Horoscopes September 2011

  • Aquarius

    Jan 20—Feb 18

    Bellicose mercury isn’t in your sign this month, but the drama king of the cosmos still tries to assert his rule. From the 9th to the 11th, don’t be surprised if you’re a bit edgy and quick to snap. Still, pick your fights carefully, as someone unexpected will come in handy later this month. Now’s not the time to give in to emotions and give everyone a piece of your mind. In fact, try to keep all parts of your head (and keep an eye on your marbles while you’re at it) until at least the 15th. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

  • Aries

    March 21—April 19

    Spontaneity and Aries mix about as well as oil and water, so it’s important to know when the Void of Course Moon is on its way. During the time when the moon is off course and between signs, anything you plan will get unplanned, and anything you do will come undone. And not just once, either. It’s like cosmic Groundhog Day. So on the 12th from 9:45pm to 2:49am, avoid everything that’s more trying than tying your shoes. (Aries, meet Velcro. Velcro, meet Aries.)

  • Cancer

    June 21—July 22

    The moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie with some pretty insane toppings on the 20th. Oh, and I took the liberty of ordering you two scoops of crazy for dessert. Keep anxiety at bay when you’re asked to take on a big project at work and relish the extra responsibility. Prove you’re indispensable on the 22nd and soon enough, you’ll really be rolling in the dough.

  • Capricorn

    Dec 22—Jan 19

    Pluto, ruler of power (and the misuse of it) barrels in from the 17th to the 18th. You’ll find it necessary to be extra assertive at work; the way you handle a complicated and trying situation can help you move up (or down) the corporate ladder. Pluto is willing to give you the cosmic boost you need, but you’re the one who must actually do the climbing. If you’re up for the challenge, your bank account will benefit—and you’ll have some really nicely defined calves.

  • Gemini

    May 21—June 20

    With no major planetary movements in your sign, you’re free to prep for the first ten days of the month and the fallout thereafter. As Mercury waves in and out during this shadowy, erratic period, a friend, family member or romantic partner you trust may throw you for a loop. If you catch someone in a lie, don’t be so quick to forgive and forget. See, even the littlest, whitest fibs are like mice—where there’s one, there’s usually a dozen more lying in wait. Let just one squeak by and next thing you know you’ll be overrun...and cheeseless.

  • Leo

    July 23—Aug 22

    Mars wreaks havoc in some signs, but it seems to have an affinity for you, little lion. It makes a showy entrance on the 23rd, energizing you and shining a spotlight on the ”goals” section of your life. You’ll feel ready to take up a challenge you swept aside last month and you’ll accomplish it with gusto. Success is your new black, Leo. Wear it well and wear it often.

  • Libra

    Sept 23—Oct 22

    Big doings in your sign this month, Libs. The fall equinox falls in your sign on the 22nd, marking the—sniff, sniff—end of summer. Bid your bikinis and beach days adieu and get excited for what autumn has in store. You’re at the top of your game at work and your love life is about to follow suit. Attached? The 28th will be significant for you and your partner in a way you won’t expect. Single? You’re about to fall in love with someone older. (Yes, I went there.)

  • Pices

    Feb 19—March 20

    The full moon in Pisces is an incredibly potent combination, so don’t be surprised if you feel a surge of power on the 12th. Called the Corn Moon or the Harvest Moon, it appears bigger and brighter because it’s close to the autumnal equinox. While you may not look different, your powers of perception—and some even say your innate psychic ability—peak and you’ll see more clearly than ever before. When the wool’s pulled off your eyes, you’ll realize who you need to banish from your life.

  • Sagittarius

    Nov 22—Dec 21

    Like the second quarter moon that falls in your sign, you’re strong and growing ever brighter. The 4th ushers in a golden period of growth, during which you’ll find your voice and use it. On or within four days of the 10th, your superiors will notice your striking change. At times, you allowed yourself to be a doormat at work, but now anyone who tries to step on you is in for a rude awakening. The only “Welcome” you’re putting out has “To My World” after it in not-so-fine print.

  • Scorpio

    Oct 23—Nov 21

    The 1st was the month’s most erratic, stressful day—so if you survived (if you’re reading this, you did), you can take on anything the world has to offer. And that’s a good thing, because September has quite a lot in store. A troubling conversation with a pal around the 11th might leave you second-guessing your relationship. S/he may ask you for a favor you’re not comfortable with and it’s important to say no. You may be partners in proverbial friendship crime, but you don’t want to be an accomplice in this real-life situation.

  • Taurus

    April 20—May 20

    What people forget about your bullish sign is that Mr. Horns is pictured not smashing around a china shop, but laying down in a pasture. How’s that for false advertising? When calm Jupiter enters on the 22nd, it chills every zodiac out—and you’re already so relaxed, you make yellow look un-mellow. Use this quiet month to focus on finances and by the 29th, an opportunity to see green will arrive. Snatch it quickly! That pasture can’t pay for landscaping itself, you know.

  • Virgo

    Aug 23—Sept 22

    With logical Mercury in your sign from the 8th to the 9th, you’re apt to sweat the small stuff and focus on the really tiny picture. There’s nothing wrong with attention to detail, except on the 14th, when you must think big. A relationship is about to get complicated and you’ll need to look at it as a novel, not a bunch of separate chapters. Before you close the book, be sure you’ve read it all.