Horoscopes December 2011

  • Aquarius

    Jan 20—Feb 18

    (January 20—February 18)
    “The truth will set you free,” Gloria Steinem once said. “But first, it will piss you off.” You can trust your fellow Aquarians—especially when you get some disturbing news on the 20th. You’ll be tempted to diffuse a friend’s bombshell, but unfortunately, that’s not an easy fix. With Venus, goddess of love and beauty in your sign, you may be tempted to hug it out. This is one battle you need to fight with words—and not the kind you’d ever want to see on a candy heart.

  • Aries

    March 21—April 19

    (March 21—April 19)
    The Farmer’s Almanac doesn’t call this month’s full moon the Cold Moon or Long Snow Moon for nothing. As the temperature dips dramatically and the LIE starts to ice over, you’ll need to resist the urge to follow suit. You’ve been giving a friend the chilly shoulder since a fight last month, and if you continue at this rate, that relationship may never thaw. On the 24th, give yourself permission to forgive and forget. Gloves can help your cold hands this winter. But a cold heart? There’s no accessory to deal with that.

  • Cancer

    June 21—July 22

    (June 21—July 22)
    In the casino of life, an eclipse is a wild card. All bets are off during the lunar eclipse on the 10th—so all you can truly do is let the chips fall where they may. The thing about an eclipse is that no matter what tone the news takes—good, bad, upsetting or enlightening—it will propel you forward so you’ll be in a different, much better spot by the end of the month and the start of the new year. This is honestly one of those “blessing in disguise” kinda things...so I mustache you to please be patient. (And be on the lookout for fake noses.)

  • Capricorn

    Dec 22—Jan 19

    (December 22—January 19)
    Ah, the winter solstice. The calendar’s reminder that it is officially inappropriate to wear your two-piece in public. But, of course, if the 22nd just marked the first day of winter/the shortest day and longest night, centuries of cultures may not have been so interested in it. It’s the day’s incredible energy that has mystified us for ages, and since it falls in your sign, you’ll really feel the buzz. During this time of great focus, zero in on your relationships. From the 21st to the 23rd, you’ll have an uncanny ability to see far beyond what’s right in front of you. And that just might make up for having to ditch your bikini. ?

  • Gemini

    May 21—June 20

    (May 21—June 20)
    The final eclipse of 2011 falls on the 10th, but you’ll feel its effects two days before and long after it occurs. Eclipses are the catalyst for beginnings and endings, especially when it comes to relationships. If you’re hosting festivities at your home, make sure you’re committed to everyone you invited before you get all Martha Stewart and make place settings out of enchanting pinecones and tiny golden paper scrolls. Santa may have his naughty/nice lists set, but you may be surprised by who ends up on yours.

  • Leo

    July 23—Aug 22

    (July 23—August 22)
    Nobody’s quite sure what December did to tick off Mercury, but it must have been something pretty bad. (Like, worse than de-friending on Facebook.) Mercury goes retrograde on the 1st and gets more erratic from the 11th-20th. Though this is a month full of land mines, you’ll want to step extra carefully the first 2.5 weeks. And since any project you start or finish will need to be redone when the planet leaves, keep an eye on your hands—and make sure they remain idle.

  • Libra

    Sept 23—Oct 22

    (September 23—October 22)
    The ringed planet enjoys testing every sign it enters—and let’s just say you’re not exactly the teacher’s pet on the 18th. Saturn views you as over-romantic and tries to widen any cracks that may exist between you and a significant other. Remember: The No. 2 pencil is mightier than the sword. If you’re secure with your partner, you can simply write this meddling planet off. Suddenly a second-guessing Susan? They don’t make erasers for nothing..

  • Pices

    Feb 19—March 20

    (February 19—March 20)
    In the second quarter moon (Dec. 2), the lunar light is growing stronger, and so are you. After a major victory last month, you’re still Hulking out at work (ie: dominating, not ripping your shirt off—unless you have seriously casual Fridays) and you’re about to reap even more benefits. When the green starts to flow, resist the urge to get greedy. Nobody likes you when you’re angry...or selfish.

  • Sagittarius

    Nov 22—Dec 21

    (November 22—December 21)
    This year’s winter solstice falls on the 22nd, and its effects have been celebrated (ie: get drunk, kill a wren, sprinkle goat’s blood...endless options, really) since the Pulse was being carved in stone. While every culture has different customs, they nearly all include some sort of illumination. That’s because the shortest day of the year with the most hours of darkness is more than just a calendar turning point—it’s a chance for us to finally light our own way.

  • Scorpio

    Oct 23—Nov 21

    (October 23—November 21)
    With no planets getting their diva on and a very short void of course moon, you’re in for a pretty drama-free month, Scorp. (Just walk the other way if you see Mariah Carey.) Still, no one is safe from the wrath of Mercury, especially when it goes retrograde. Be sure not to sign anything from the 9th to the 20th, as the planet’s backwards movement means all verbal and written negotiations will go slightly bonkers. It’s pretty hard to sign on the dotted line when the dots have rolled into rehab.

  • Taurus

    April 20—May 20

    (April 20—May 20)
    Uranus is sort of like the steroid of the cosmos...but it hasn’t been made illegal yet. It speeds up events in your life and propels you to Big Mac feats (the baseballer, not the burger) from the 9th to the 10th. Since the planet’s focus is individuality, you’ll feel an urge to stand up for yourself in a situation where you usually fade into the background. On the 11th, be prepared to step away from the wall and straight onto the center stage of your life. Just try to slow down enough to bask in your success.

  • Virgo

    Aug 23—Sept 22

    (August 23—September 22)
    Try not to take it too personally, but when Mars—the fiery planet of passions—is in your sign, it’s not exactly singing Marvin Gaye. The only feeling Mars is trying to hold back is how much it wants you to start focusing on details and succeeding at work. So when it enters all businesslike on the 5th, channel your energy and expect things to skyrocket in the boardroom. As far as the bedroom is concerned, well...now you’re making Mars blush!