Horoscopes September 2012

  • Aquarius

    Jan 20—Feb 18

    JAN 20 - FEB 18:
    With no major planetary action in your sign (and since Mercury has decided not to go all Single White Planet this month), there’s not a hell of a lot happening for water carriers. After your tumultuous summer, the calm ocean of September will be a nice change from the choppy mess of August. The 24th may be slightly chaotic thanks to the void of course moon, but you’re pretty much in the clear. Go on and carry a whole lot of water as far as you want—there’s no sloshing ahead.

  • Aries

    March 21—April 19

    MAR 21 - APR 19:
    When the September full harvest moon falls in your sign on the 30th, you’ll feel an overwhelming desire to listen to Neil Young and consider trying some mind-altering drugs. The cosmos have seriously fantastic things planned, so put down the acid and reach for astrology instead. It’s your time to shine, but because the full moon a’ rises so close to month’s end, the majority of your good luck is waiting right over yonder in October. Until then, sit tight and daydream about dancin’ in the light.

  • Cancer

    June 21—July 22

    JUN 21 - JUL 22:
    Loving Cancer is easy because you have Venus around this month. Oh sor-ry, you thought you were suddenly a total stud muffin or, uh, babe biscotti? Your hair is in great shape, but it’s the Roman goddess of love and beauty that has you turning heads on the 3rd. You’re far from vain, so take this opportunity to feel pretty damn good. Yes, this horoscope is all about you.

  • Capricorn

    Dec 22—Jan 19

    DEC 22 - JAN 19:
    There’s nothing more hopeful than the second quarter moon; did you know that, Capricorn? There may not be songs written about it or children bidding it goodnight, but it’s a positive time of increasing moonlight. If it were capable of drinking milk, this moon would always have a nearly full glass. It’s a torch of hope being passed your way on the 22nd, and you could certainly use it after a tough August. Go ahead, grab it and hold on tight.

  • Gemini

    May 21—June 20

    MAY 21 - JUN 20:
    You’ve heard the phrase “You get the love you think you deserve,” right? Well, same goes for luck, so you’d better hitch your wagon to a trailer full of kismet, or you could skip the U-Haul and wait till Lady L rides in with Jupiter on the 20th. Their entrance will hit you like a ton of bricks, but fear not, because of this blessing-a-palooza, you won’t even break a tooth.

  • Leo

    July 23—Aug 22

    JUL 23 - AUG 22:
    Hate to say this, but Venus is two-timing you and hangin’ with Cancer, too. Luckily it seems more interested in lions than crab (although with the right dip...) because it’s in your sign on the 6th, 7th, 12-13th, 20th and 27th. Since you’re already focused on relationships, Venus helps you balance your strong, dueling desires to make loved-ones happy without forgetting yourself in the process. Prepare to feel a real lightness of being—and don’t hold anything against Cancer, k?

  • Libra

    Sept 23—Oct 22

    SEP 23 - OCT 22:
    During the fall equinox on the 22nd, day and night are almost equal in length—but you’re certainly feeling different. The summer wasn’t particularly easy on your wallet or heart, but with the sun in your sign everything is looking a lot brighter. Ever the Libra, you spend far more time thinking about a situation than actually experiencing it. As the great Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Take a peek outside, Libra. That big world is yours for the taking.

  • Pices

    Feb 19—March 20

    FEB 19 - MAR 20:
    As a gas giant, Neptune didn’t have that many friends growing up. Thankfully, the anti-bullying campaigns put a stop to most of the hate and it’s ready to hang with you from the 7th through the end of the month. With Neptune around, you’re a bit more quiet and reserved, but this period of introspection will bring a lot to your life. Take a minute to sit back and survey your surroundings, it’s a great reminder of just how much you’ve got.

  • Sagittarius

    Nov 22—Dec 21

    NOV 22 - DEC 21:
    You’re probably so used to hearing about the lunacy of Mercury in retrograde that you have no idea what happens when it’s standing still. Well, the answer to that is...nothing. And in this case, a state of nothingness is like getting a free gift with purchase. September is chock-full of luck for all you archers, and there’s not a single cosmic catch or stumbling block ahead this month. If you end up in a rough spot, it will be entirely of your own making—so do yourself a favor and relinquish that control you relish and just let life happen.

  • Scorpio

    Oct 23—Nov 21

    OCT 23 - NOV 21:
    Mischievous Mars loves a challenge, and it knows fiery, mercurial Scorpios are always ready for a good one. You’ll feel energized and empowered when it enters on the 16th, but beware of this newfound security. If unchecked, Mars (and you, fierce one) can get a little out of control. Do yourself a favor and don’t tempt fate at work on the 18th or overindulge at a friend’s party on the 22nd. You’re very attractive, but you just don’t have the bone structure to pull off a lampshade.

  • Taurus

    April 20—May 20

    APR 20 - MAY 20:
    Have I mentioned, like, every month now that Jupiter is still in your sign? It’s a stage-five clinger with no plans to detach until December 25th, so you may as well buy it some matching footy pjs. Fortunately Jupiter brings out the best in you, attracting luck without taking any scary risks. You’re extremely grounded and levelheaded this month, so put those clear eyes and that full heart to good use.

  • Virgo

    Aug 23—Sept 22

    AUG 23 - SEP 22:
    You stroll on the practical side of the street, so it is no wonder Mercury, the planet of communication, wants to hold your hand this month. Your cosmic walking buddy allows you to make more effective decisions at work on the 1st through the 5th and helps you realize when a coworker attempts to pull the wool over your eyes, before it even happens, on the 8th. (Hint: It’s when someone suddenly pulls some wool over your eyes.)

sydney levin

Sydney Levin is an extremely attractive writer living in New York City. She enjoys noodles and sloths, although not in that order.