Horoscopes March 2011

  • Aquarius

    Jan 20—Feb 18

    (January 20—February 18)
    Venus and Neptune are in your sign, which can get a little confusing if you’re not prepared. Let’s break this down. Venus = lust. Neptune = deception. Combine them and you’ll find yourself in a college dorm room of relationship drama. From the 26th on, beware any new romances. Single? Wait until April 2nd to update your Facebook relationship status. Married? Don’t mistake an office attraction for love. That’s not a water cooler you want to sip from.

  • Aries

    March 21—April 19

    (March 21—April 19)
    Rarely does everyone in a given sign feel the exact same impact of planets and aspects. But until the 11th, all Aries will experience a new beginning. Broad, I know. But that’s really all the planets want to share. A less cryptic update? The spring equinox, when there is equal parts daylight and darkness, occurs on the 20th. The equinox is a time to seek balance, so get rid of that friend who makes you feel unstable and (attention, ladies…and men, if that’s what you’re into) those high heels you can’t stand in.

  • Cancer

    June 21—July 22

    (June 21—July 22)
    There’s no major planetary movement in your sign this month, but don’t worry—it’s not you, it’s astrology. March is a relatively quiet month, until the 16th. That’s when Mercury casts its shadows over all signs—holy chaos, Batman. So you’ve got two options: Drown in drama or be your own life raft. You’ve been painfully let down by a friend (or if your birthday is on the 22nd, by an ex) but you’ve got what it takes to float back to the surface. Take a deep breath and paddle forward.

  • Capricorn

    Dec 22—Jan 19

    (December 22—January 19)
    Instead of putting March under a microscope, let’s break out the binoculars and survey a greater area. Pluto’s been knocking around in your sign since 2008 and intends to stay until 2023. Sounds like a long time, until you consider that the “Great Renewer” is all about making a meaningful, lasting transformation. Unlike all those ads for face cream, this kind of change doesn’t happen overnight. Meet the planet halfway and tweak one aspect of your routine on the 14th. Oh, and don’t forget to take off the binoculars. The neighbors may get nervous.

  • Gemini

    May 21—June 20

    (May 21—June 20)
    Since the moon has yet to figure out how to do the time warp, it does spend a while traveling between signs. That’s called “void of course moon” and if it had a soundtrack, it would be all dark and scary like Jaws. The VOCM can be a few minutes, hours or days of chaos, depending upon your sign. Circle the 11th and write “12:26-12:31 am.” That’s your time to lay low and try not to break into a sweaty panic. So if you’re a night owl, take a birdy sedative. ? ?

  • Leo

    July 23—Aug 22

    (July 23—August 22)
    Remember that thing that came before your computer’s inbox? It
    has a little flag and the mailman seems really interested in it? It’s rare that you get anything super exciting there, but interesting news is coming around the 15th of the month. (Sorry guys, I’m not talking about the Victoria’s Secret catalogue.) As with most things, there’s a catch. If you don’t look closely, you might miss it. Life changing opportunities don’t come in bright red envelopes after all. ? ?

  • Libra

    Sept 23—Oct 22

    (September 23—October 22)
    Saturn is the astrological equivalent of the Energizer bunny—it’s full steam ahead until something literally knocks it over. When the focused planet enters your sign on the 18th, you’ll feel an urge to complete an unfinished project that usually seems daunting. This sense of responsibility also influences your friendship sector. Now is a particularly good time to rekindle things with an on-again/off-again pal. Go out for coffee. And maybe a slice of carrot cake.

  • Pices

    Feb 19—March 20

    (February 19—March 20)
    Prepare to have a spring in your step and a glimmer in your eye. (Consider it a planetary makeover.) Venus visits your sign on the 29th and the only baggage it brings is a whole lot of beauty, harmony and balance. But note: Chiron’s also staying in your astrological guest bedroom. I know, you’re expecting him to be the bad guy because you watch too many movies. In reality—or at least Greek mythology—he’s this awesome, intelligent centaur. The bottom line? March is madness for some, but fabulous for you.

  • Sagittarius

    Nov 22—Dec 21

    (November 22—December 21)
    Mercury has a tough time getting a date. Really, it’s not a bad guy at all. In Roman mythology, it was the messenger of the Gods, so it got a bad rap. And it can’t really help the fact that when it goes retrograde, it hurls all the planets into upheaval and chaos. You’ve got some bad habits too, I bet. Still, when it reverses on the 30th (fact: Mercury rules over Wednesday) all H-E-double hockey sticks breaks lose. Do yourself a favor and stay home, and try not to touch anything or make sudden movements. ?

  • Scorpio

    Oct 23—Nov 21

    (October 23—November 21)
    You know that saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I am not really too intelligent, am I?” Well that isn’t exactly it, but the sentiment is dead on. You set yourself up for disappointment when you think that “this time,” a person who has always brought two scoops of crazy to your life will dish out anything else. Whether it’s with a text or a face-to-face meeting (which I’ll discourage), you must end this spin cycle by the 10th. Digging up the past just gets your hands all dirty.

  • Taurus

    April 20—May 20

    (April 20—May 20)
    You know what they say about people who don’t put their foot down? “Wow, is that person actually hovering? 2011 is really the future.” Seriously though, when the calendar struck March, the planets decided it was officially time for you to quit being a doormat. Wipe that “Welcome” off your forehead and stand up for yourself. (Also, you’ve got a little dirt right, yeah, right there.) When you speak up on the 15th, you’ll be surprised how loud your voice is.

  • Virgo

    Aug 23—Sept 22

    (August 23—September 22)
    Just as the moon pulls the tides in and out, it too can tug at people. Representative of home and the need for nurture, you may feel an almost-insatiable desire to be around family on the 19th, when the moon is at its fullest and brightest. A sudden wave of insecurity or fear may wash over you. But don’t fret—that’s to be expected. Seek out friends who stabilize you or do something you take comfort in. And for your waist’s sake, make sure you’re not within arm’s length of cheesecake.