• Aquarius

    Jan 20—Feb 18

    (January 20—February 18)
    Get a whiff of that? It’s the sweet smell of calm. (Yes, I smell emotion. I am magic.) Usually, Mercury goes retrograde each month, and I can smell your fear as you wonder, “Can I handle all that’s being thrown at me?” Well, June’s a lucky time because Mercury’s taking a break from terrorizing you—and that means you’ll have less plates to juggle. (And less pieces to pick up.)

  • Aries

    March 21—April 19

    (March 21—April 19)
    All planetary action is important, but Jupiter’s presence on the 6th is an extra big deal, as it signals a “large new beginning” for you. The cosmos is cloudy at the moment and I cannot tell exactly what realm this fresh start will occur in. The potentially frustrating news is that it might not become clear to you, either, until September. Patience isn’t your strong suit, but it’s a virtue for a reason.

  • Cancer

    June 21—July 22

    (June 21—July 22)
    Ask a scientist about the Summer Solstice on June 21 and s/he will give you a lot of mumbo-jumbo about the Earth’s axial tilt and how the Sun will “stand still in the sky.” That sounds terrifying, so I choose to believe that s/he is lying. Listen here: The S.S. is actually a special time when the Sun dances into Cancer and fills your love tank to the brim. You’ll be seeing hearts by the 23rd.

  • Capricorn

    Dec 22—Jan 19

    (December 22—January 19)
    Holy horoscopes! The partial lunar eclipse and full moon fall in your sign on the 26th. It will apparently usher in massive changes for the universe. And on a smaller (although no less important) scale, for your little world, my dear Capricorn. Illumination is the word of the week, as the moon’s rays bring to light a lie and a truth that will shake you to your core.

  • Gemini

    May 21—June 20

    (May 21—June 20)
    Most planets enter a sign like Kramer in Seinfeld—they don’t knock and they usually weren’t invited. Still, you sort of love ‘em after a while (as long as they don’t hurl racially insensitive slurs at you.) I digress. Mercury barges in on the 9th and only sticks around until the 10th, just long enough to throw one of your most important friendships out of whack. But unlike TV, things may not resolve themselves by the commercial break.

  • Leo

    July 23—Aug 22

    (July 23—August 22)
    The atmospheric pressure at Venus’ surface is 92 times greater than Earth’s. And when it enters your sign on the 14th, you’ll feel just that: Pressure. Unfortunately, it comes from all angles—a co-worker, a family member (especially someone who lives out-of-state), even your dog will seem more demanding. Help yourself and delegate some of your many tasks. Oh, and tell ol’ Fido to take himself for a walk.

  • Libra

    Sept 23—Oct 22

    (September 23—October 22)
    Some wannabe writer Billy Shakespeare once scribbled a phrase that you should adopt as your mantra-of-the-month: “to thine own self, be true.” You’re the scale sign, so you should be a champion balancer, but instead you let the problems of others weigh you down. The result? Total disregard for your thoughts and feelings. On the 15th, it will be especially important to put yourself first. You’ll see why.

  • Pices

    Feb 19—March 20

    (February 19—March 20)
    Your life has been changing slowly since January 17th, but in such small increments that you probably haven’t even noticed. Well, there’s nothing slight about the massive shift you’ll feel from the 1st to the 4th, as this period of metamorphosis comes to a not-so-subtle end. Hey, negative Nancy, don’t look so worried! Change can be good and in this case it is. Although it may take a few days for you to see the silver lining.

  • Sagittarius

    Nov 22—Dec 21

    (November 22—December 21)
    You know that famous quote, “life is like a box of chocolates, you can eat the entire box but you make puke afterwards”? Well anyway (that version) is eerily true for you this month. You tend toward excess and that’ll come back to bite you in the behind, especially if you overindulge financially. I know, you’re just doing your part to boost the economy, but Ben Bernanke will forgive you. (He’s a Sag, too!)

  • Scorpio

    Oct 23—Nov 21

    (October 23—November 21)
    When Pallas (also known as Athena) goes directly in your sign on June 24, you’ll feel like a light bulb has been turned on inside your head. That’s because the warrior queen represents intelligence and wisdom, and she infuses you with an endless supply of brilliant thoughts through the end of the month. Now’s a good time to give ol’ Alex a ring and secure a spot on Jeopardy.

  • Taurus

    April 20—May 20

    (April 20—May 20)
    There are no planets with big plans heading your way. In fact, the cosmos isn’t sending anything down your path this month. Don’t take it personally, it’s not you, it’s the universe. It recognizes you had a pretty rough time in May and quite frankly it’s a little worried you’ll go off the deep end if you’re faced with one more hardship. So please, slap on some swimmies, stay on the shallow side and just float on.

  • Virgo

    Aug 23—Sept 22

    (August 23—September 22)
    What’s red and red with—you guessed it—red all over? You on the 6th when Mars, the “red planet,” enters your sign during a bright-red hot spot week. Most astrologers would say you should brace yourself for a miserable few days, but let’s take these lemons and make ‘em into Margaritas. (And then I’d like you to drink them all, quickly.) Who says your darkest hour can’t turn in to happy hour?

sydney levin

Sydney Levin is an extremely attractive writer living in New York City. She enjoys noodles and sloths, although not in that order.