Jan 20—Feb 18
(January 20—February 18)
Well what do you know, the new or “Otter People” moon occurs in the Aquarius position on February 13. Ancient horoscope legend has it that on this day, you get very, very adorable and feel a sudden desire to dine on crayfish. You also become gullible and believe everything your astrologer says. In all seriousness, it’s your luckiest day of the month. You really otter try and enjoy it.
March 21—April 19
(March 21—April 19)
You’re a ram, we get it. You’re eager to lock horns, to climb a mountain, to… do other things rams enjoy. Hate to break it to you, but the next few months are going to be boring. But as always, the cosmos have a plan. June ushers in a period of new beginnings so major, you need these quiet months as preparation. Excited? Good.
June 21—July 22
(June 21—July 22)
Nothing interesting (planet-wise) is happening in your sign. But don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s me. Oh I can’t coddle you forever—it’s totally you. The solar eclipse on January 15th shook up your world and dumped out a tired, blah Cancer. Too pooped to perk? Just look at the stars. They’ve aligned into a shape that’s trying to tell you something. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… a treadmill! Hit the gym. It’ll put the spring back into your step.
Dec 22—Jan 19
(December 22—January 19)
Poor Pluto. It’s the god of the underworld, so no one ever invites it anywhere. Second, it was stripped of its planetary status a while back and is now the second largest “dwarf-planet” in the sky. It (and its insecurities) are in your sign this Valentine's Day, so welcome it with open arms. While it doesn’t have any arrows, it’s about to shoot a ton of romance your way. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, after all.
May 21—June 20
(May 21—June 20)
The 1st through the 3rd is a shadowy time when Mercury can’t decide whether to torment or treasure you. Here’s an idea: Channel artist Louis le Brocquy and use this “grey period” as a time to get really creative, focused and productive. Another tip? Avoid painting a portrait that you then name “A Family.” The bro’s already got that one pretty well covered.
July 23—Aug 22
(July 23—August 22)
This month, love is in the air. (And in every single store in the mall.) Oh, and for Leos, so is Mars. Yep, the god of war is in your sign, waiting to melt your box of chocolates. But deep down, even the nastiest planets are capable of love. After all, Mars is red.
Sept 23—Oct 22
(September 23—October 22)
I forgot to tell you something in December. And since it was a double issue, I sorta forgot in January, too. Saturn moved into your sign on the 29th and it’s going to hang out until April. Break out your scale, ‘cause now’s the time to get the balancing act of your life in order. Your goal? To successfully walk the tightrope between quality time with your friends and your significant other. (Goal part II: Look awesome in a leotard.)
Feb 19—March 20
(February 19—March 20)
Did you feel the Earth move on January 17th? On that day, Carole King silently started to rock your world. Just kidding, it was Jupiter. From now until June, your sign is undergoing changes so big, they’re astrological. You’ve got three planets passing in and out of your sign, so every day is an adventure.
Nov 22—Dec 21
(November 22—December 21)
There are no erratic days ahead this month, since Mercury is in a calm place. (Guess it took up yoga.) Good news for most signs, bad news for a centaur-like creature with a human head, a panther head and wings. You obviously don’t mind mixing things up, so this relative calm makes you kinda nervous. We dare you—go on, jump in two heads first.
Oct 23—Nov 21
(October 23—November 21)
Void of course moon—the scary time when the moon is between signs and you are not allowed to make any sudden movements. It’s nature’s way of making life a little more interesting. For Scorps, this happens on Feb 4 from 4:27am to 11:56 am. Ouch, a Thursday. May we suggest you work from home until lunchtime? And by “home” we mean “bed.” And by “bed” we mean “under the covers.” Not that we’re really worried, of course.
April 20—May 20
(April 20—May 20)
Did you know your sign is no longer aligned with its constellation? Some (like, um, scholars and scientists) blame something called the “precession of the equinoxes,” but I’d like to offer a second option: You’ve been a jerk! Sure you’re a bull, but acting bullish is just so predictable. No wonder the stars ditched you. Better get your act together before your friends and family do, too.
Aug 23—Sept 22
(August 23—September 22)
Looks like someone in the cosmos likes you, because this month you have an extremely short void of
course moon. Try to lay low from 3:15pm to 7:52pm on the 27th, when the moon is between signs and looking to throw your life off a cliff. Make like a couch potatoe and veg out. (Good one, huh.)