• Aquarius

    Jan 20—Feb 18

    You know the drill: When the moon’s between signs (Void-of-Course), any work you do will have to be redone, and any decisions you make will be, well (How do I say this nicely?), really super dumb. So, from 10:20am to 3:38pm on the 25th, act like a cucumber and just veg out. And because I care, I’ll make the tough choices for you: A) Find a couch. B) Sit on it.

  • Aries

    March 21—April 19

    Uranus, the planet that governs sudden, random changes, goes retrograde on July 5th and doesn’t shift back to normal until December 6th. Trite as it sounds, you’ll need to expect the unexpected—something that’s especially hard for Aries, who live by schedules and feel most comfortable when in control and…BOO! Did I scare you? Sorry, just trying to keep you on your toes.

  • Cancer

    June 21—July 22

    Big news: The total solar eclipse and the new moon fall in your sign on July 11. This will result, according to the horoscope gods, in a total upheaval of your emotions and apparently, of water. So, if you find yourself crying or laughing (or both) beside a churning body of H20, don’t worry or wonder how exactly you got there. Just go with it and try to stay near a lifeguard...who isn’t also a Cancer.

  • Capricorn

    Dec 22—Jan 19

    Back in ancient Greece-time, Pluto didn’t have a ton of Facebook friends. Being the god of the underworld is a total popularity killer. Fast-forward a lot of years and he’s in your sign on the 24th and 25th, reminding you to pay extra attention to that pal on the outskirts of your group who doesn’t always get invited to the party. Throw a get-together and be sure to call him/her first. How would you like to be an afterthought?

  • Gemini

    May 21—June 20

    Within three days of the 8th (before or after, just giving myself a little extra space to be right), a close friend will tell you some “very exciting” travel news that you’ll have a tough time swallowing. In fact, if news were edible, you’d probably be choking on it. This is hardly the right reaction. Jealousy—and needing the Heimlich maneuver because of it—does not become you.

  • Leo

    July 23—Aug 22

    When Mercury enters on the 9th, he lights up your house of communication. As a result, you may find yourself acting as a middle man—or in-between gal—for two friends at work, but you must nip this new position in the bud ASAP. Look, if you read books (or ever watch The Real Housewives of New York), you know what always happens to the messenger.

  • Libra

    Sept 23—Oct 22

    July feels like a revolving door, with friends coming and going faster than you can say, “Hey, I hope you’re all using hand sanitizer!” You may feel pangs of loneliness mid-month, but when strong Saturn enters on the 26th, you’ll get the boost of positivity you’ve sorely needed. Just remember: Absence makes the heart grow fonder…and you usually get a souvenir out of it.

  • Pices

    Feb 19—March 20

    In Greek mythology, there were guys (centaurs) who were big into drinking and carousing. They were a lot of fun. Then there was Chiron, who was civilized, kind and probably not invited to the party. But he was skilled in medicine, and he’s heading to your sign on the 8th. He ushers in a period of perfect health…and that’s way more desirable than a hangover.

  • Sagittarius

    Nov 22—Dec 21

    In Greek mythology, you’re a centaur: Half human, half horse. That’s why you’re so antsy at work—you’re more at ease when not reined in. Since you can’t run free in the office (and because nice men in white uniforms may be called if you do), you must focus on exercise this summer. Otherwise, I fear you’ll lose your spark…and the boss may put you out to pasture.

  • Scorpio

    Oct 23—Nov 21

    Psst, over here! I’ve got something to tell you, but I don’t want the other signs to know, ‘cause they’ll be jealous. Every month, there’s a certain amount of nightmare-ish days you just have to slog through. But this July...oh god, this is exciting, keep this to yourself—you’ve got an absolutely perfect month ahead. Well, the secret’s out. Now please, enjoy it!

  • Taurus

    April 20—May 20

    Bull, it’s time to shake up your image. Your constellation dates back to the Upper Paleolithic (late Stone Age), but does your hair have to? July’s the time to spruce things up, to trim the tattered ends of your life, as it were. Be sure to schedule your makeover for July 11th, so that your fresh start coincides with the total solar eclipse—and so that the man in the moon can get a good look at ya when it’s full that evening.

  • Virgo

    Aug 23—Sept 22

    Mercury’s catting around in many signs and you get a visit from this astrological Tiger Woods on the 27th. Actually, that comparison is pretty fitting, as Mercury’s known to be most erratic (and quite good on the golf course). You’ll be unusually emotional from the 27-29 as a result, but try to keep your crazy in the closet. By the 31st, you’ll be free of Merc and back to your old, semi-stable self.

sydney levin

Sydney Levin is an extremely attractive writer living in New York City. She enjoys noodles and sloths, although not in that order.