must-attend occasion. Start at one of the many Jobb’s Lane gallery openings or end the evening at Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center for cultural enrichment.

Whether these suggestions are intriguing or personal tastes sway you in another direction, maintaining good manners, keen conversation and a friendly, positive attitude cannot be compromised. The key to elegance is understanding that more is not more, and the attempt at grandeur comes off as flashy (read: tacky). “Too muchness” is to be avoided at all costs. That is to say, too much makeup, jewelry, cologne, volume (when speaking), movement (of hands, also when speaking), name dropping, drinking, display of money, self-involvement or anything that draws unnecessary attention to the person doing it is unforgivable. Fashion and elegance are not synonymous. Graciousness does not come with a price tag. It comes from within and is refined by modesty, lightness of attitude and consistent courteousness; even the correctness of a simple thank you can be undone when said in a condescending or otherwise brash tone. No matter where you go, keep in mind that Long Island is in fact not very long and social indiscretion will find you.

By definition, jokes are ridiculous. Some people love them and some people hate them, but they’ve been around forever, and will always be.

There are two groups of people at every party: The people in the huddle telling the filthy jokes and the people who are trying to remember a filthy joke so they can get in the huddle. Every joke has a “butt,” be it the husband or the Jewish mother or the blonde. For the humor to happen, someone has to “get hurt” to some extent, preferably someone else. Mel Brooks’ definitions of comedy and tragedy are: “Tragedy is when I stub my toe. Comedy is when you fall off a cliff.”

If you love jokes, or even just enjoy telling them, a few subtle dos and don’ts may make you better at it. In fifty years, I’ve learned to do these things. It’s like putting on guitar strings—after you’ve done it enough times, you eventually wind up doing it the best way. Just like Columbus, you intuitively find the best route to the Orient.

These rules pertain to the written joke as well as the spoken joke. You can use an actual name in a spoken joke but the written joke is better suited for putting in names to replace “the guy.”

Trim the Fat
Long-winded stories packed with unnecessary details droned on by people telling jokes at the bar are mainly responsible for the joke getting a bad name. Only relate what’s necessary. Playboy’s Party Jokes are a huge offender: “The sultry young lass sauntered into a nightclub, smiling broadly, and sexily asked the bartender if he could possibly…” No! Told properly, that hodgepodge translates to: “A girl walks into a bar and says to the bartender…”

Keep it Simple
Don’t ever break up dialogue. It’s, “The man says to the cop, ‘Hey, which way did that kid go?’” Not, “‘Hey,’ the man says to the cop, ‘Which way did that kid go?’” It just flows so much better that way.

Don’t use any descriptive adjectives unless it’s to distinguish one character from another. It’s, “The fat girl says,” only when it’s to distinguish her from the regular-sized girl in the joke. Or it’s, “The first worm says,” to distinguish him from the second worm in the joke. Not “the humongous porky girl” or “the slimy, dirty worm,” unless the description is necessary to the joke.

Also, locate your joke(s) in the present tense. It gives the joke an immediacy and makes it more exciting. It’s very subtle, I know, but true and absolutely necessary. And every little bit helps you. Read or listen to any of my versions of jokes. It’s always, “The barber says,” never, “The barber said.”

And Remember
Though sometimes you really can’t dodge them, do your best to not include any words from the punch line in the body of your joke. It just makes the punch line more fun.

You can scoot through most of the body of a longer joke, but always make sure you’re speaking slowly and clearly when you’re giving information that’s especially pertinent to the outcome.

And, very important, memorize the punch line. Know it well. Even say it out loud a few times so you can deliver it flawlessly with confidence and without stammering.

Obviously, after you’ve gotten your version of a joke together, you’ll never have to think about these things again. But use these guidelines when recalling a joke someone told you before you re-tell it.

Five to Remember
To remember jokes you want to tell in a series, make up a silly connector line or scenario involving the punch line of a joke and the beginning of the next one. The more absurd the connector line or the connecting scenario, the easier it’ll be to remember.

Here are five great jokes, with a short idea between each pair to aid you in remembering them in that order. The connector(s) can be longer, even a whole silly scenario that links the two. After you catch on, pick five jokes that you love to tell and create your little silly in-between tales. You’ll be shocked how well it works. And how you’ll never forget your dopey little connectors. All you need to get started is to remember how to get started. Well, I’d say if you can’t even remember the first joke, you should kill yourself. How should you do it? Go buy some cyanide…

A woman walks into a drug store and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like to buy some cyanide. I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist says, “Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law. There’s no way I can sell you cyanide.”

The woman reaches into her purse and shows the pharmacist a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

(The woman has two prescriptions in her hand: One for cyanide, and one for condoms…)

A couple has sex, and when they’re finished, the woman looks in the box of condoms and sees only six left out of twelve.

She asks, “What happened to the other five condoms?”

He says, “I, uh, made balloon animals out of them for my niece.”

That night she tells a male friend what happened, and asks, “Have you ever done that?”

He says, “Of course. All the time.”

She asks, “Really? You’ve made balloon animals out of condoms?”

He says, “Oh, no. I thought you were asking me if I’ve ever lied to my girlfriend.”

(Balloon animals…there are balloon animals on the wall with the fluffy toys, all around and in between the fluffy toys…)

A guy meets a girl in a bar and they go back to her apartment. They go into her bedroom and from left to right, floor to ceiling, there’s a whole wall full of fluffy toys. Floor to ceiling, side to side, fluffy toys everywhere, but they get it on.

When they’re done, the guy asks, “How was I?”

She says, “Take anything from the bottom shelf.”

(Lying on the bottom shelf of hairy kewpie dolls, on its side, is a ballerina doll…the drunk thinks it’s a ballerina…)

There’s a drunk at one end of a bar and a woman in a tight low-cut black dress at the other end of the bar. The woman’s waving feverishly for the bartender and she’s got an incredibly hairy armpit.

The drunk says, “Gimme a drink, and buy one for the ballerina over there.”

The bartender asks, “How do you know she’s a ballerina?”

The drunk says, “Who else could get her leg up that high?”

(Her leg is up in the air, like a train gate that’s up…he’s buying a train ticket…)

A guy goes to buy a train ticket, and the girl selling tickets has an incredible set of jugs.

He says, “Give me two pickets to Titsburgh…umm…I mean, two tickets for Pittsburgh.”

He’s really embarrassed and the guy in line behind him says, “Relax pal, we all make slips like that. Just the other day at breakfast I meant to say to my wife, ‘Please pass the sugar,’ but I accidentally said, ‘You annoying bitch, you wrecked my life.’”
So now you’ve got ammunition. You’ve got a string of five great jokes. Learn them. And go over the connectors—it’s simple. When you want more jokes, email me (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)) and get on The JokeLand email list, I’ll send you free jokes a few times a month.

Head writer of the world-renowned Howard Stern Show from 1986-2001, Jackie Martling will be starring with The Frank Vignola Trio & Ian Karr in JokeLand on Broadway at the Iridium, home of guitar legend Les Paul, 51st & Broadway (NYC), Wednesdays at 9pm.

No summer is complete without at least one trip to The Hamptons where you can se and be seen among, well, the scene. This sampling of social functions, dining and nightlife will remind you why the traffic is worth it.

Artists and Writers Charity Softball Game (61st Annual)
August 15, 3pm
Herrick Park, East Hampton
(631) 725-1294
artistswritersgame.com
Will benefit East End Hospice, East Hampton Day Care Center and Phoenix House.

Concerts on the Green
August 3, 10, 17, 24, 31, 6-8pm
Montauk Green
(631) 668-2428
montaukchamber.com

Hampton Classic Horse Show (34th Annual)
August 23-30
Snake Hollow Road, Bridgehampton
(631) 537-3177
hamptonclassic.com

House and Garden Tour (6th Annual)
July 17, 11am-4pm
Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center
(631) 288-1500
whbpac.org
Tours of spectacular homes and properties in the villages and hamlets of Remsenburg, Westhampton Beach & Quogue. Tour and lunch: $100; tour only: $75.

July Fourth Parade
July 4, 12pm
Main Street, Southampton Village
(631) 283-1623
southamptonchamber.com

Mary O. Fritchie Outdoor Juried Art Show (37th Annual)
August 1-2, 10am
Westhampton Beach Village Green
(631) 288-3337
whbcc.org

The South Fork Craftsmen Guild’s Fine Arts & Craft Shows
June 20-21
Miss Amelia’s Cottage, Amagansett
July 11
St. Mark’s Church, Westhampton Beach
(631) 726-0402
southforkcrafts.com

Shinnecock Indian Powwow (63rd Annual)
Sept 4-7
Shinnecock Indian Reservation, Southampton
(631) 283-6143
shinnecocknation.com
A traditional Native American ceremony with crafts, food, music, raffles and prizes.

~~~

Hamptons Dining

ANNONA
Westhampton Beach, (631) 288-7766

The sleek, sophisticated, Annona, in Westhampton Beach is an elegant, upscale, fine dining spot, with its subdued lighting, waterfall, cool jazz, wall of candles in cubby holes and curved bar.  Its outdoor deck provides a contemporary aura similar to that at fashionable East Side restaurants.  Add Daniel Ross-Leutwyler and Brian Leth, two creative young chefs, and you have one of the very best restaurants on the Island.
The overall excellence and artfully-presented modern Italian dishes here might come as an unexpected surprise to those diners who have heard Annona is perched atop an auto dealership near the railroad tracks.  But take a second look.  The restaurant has a quiet, palatial feel and the automobile dealer is Manhattan Motorcars of the Hamptons, more an art gallery filled with $100,000 to $350,000 Lamborghinis, Bentleys, Ferraris and Rolls-Royces than a showroom.
The food, too, is of Rolls Royce quality.  It’s full-flavored front of the month fare, created by chefs who aren’t playing it safe, who know how to craft flavor sparks without explosives. 
Adventurous eaters will appreciate both the blending of local ingredients with Mediterranean-touched contemporary Italian dishes and the house made breads, pastas, rice, sorbets and gelatos here.

~~~

ALMONCELLO
East Hampton, (631) 329-6700

Almoncello, a sophisticated, northern Italian restaurant in East Hampton, is almost as noteworthy for what it’s not as for what it is.  It is not a garden-variety pasta and pizza red sauce spot.  Instead, executive chef, co-owner Jason Weiner and John O’Connell, his chef de cuisine, turned what was Almondito, a flashy Latino restaurant, into an ambitious destination eating place for the East End fooderati.
Those in an adventurous mood will no doubt target the likes of scallop carpaccio and pomegranate grapefruit granita, crisp leeks and artisinal olive oil as well as short ribs goulash with escarole, polenta and smoked paprika.
Owned by Eric Lemonides and Jason Weiner, the same partners who operate the deservedly-popular Almond French Bistro in Bridgehampton, Almoncello is smaller and cozier than its predecessor.  Its fireplace, candles, well-spaced paper over cloth tables, wall of wine and rows of wine bottles on shelves over its windows make it a mellow milieu.  Welcome too is an attitude without an overanxious effort to impress.  There’s no pretense at this former VFW Hall that has housed many a restaurant prior to the present occupant.  Fortunately at this one, the kitchen never upstages the quality ingredients it uses.

~~~

Hamptons Nightlife

21 Water, Sag Harbor
(631) 725-7500
twentyonewater.com

668–The Gig Shack, Montauk
(631) 668-2727
668thegigshack.com

Boardy Barn, Hampton Bays
(631) 728-9733
boardybarn.com

Buckley’s Irish Pub, Southampton
(631) 283-4316
buckleysirishpub.com

Fiddler’s Cove Pub, East Hampton
(631) 329-7577

Lily Pond, East Hampton
(631) 907-2790

Nick’s, Montauk
(631) 668-4800
nicksmontauk.com

The Star Room, Wainscott
(631) 537-3332
thestarroom.com

Stephen Talkhouse, Amagansett
(631) 267-3117
stephentalkhouse.com

Southampton Publick House, Southampton
(631) 283-2800
publick.com

The Surf Club, Westhampton Beach
(631) 998-3167
hamptonssurfclub.com

~american~

1789 Restaurant
4 Old Jericho Turnpike, Jericho 516-935-6400

New American menu brings culinary
excellence to guests. Specialty dishes
include crusted Ahi Tuna and Filet Mignon
with cheese fondue. The restaurant combines
contemporary cuisine with old world charm.
Breakfast / Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   Alfresco Dining   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Bob’s Place
230 Jericho Turnpike, Floral Park 516-354-8185

Bob’s offers eclectic, contemporary New American
cuisine with style and unpretentious hospitality, combined
with a New York City aesthetic. Open for lunch and dinner
Tuesday through Saturday, and Brunch on Sunday.
Breakfast / Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Ben’s Kosher Deli
8 locations
http://www.bensdeli.net

Ben’s Kosher Delicatessen Restaurant & Caterers
is a spacious, comfortable family eatery offering
homemade soups, fresh salads, the finest authentic
New York delicatessen sandwiches and much more.
Eat in, take out or have Ben’s cater your next party.
Breakfast / Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Family   Average Entrée Price $=0-19

Collins & Main
100 Old South Main St, Sayville 631-563-0805

This is Sayville’s culinary crossroads: elegant,
inviting dining and a chic, relaxed lounge.
Entrées include Strozzapreti pasta with grilled chicken
and sautéed shrimp, mahi mahi, braised short rib,
stuffed lobster tail and rack of lamb.
Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   Alfresco Dining   Romantic Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Horace and Sylvia’s
100 Deer Park Ave, Babylon 631-587-5081

This eatery has the cozy ambiance of the Publick Houses
of yore but with innovative, modern American and European
cuisine. Also, the wine list is extensive and uniquely nuanced.
They are open for lunch and dinner. horaceandsylvia.com
Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   Alfresco Dining  

Vittorio’s
184 Broadway, Amityville 631-264-3333

Vittorio’s offers elegant bistro-trattoria style dining with a unique
blend of authentic Italian dishes and American specialties
accompanied by an extensive wine list with over 80 wines by the
glass. Catering also available.
Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Family /Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

~barbeque~

Bobbique
70 W. Main St, Patchogue 631-447-7744

This is the real deal BBQ joint featuring “blues, bourbon and beer.”
This is a place where Harley Hunks and Greg Brady share a platter
of some of the finest BBQ in the East and kick back any of over 70
featured ice cold beers.
Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   Family   Average Entrée Price $=0-19

Fatty Beltbuckles
49 Rt. 25A, Rocky Point 631-403-4056

This BBQ spot is dedicated to authenticity. Fatty Beltbuckles smokes
all of its meats and concocts its original BBQ sauce on premises,
whether burgers, ribs, wings, or steaks, this is the place where meat
meets smoke. fattybeltbuckle.com
Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Music   Family Average Entrée Price $=0-19

~bar & grill~

Champion’s Sports Bar & Grill
101 James Doolittle Blvd, Uniondale 516-229-5039

The place for good food, good sports and good times. Enjoy all of your
favorite sports action on our 33 flat screen TVs and select from our
variety of menu items including burgers, salads, wings appetizers and more. 
Breakfast/Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Average Entree Price $=0-19

Post Office Cafe
130 West Main St, Babylon 631-669-9224

This really was a post office! Not too far from Argyle Park, it’s a haven
for good times. Open for lunch and dinner, have some famous
buffalo wings, before getting to the goods. 
Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Music   Family   Average Entree Price $=0-19

O’Reilly’s Restaurant & Pub
927A Montauk Hwy, Oakdale 631-472-4200

O’Reilly’s is a real meat and potatoes establishment with pub
ambiance. Open from lunchtime to late night, go in and enjoy
their burgers, steaks and Irish food specials along with select
brews and live music. http://www.oreillys.biz
Breakfast / Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Music   Family   Average Entrée Price $=0-19

~eclectic~

The Grill Room
160 Adams Ave, Hauppauge 631-436-7330

The Grill Room: Dine on New American fare in an ambient,
candle-lit setting.  Sip a creative cocktail at the sexy bar.
Celebrate a special ocassion, complete with live jazz on the
weekends, or stop by for the prix-fixe menu, a great value
available six days a week.
Lunch Dinner Latenight Bar Music AlfrescoDining Family /Romantic Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Meritage
14 Station Rd, Bellport
631-286-3300

Like the name indicates, this eatery is a blend of great things:
fusion cuisine, global wine list, warm and well-decorated atmosphere
and an exciting draw of patrons. Live jazz and great food make this
the place to go with friends, family or a date.
Dinner   Bar   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

~italian~

Avino’s Italian Table      
108 S. Country Rd, Bellport 631-803-6416

Nestled in Bellport Village is this 1850s farmhouse transformed into
a modern Italian eatery. Try the three-meat lasagna, “Nana’s Pasta Bowl”,
Cod Panzanella or Gorgonzola Crusted Filet Mignon. The cuisine is
accompanied by a fine wine list. avinostable.com.
Breakfast / Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   AlfrescoDining Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Jonathan’s Ristorante  
15 Wall Street, Huntington 631-549-0055

An intimate dining room, award-winning wine list and creative Italian
cuisine, make Jonathan’s a must in Huntington. Lunch and dinner are
offered along with a small bites bar menu for a lighter meal.­­­­­
Lunch   Dinner   AlfrescoDining   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Nick & Toni’s
136 N. Main St, E. Hampton 631-324-3550

The best-known restaurant in the Hamptons frequented by celebrities
and locals alike. Eclectic Mediterranean cuisine offers diners a menu
with creative flavors. Simple Tuscan décor with a huge mosaic tile
covered woodburning stove.
Lunch   Dinner   AlfrescoDining   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Palio
399 Jericho Tpke, Jericho 516-433-9100

New contemporary Italian restaurant is environmentally responsible,
using mostly organic and local ingredients.  Dishes change to highlight
seasonal cuisine with extensive wine selections from Italian and American
regions. palioristorante.com
Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Ruvo Restaurant
105 Wynn Lane, Pt. Jefferson
& 63 Broadway, Greenlawn PJ 631-476-3800 GL 631-261-7700

They strive to produce the freshest country Italian cuisine with flair. 
Ruvo highlights Long Island and fine Italian imported food & wine. 
Rooted in traditional family recipes, they explore current trends to
create an enjoyable and memorable experience.
Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   AlfrescoDining   Family /Romantic   Average Entrée Price$$=20-35

~seafood~

The Chowder Bar
123 Maple Avenue, Bay Shore 631-665-9859

Just across from the Fire Island ferries is this quintessential eatery,
providing fresh food, renowned soups and friendly service.
Their­­ motto is “once you’ve nibbled, we’ll have you hooked.”
Come in for cozy, quaint dining at a casual cost.
Lunch   Dinner   Family   Average Entrée Price $=0-19

Cool Fish
6800 Jericho Tpke, Syosset 516-921-3250

A globally inspired mix of contemporary cuisine. Chef extraordinaire
and new author Tom Shaudel continues to wow diners with his superb
food in this beautifully designed and dramatically lit setting. http://www.tomschaudel.com
Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Music   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

H2O Seafood Grill
215 W. Main St, Smithtown 631-361-6464

H2O Seafood Grill declares itself to be the “gathering place for the top of the food chain.”
Delectable seafood dishes, sexy cocktails, a vibrant atmosphere
and friendly, knowledgeable service set the tone for the restaurant.
Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Music   AlfrescoDining   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Prime Season’s Restaurant
101 James Doolittle Blvd, Uniondale 516-229-5039

Enjoy our unlimited breakfast buffet each morning or join us for dinner Tuesday through Saturday and sample our menu featuring seafood, steaks and much more!
Breakfast/Brunch   Dinner   Family/Romantic   Average Entree Price $$=20-35

~steakhouse~

Burton & Doyle Steakhouse
661 Northern Blvd, E Great Neck 516-487-9200

When it comes to steakhouses, Burton & Doyle is a rare treat.
Serving the finest prime dry-aged steaks and mouthwatering seafood and sushi.
Backed by an award winning wine list and luxurious décor.
Dinner   AlfrescoDining   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$$=36&up

Morton’s The Steakhouse
777 Northern Blvd, Great Neck 516-498-2950

Morton’s, The Steakhouse specializes in classic, hearty, fare, serving up
generous portions of USDA prime aged beef, succulent seafood,
an extensive wine list, and excellent service.
Dinner   Bar   Average Entrée Price $$$=36&up

Porters on the Lane
19 Bellport Ln, Bellport 631-803-6067

Newly renovated in the space formerly occupied by the Bellport Chowder House,
Porters on the Lane serves succulent steaks and innovative, modern seafood dishes.
They will be conducting cooking lessons as well. portersonthelane.com
Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

~waterfront~

Fatfish Wine Bar & Bistro
28 Cottage Ave, Bayshore 631-666-2899

Their new Waterside Wine Bar features over 25 wines by the glass,
complimented with a delectable Tapas menu.  Seafood, chops and
creative salads are enhanced with the wonderful flavors of the Mediterranean.
Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   AlfrescoDining   Family /Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Gulf Coast Kitchen  
32 Star Island Rd, Montauk
631-668-3100

The Gulf Coast Kitchen at the Montauk Yacht Club combines the best
of what Montauk has to offer with a southern coastal twist. 
Enjoy waterfront dining views, drinks al fresco and a comfort food menu
influenced by classic Cajun, Cuban, Mexican
Breakfast / Brunch Lunch Dinner Latenight Bar Music AlfrescoDining Family /Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Prime        
117 New York Ave, Huntington
631-385-1515

Spectacular, waterfront, topped off with exceptional service
and a menu to match. Sushi, seafood, prime steaks and chops,
creative cocktails and a spectacular wine room. The views are breathtaking. Come by boat.
Breakfast / Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Latenight   Bar   Music   AlfrescoDining   Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

Snapper Inn  
Waterfront Restaurant
500 Shore Drive, Oakdale
631-589-0248

With magnificent riverside views the Snapper Inn offers an opulent ambiance
that few island venues can match.  The menu is highlighted by a diverse
selection of seafood delights and upscale American cuisine favorites. thesnapperinn.com
Breakfast / Brunch   Lunch   Dinner   Bar   Music   AlfrescoDining   Family /Romantic   Average Entrée Price $$=20-35

I had never even thought about folding pocket Aces before the Flop in no-limit hold ‘em. Until one day, I folded them twice in the same tournament, both before the Flop and both being the correct play.

I was playing in a satellite tournament in which the top three finishers were paid a seat to a 10k buy-in World Poker Tour-type tournament the next day. Since first place and third place paid the same amount, it wasn’t necessary to win the entire tournament, only finish higher than fourth.

On the very first hand, I was in the big blind and a crazy player went all-in from early position. I had played with him before, seen him do the exact same play, and was sure he did it just to set the tone and make everyone think he was crazy, which he was. Before I looked at my cards, I told myself I would fold anything but pocket Aces or Kings. No need to risk my entire stack on the first hand. When two players behind him called his bet, I told myself I’d fold anything, even Aces. Imagine my surprise when the action came to me and I looked down at those aforementioned rockets. Of course I had the best hand at the time, but against three other players, there was too much of a chance I would lose. I decided to fold and bit my lip as I did it.

The players all turned over their cards. Ace-Queen for Crazy Guy, pocket Jacks for the first caller and Pocket Kings for the second caller. The flop came down Queen, Queen, Queen, and both Pocket Jacks and Kings walked away from the table before the Turn and the River were even dealt.

The tournament went on and I built my stack slowly, only needing to win a few decent-sized pots and a bunch of small ones. When I reached the final table, I was a solid second in chips, with Crazy Guy way ahead of me and the other seven players trailing far behind me with short stacks. Crazy Guy went all-in almost every hand. The only times he didn’t were when someone raised before he had the chance. He stole blind after blind and I promised myself I would fold anything if I were in a pot against him.

When two players behind him called his bet, I told myself I’d fold anything, even Aces.

Crazy Guy got called a few times by the short stacks. Once he actually had a big hand and took out the short stack, but most of the time, he was pushing with nothing and sucked out in the end. He ran the table down to four players with only one more left before the remaining three would win seats to the big one.

I was on the button when Crazy Guy went all-in yet again. A short stack called and I looked down at two black Aces. I didn’t even hesitate to throw them in the muck, surprising even myself. I had resigned to stay out of every pot and hope Crazy Guy got lucky enough to take everyone out. Crazy Guy turned over Jack-Queen of spades and the caller turned over two red Aces.

“Hey, that’s what I had,” I said.

“What?!” the caller exclaimed. “And you folded? How do you fold Aces before the flop?”

I looked at him without responding. The flop came down all low cards, but all spades—Crazy Guy flopped a flush and the caller had no spades and no outs as I’d folded the Ace of spades. He walked away mumbling about what an idiot I was, and even though the River was another spade and I would have won the pot, he finished fourth and I won my seat without risking a single chip in the hand.

For the last twenty years, I have attended many wine tastings. During this time, some wine trends have lasted, while others have thankfully gone away. Wine coolers are no longer cool, White Merlot didn’t last long and now the trend of poorly made wines is being pushed in the same direction. Why am I upset about this? Well, before, my life as a wine consultant and wine buyer was much easier. I’d go to a tasting and find twenty percent of the wines acceptable, twenty percent very good and the rest had distinct flaws. Those flaws were as varied as under-ripe fruit characters, too much oak, too little or too much acidity, too much alcohol, too light in the mid-palate, too short of a finish and so on. Wines still exist with these and other problems, but the ratio of acceptable and very good wines has increased dramatically in the past ten years or so. This trend can be blamed on the wine critic Robert Parker Jr. and the World Wide Web.
Let’s first take Robert Parker to the mat for this travesty. Mr. Parker began his wine journalism as a hobby and with time, he and his readers turned his publication and rating system into the gold standard of wine. But more than just giving consumers a guide to the best wines and the best wine values, his musings about wine have changed the industry dramatically. At one time, wine was just a status beverage—order the most expensive wine on the list and impress your friends. While Mr. Parker was gaining attention from the consumers, the producers realized that this “American Wine Critic” was not going away, and they began to take steps to increase quality in order to get “Parker Points.” Some feel his influence has been so great that wine has become homogenized, but all in all, his influence on the wine industry has been great.
Now with all Parker has done with criticism, the Internet has magnified his influence—first with the many wine blogs and even his own website getting his musings and scores out, then with the vineyard and wine production information flowing freely on the web. With wine, change can be slow—a winemaker from Chile travels to a winery in New Zealand and learns a new technique in the winery to increase the quality of his wines, but now he needs to wait another year to experiment the new technique. Then the new technique might need a bit of adjustment for the grape or climate, so there goes another vintage. The evolution can take many years. But today, with the Internet, a winemaker can combine a visit to another wine region with all the great versions of content found on the web—pictures, video feeds, live video conferences, etc. This along with the advent of two growing seasons has greatly improved the wine production learning curve. This great convergence of knowledge will only continue and wine will keep getting better in all kinds of places.

Hi Dr. Love,
I must say I really enjoy reading your column, especially “Is He Married?” It sounds like you have experienced a lot and you are very truthful in giving out advice. My question to you today is what is the best way to approach women? I am 6’3, 235 lbs, single, 31-year-old personal trainer from Long Island. My job involves a lot of face to face interaction and I find that when I approach women, they are either intimidated by my size or the way I approach them. If you can shed some light on what are the best ways to approach a woman, especially at work.
Sincerely,
Long Island personal trainer

Dear PT from Long Island,
Thanks for your kind words about my column. Experience aside, I must admit, that just like you, I’m still a work in progress.
Your question is an interesting one. You see, without even trying, (being 6’3”, 235 lbs) you do come across as physically intimidating. But do you realize that women can be equally as intimidating to men? They may have a face or figure so beautiful, so striking, that men are afraid to even approach while other women are envious or jealous. Even intelligence or a higher level of education or a better paying job/career puts a member of the opposite sex in an awkward position. See my point?
My advice to you? Ask management to provide you and the other trainers with a button (or shirt) which says something like “Ask me, I’m here to help.” And both in and out of the gym, emphasize what kind of friendly, giving, person you are. Always smile!
Learn to speak in complimentary phrases (Have a great day, I like your outfit, etc). If your encounter establishes an honest communication, you’ll know it in a matter of minutes. If not, keep smiling and move on.
Readers, it’s summer, take things light and relaxed! Send your questions to me via email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Until next month, happy dating to all!

MERCURY LOUNGE
217 East Houston Street, Lower East Side
mercuryloungenyc.com

Although it’s been around for quite some time now, The Mercury Lounge is the baby—the youngest child, if you will—of the NYC event production behemoth called The Bowery Presents. These folks are responsible for putting together the shows at most of the major larger venues in the metropolitan area, everything from The Bowery Ballroom to Madison Square Garden. They use The Mercury Lounge, which seems crowded with more than a hundred people in attendance, mostly for artists who are on the rise or veterans whose fan base has remained small but strong. Evenings at The Mercury Lounge always exude a nubile sexiness, especially when the weather is warm and the corner of Houston and A is lit up with rock stars and their muses with the metaphoric top down.

BOWERY BALLROOM
6 Delancey Street, Lower East Side
boweryballroom.com
Hanging in the waiting room/cocktail lounge/bar area here is a little like Christmas Eve. You’re present, sure, but you’re really excited for what’s next, what’s inside the box. And at The Bowery Ballroom when the doors open to the 550-person main space, you’re usually not disappointed. It’s a great place to experience live music. The gigantic curtains tied back exude authenticity (A true ballroom? A true stage? On Delancey?), while whatever is happening and relevant in the modern music paradigm blazes through the sound system. Head for the balcony for a bird’s eye view and a seat if the authenticity of standing room only floor space is not the thing for you.

THE BLENDER THEATER
127 East 23rd Street, Gramercy Park
blendertheater.com
A bit roomier than The Bowery Ballroom, The Blender Theater likes choices. There are 499 seats for you to choose from—none assigned—and a sizable floor space for listening, standing, photographing, chatting, socializing, or whatever else you can think of doing during a concert. This movie theater/art house-turned-concert hall can light up your imagination with interesting architecture and eclectic performances. And on certain nights when the music’s really good, you can almost see the screen drop back down and the opening credits roll out. Will music always be the conduit to the film of our lives?

Outdoor dining is in full swing at restaurants across the Island with the coming of agreeable temperatures. Eateries are featuring surf and/or turf specials to augment this pleasant milieu.

To enjoy unabashed luxury, go to Burton & Doyle Steakhouse in Great Neck (516) 487-9200. They are featuring the legendary high-end Wagyu Beef on their regular menu as a sirloin from Kobe, Japan and Strube Ranch USA, and as a Ribeye from Sher Farms, Australia. Bring the “turf” selections home for dad with steaks from Vittorio’s Restaurant and Wine Bar in Amityville (631) 264-3333. Chef John Ringle has created packages with five cuts of USDA prime beef, dry-aged in-house, with instructions for cooking and heating along with an apron and chef hat. The Father’s Day Home Steak BBQ Kit serves 4-5 people and costs $150 plus tax.

Diving into the surf, the Riverview Restaurant in Oakdale (631) 589-2694 is having a special menu at its Canvasback Grill and Outdoor Patio, open for lunch and dinner 7 days a week. It features its own “Canvasback Seafood Sampler,” which contains lobster, seared tuna, littleneck clams, oysters, lump crab, shrimp cocktail, with an array of sauces for $41. The Grill Room in Hauppauge (631) 436-7330 is offering some innovative seafood selections in its three-course price fixe dinner for $25.95 from Monday to Saturday from 5-6:30pm. Appetizers include fried calamari with a jalapeno gastrique, marinara sauce, and lemon, and entrées include hazelnut dusted Tilapia with orange risotto, asparagus and brown butter. Finally, the newly opened The Catch in Port Jefferson (631) 64CATCH is offering a seafood bounty with their $14-$28 entrees. Selections include crab cakes, live lobster, LI style charcoal grilled whole fish such as Atlantic striped bass and royal porgy and Long Island blue claw crabs by the dozen.

But if you want to combine foods from land and sea, check out Indian Cove Restaurant & Marina’s $25 three-course price fixe, which features “The Ultimate Italian Surf and Turf”, containing filet mignon meatballs, Roma tomatoes, fresh mozzarella parmigiana and shrimp scampi.

MIRABELLE TAVERN
(631) 751-0555, Stony Brook

* * *

“It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s Superman.” That famous cartoon character’s mantra came to mind recently while eating at the relatively new
Mirabelle Tavern at the Three Village Inn in Stony Brook. It’s French, it’s American, it’s a tavern, a pub, a gastropub, it’s Mirabelle and it’s rather good. Guy Reuge, one of Long Island’s few truly great chefs and his wife Maria, who successfully ran Mirabelle in St. James for twenty-five years, have taken their act on the road and moved it into the historic Three Village Inn. There they operate not one but two Mirabelle’s—the Tavern and the more formal Mirabelle restaurant.
Mr. Reuge, who has won every conceivable culinary award in both Europe and the United States, has taken more than the name Mirabelle with him to his new digs. His skill is evident in nearly every dish and the digs or atmosphere don’t hurt a bit either. The Mirabelle Tavern is a warm, woodsy place with beamed ceilings, a stone fireplace, antique gold-rimmed lantern lighting, bottle-glass windows, plenty of candles, bouquets and china cabinet displays of show plates and kerosene lamps. Think New England/colonial. Its prices are moderate, its bread (sourdough and cornbread) is good and its menu features American and European comfort food. Everything from an all American, outstanding chicken pot pie to a very French beef bourguignon. That menu also offers small plates starting at seven dollars, trilogy plates (all good things come in three) and classic plates or full-sized entrées.
A recent meal began with a basket of stacked, stubby zuchinni fritters and chick pea fries sparked by pimento aioli, homemade garlic sausage that meshes complementary big flavors like bacon, onions and a green lentil ragout, and flammkuchen or a delicate thin crusted, white pizza covered with crème fresh, studded with smoky bacon and capped by a swirl of onions. Perhaps best of all was the organic egg cocotte served in a small, iron casserole. It’s a parmesan cream wonder with an egg yoke at its center, roasted tomato and a side of rustic, grilled bread. Salmon lovers should gravitate to the trilogy plate that features gravlax, pastrami and smoked versions of the fish garnished with cucumber soba salad. There were two minor miscues among the entrées—the tougher than usual sliced steak in the steak frites and four, somewhat chewy, lamb chops that were ordered medium rare and arrived sushi rare. The crabcake was dense with crab meat, not filler, that chicken pot pie was rich and rewarding, and the accompaniments with the tasty lamb chops (eggplant cavier, miso roasted eggplant and preserved lemon caper-gremolata) and with the steak frites (French fries, sauteed garlic spinach and a creative Maxwell’s 1890 sauce) made those dishes worthwhile as well.
The Franco-American meal was topped off with sweets like an intense chocolate mousse cake with chocolate fudge sauce, a noteworthy ginger almond tart, a respectable crème brûlée and sensational profiteroles, fluffy cream puffs stuffed with vanilla ice cream and served with a tiny pitcher of warm chocolate sauce.

CREW KITCHEN & BAR
(631) 549-3338, Huntington

* *

“Any Long Island Restaurant that doesn’t change after five or ten years is making a bad mistake,” so said a veteran and successful local chef/owner. OK, it’s not 100% correct; there are restaurants that are twenty, twenty-five and thirty years old and still much the same as they were on opening day. But there is a great deal of truth in the statement. Obviously the people at Aix en Provence believed it and on February 1st changed their decade-old restaurant with a French name and many Italian dishes into Crew Kitchen & Bar. It’s a change for the better.
Crew is a neat, nifty, nautical nook across the street from Huntington Harbor. This almost waterfront spot is appropriately-decorated in bold blue and white with nautical photos, padded multi-colored seats, a striking sunburst mirror, candle lanterns on each table and drop lighting over the bar. Crew’s crew is much the same as its predecessor. The Hauser’s still own it as well as Barney’s in Nassau County and Gene Defreitas is still the kitchen commander. But the menu bears no resemblance to Aix en Provence. Although not every dish is a home run and the service is sometimes less than silken, Crew goes in the right direction most of the time.
Warm popovers and good crisp rolls launch meals on a positive course. They are followed by soft, plump, baby back ribs with a subtle passion fruit glaze, a fresh watercress salad with noteworthy raspberry vinaigrette and a lively mix of Brie, apples and candied walnuts. Warm, light, comforting steamed buns filled with duck confit and accompanied by thick hoisin sauce and a batch of pickled fennel also scored. Fat, baked, blue point oysters passed muster though their preserved tapioca pearls, leaks and Tasso ham detracted somewhat from the shellfish’s delicate flavor.
Main events included a creative tandoori fried chicken enhanced by its coconut rice and pickled mangos, and heralded by an aromatic whiff from its curry sauce. Good too was a homey open-faced pulled pork pot pie, but it needed more pulled pork and fewer potatoes, parsnips and soy beans to make it a real success. Excellent, flaky wild salmon, cooked medium-rare as it should be, was a better choice and one that was made more interesting by its black rice, delicate shaved celery and porcini mushrooms. A non-traditional tiger prawn and scallop cassoulet should probably walk the plank. Its undercooked beans were harder than they should have been and while its prawn, scallops and sausage were first-class, the dish simply doesn’t mesh. Indeed the ingredients seemed as though they didn’t come together in the cooking, but were assembled just before the serving.
One mediocre and three fine sweets concluded the meal. Although the lemon brioche was a completely undistinguished blob, the smooth lemon grass pana cotta with a chocolate ganache was a revelation, the intense, flowerless chocolate cake is one of the better ones around and the candied, orange custard cake was an airy, light treat.
Crew is a good restaurant with room for improvement. The earnest, agreeable service needs polish. We were asked twice to order dessert after we had already ordered it. The wine list needs to reflect what’s on hand. On a Saturday night, we ordered two white wines, neither of which was available and the dining room could use some sound-proofing, porous material to moderate the ear splitting noise that ricochets off the walls on busy weekend nights. Yet, all of these missteps are easily correctable and don’t materially detract from the fact that Crew is sailing in the right direction.

Stand Up Comedy Open Mic Nights

After celebrating my 43rd birthday at a comedy club, my friends didn’t want to go home after the show so we went to the bar for a few cocktails. The comedians that evening, Paul Bond and Leighann Lord, were at the bar when I approached them and said, “Being a comedian doesn’t seem that hard to do.” Paul replied, “Oh, you think so. Would you like to try it?” I shook my head and he mentioned that some of the clubs have comedy classes or, if I wanted, there were a few open mics I could try. The following week, I called and registered with Stand Up University. (StandUpUniversity.com) and for the next eight Monday nights, the class met with instructors Peter Bales, Rich Walker and Steve Lazarus where I learned the art of stand up comedy. On May 3rd 1999, at the class graduation, I gave my first stand up performance.

I never thought I would be still performing ten years later until I found out that I could use comedy in a way to help other people in need. In 2000, after performing only three times, I convinced former NYPD star John DiResta to headline a comedy benefit show for the Thomas Elsasser fund for widows and children of FDNY members that die outside the line of duty. That first show raised over $7,500 for the fund and I have been doing it every year since. In the past ten years, I have performed hundreds of shows for such notable charities as The Make a Wish Foundation, The Elijia School for Autism, Gilda’s House and even perform for the cancer patients at Sloan Kettering a few times a year. For me that’s what comedy is all about; for you it might be different. The only way to know is to get off the couch and give it a try. Here are a few ongoing open mics around the Island. If you have any questions feel free to email me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and I’ll be glad to help. Keep ‘em laughing

Fin’s Pub
Oakdale
Mondays, 7:30pm
comedyatfins.com, (631) 645-5152

Oysterman’s Restaurant
Sayville
Every other Tuesday
(631) 645-5152

Smoke Stax
Hicksville
Second and Fourth Tuesday of every month, 8pm
Sign up at 7:30pm, show starts at 8pm
.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Cost: $5 (one-third of all money collected will be raffled off to one of the performing comics.

Callahan’s
East Meadow
Last Thursday of every month, 7pm
(516) 542-0723

No Limits Bar
Hicksville
First Saturday of every month
(516) 305-7072

Chesterfields
Huntington
Thursdays, 8:30pm
(631) 425-1457

Martha Clara Vineyards
Riverhead
Tuesdays, 7pm
(631) 298-0075
marthaclaravineyards.com