Aquarius
Jan 20—Feb 18
(January 20—February 18)
You know that song “Everlasting Love?” Well, it’s not a tune that Venus hums. Sure, it’s the goddess of romance and beauty, but it’s not making any promises on either front. When it enters, you may feel attracted to someone new (especially around the 14th) or drawn to something that typically wouldn’t catch your eye. Think before you swipe a credit card or steal a kiss. Both will cost you in the end.
Aries
March 21—April 19
(March 21—April 19)
Uranus may be the butt of most astrological jokes, but it’s at the head of the class when it comes to intellect. The planet associated with genius and fresh ideas is directly in your sign from the 9th to the 10th, so trade in your thinking cap for a bigger one. (There’s nothing worse than squished ideas.) And while you’re at it, buy a pair of smarty pants. Might as well get the whole outfit, right?
Cancer
June 21—July 22
(June 21—July 22)
Last year, the cosmic phenomenon known as a “blue” or “extra moon” occurred in your sign on December 31st. It brought an excess of everything to your life and you’re still sorting through it all. The good news? There’s no new astrological explosions in the foreseeable future. (Seriously, it’s like the planets lost your number.) So throw on your party hat as you ring in this New Year’s Eve—the only surprise ahead is how you dance after two glasses of champagne.
Capricorn
Dec 22—Jan 19
(December 22—
January 19)
A great person (AKA: I have no idea who) once said that everyone needs someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to. Well, in ancient times, a winter solstice gathering was that “something to do” during the darkest time of the year. This year, it occurs at 11:38pm on December 21st. Break out the champagne—your life is about to bubble over with fun.
Gemini
May 21—June 20
(May 21—June 20)
The first full lunar eclipse in six months falls in your sign on the 21st and will be visible after midnight. An eclipse ushers in a period of beginnings, endings and major changes. Basically, it spins your life round and round and where it stops nobody knows. What we can assume, though, is that the relationship at the center of your world is about to change for the better. An eclipse may make you feel like you’ve lost your marbles, but in the end, you gather ‘em all up and realize how much you miss them.
Leo
July 23—Aug 22
(July 23—August 22)
It doesn’t matter
how many last-minute presents you have to buy or guest beds you still need to make up, on the 23rd, you need to stay put because the moon is between signs. Lucky for you it makes it’s move from 2:25am to 7:51am, when not a creature is stirring, not even a holiday-crazed human. Or, disobey me if you’d like. Just know that anything you start, finish, think about starting or dream about finishing will have to be re-done when the moon ends its little journey. Ho-ho-horoscopes never lie! ?
Libra
Sept 23—Oct 22
(September 23—October 22)
Lately, it feels like people are coming out of the woodwork. Ancient enemies want to say hi, exes from days of yore are wondering just how you’ve been doing. In fact, you may get calls from multiple guess-who’s on the 13th. But before you decide to rekindle any relationships (platonic or otherwise), check your old wounds. If you don’t feel any phantom pains, go forward. If a telltale ache sets in, it’s better not to pull out those sutures.
Pices
Feb 19—March 20
(February 19—March 20)
This month, I have two words (or five letters) for you to live by: Do you. You put so many people first that you’re left way at the back of the line, panting to reach the front. And at this rate, even with the best shoes and a whole mess of Wheaties, you’ll never get there. For a submissive fish who loves to go with the flow, this will be hard. But I’m not asking you to swim upstream—I’m just hoping you’ll swim down whichever stream you damn well please.
Sagittarius
Nov 22—Dec 21
(November 22—December 21)
The new moon falls in your sign on the 5th, which is fitting because you’ve recently made a pact to rake up a bunch of leaves and turn ‘em all over. The only problem? On the 7th, someone is dead set on jumping in your pile. Instead of sighing and settling, bite the bullet and get confrontational. It’s against your nature, but with the big cheese in the sky on your side, you’re more empowered than ever.
Scorpio
Oct 23—Nov 21
(October 23—November 21)
Andy Warhol once said, “The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting.” Well, this month is brought to you by the word “patient.” From the 1st to the 13th, Mercury is in retrograde and life’s handing you a ton of lemons—or maybe a can of tomato soup—at work and on the home front. But once you get past that astrological stumbling block, it’s all blue skies and a glass of lemonade (hold the psychedelics, aspiring artists) ahead. So get a straw ready for the 14th!
Taurus
April 20—May 20
(April 20—May 20)
Even though the 25th is all about that guy (you’ve probably heard of him), another pretty important fellow is directly in your sign that day: Jupiter. In Roman mythology, it’s Jupiter, not Zeus, who’s the king of gods. When he enters, you’ll start to feel regal at work. But if you slack off, you’ll become the court jester in no time. And really, “best juggler in the land” is not part of your skill set.
Virgo
Aug 23—Sept 22
(August 23—September 22)
Practical Virgo sees the world in black and white. But if they squint, things can turn a brilliant Technicolor. This month, keep Kansas in the background and put on your Oz glasses. There’s some incredible things ahead (better prepare yourself for a big announcement on the 18th), but you may bypass them if you aren’t peering through the right lens. But don’t strain your eyes—a watched horoscope never boils.
