Jan 20—Feb 18
Mercury is in a state of post-retrograde from the 1st to the 3rd, so the effects of last month’s chaos still lingers. Communication is screwy, so double check your phone before you text: If ever there was a time to accidentally message the person you’re talking bad about … this is it. If you don’t have something nice to say, just come sit by me.
March 21—April 19
After July’s drama-filled finale, you may be feeling a little emotionally bruised and battered. Luckily, the full moon on the 20th helps to ease your pain … no co-pay needed. It ushers in the winds of change, ensuring that a stressful situation at work blows over by the 27th. Go ahead, stash your umbrella deep in the closet: Your own personal rainy season is finally over.
June 21—July 22
Luckily, Mercury has decided to take a month-long trip … which means you get a vacation from the insanity that it brings when it goes retrograde. This break from cosmic chaos is the best time to step outside your comfort zone – so try saying “yes” when you’d rather say “no” to a new opportunity (so long as it’s legal) on the 17th.
Dec 22—Jan 19
You’ve probably seen your sign represented by a goat, but did you get a good look at its hindquarters? Here’s a hint: They’re fins! (And you thought you had trouble finding a bathing suit.) You flourish in the summer months, so get thee to the beach whenever possible. The sand and surf will also be the perfect anecdote for what ails you on the 17th and 18th.
May 21—June 20
If ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ was written by an astrologer, it might have been called ‘The Sixth House.’ Why? Well, for one it sounds ominous and sexy … but it’s also the house that rules health. Saturn is shacked up in yours until 2015, forcing you to focus seriously on physical and mental health. Your body is a temple – and it’s officially time to stop building on additions with potato chips.
July 23—Aug 22
You may as well change your middle name to “Know-It-All” when Mercury enters on the 8th, ‘cause it makes your ego bigger than Giada De Laurentiis’ head. Since you’re a natural leader, you already command attention -- but there’s a fine line between ‘respect’ and ‘resentment.’ Keep that in mind on the 19th, in the boardroom and the bedroom.
Sept 23—Oct 22
As you glide ahead in the ocean of life, the Full Sturgeon Moon on the 20th is the slipstream that helps propel you forward. Things have been so manic lately that you haven’t had time to stop and smell the seaweed. Take a minute to appreciate all that has changed – and then, as the great scholar Dory from “Finding Nemo” said … just keep swimming.
Feb 19—March 20
Since it’s a quiet month astrologically, you need to take matters into your own fins and shake things up – your house of finances excluded. Your credit cards already getting so much action that it might leave you to seek a career in the adult film industry. Resist the urge to spend frivolously on the 26th and save your pennies for a bigger purchase you may not want … but definitely need.
Nov 22—Dec 21
The half-man, half-horse of the cosmos (that’s you, Sag) is typically considered very positive – so why the long face? An argument late last month smudged up your rose-colored glasses, but clarity will be reinstated on the 19th. You’ll need to be the bigger person … and grab yourself an after-pride-swallowing mint.
Oct 23—Nov 21
The new moon on the 6th is a welcome visitor after a summer fraught with unexpected changes. It’s the astrological equivalent of a juice cleanse, offering you the fresh start (hold the pressed greens and frantic bathroom runs) you’ve been waiting for. By the 10th, your heart and your head will feel much less troubled – and you’ll be ready to love just as intensely as before.
April 20—May 20
Patience is a virtue that few people have – but the sun’s entrance on the 23rd is certainly worth the wait. During your golden period you’ll be feeling healthier than ever (and more specifically, you’ll get a respite from stomach issues). There will also be less grumbling in your relationships, as everything settles into place under the glow of the central star.
Aug 23—Sept 22
If the cosmos could offer nervous Virgos a Xanax, it would … but instead, it sends a more herbal remedy: The sun. You’ll feel gloriously relaxed on the 24th, so take the weekend to finally do something that’s just for you. It’s “necessary self-maintenance,” if anyone asks.