May Horoscopes

  • Aquarius

    Jan 20—Feb 18

    Three’s company, but it takes two to tango. That doesn’t really make any sense, but what we’re getting at is that the time to pick a partner (be they romantic or platonic) has come. You can juggle no more, so chose who’s going to fall by the wayside. It’s for the best, honest.

  • Aries

    March 21—April 19

    A fresh start is just what the doctor ordered (especially around the 26th when mean ol’ Mars is stomping through your sign) so fill your prescription for ‘Brand New Aries’ right away…and don’t settle for generic! This month, it’s all about living a tiny bit outside your means. Consider May a layaway month, and put the fun back in budget (or maybe just the “U”).

  • Cancer

    June 21—July 22

    You’ve piled so much on your plate, you’ll be eating leftovers until June! Jam-packing your schedule may sound delicious, but just wait until your proverbial baked beans get all squished into your hypothetical mashed potatoes. Not so appealing, right? Take one fewer serving and you’ll feel totally full.

  • Capricorn

    Dec 22—Jan 19

    You’re used to living life full-steam ahead, so don’t get too derailed when your personal life comes grinding to a halt on the 9th. (It’s the full Moon’s fault, seriously.) A friend’s shocking confession could through you off track or lead you down an interesting detour. The choice is yours, Capricorn conductor.

  • Gemini

    May 21—June 20

    Hey twins, take a look at the clock—it’s time for some old-fashioned fun! (Not literally, so no need to dust off that-thare’ hoop and stick.) The stars know you tend to play it straight and quiet at work, so live out loud on the weekends or risk a fate worse than death: boredom.

  • Leo

    July 23—Aug 22

    “Less is more” doesn’t apply at work (or when tipping your horoscope writer), so toss that mantra in the shredder. Since you’re comfortable just coasting, it’s time to dust off your resume. May is a red-letter month, but the cosmos can only open the opportunity door—you, dear lion, must pounce.

  • Libra

    Sept 23—Oct 22

    Discovering new worlds is hard work. Deciding whether a new relationship is genuine should be a piece of cake. (Or if we’re really going all the way with this, a ration of bread.) Consider these next few weeks a compass, and see whether this friendship blazes new trails in your life or leads you down a dead end.

  • Pices

    Feb 19—March 20

    You’re a glutton for punishment, and unless that’s a new flavor of ice cream at Cold Stone that you’re willing to share, quit stuffing your darn face. A tiger can’t change its stripes and your co-worker won’t alter his attitude. Dumping your desire to win him over will be a cherry on top of an already fantastic month.

  • Sagittarius

    Nov 22—Dec 21

    Just when you’ve finally gotten all your ducks in a row, one of the little suckers goes and wanders off. Don’t let a surprising outburst at a get-together ruffle your feathers or get you down. (Oh man, avian puns!) Even if you feel like normalcy has flown the coop, go with the flow and enjoy the flight.

  • Scorpio

    Oct 23—Nov 21

    If you blow a semi-difficult situation out of proportion on the 9th, be ready to pick up the pieces until month’s end. Enjoy dragging a Hefty bag around? Didn’t think so. Keep your cool, touchy Scorpio, or get ready to deal with a lot more garbage. (Reminder from planet Earth—separate your drama and recyclables!)

  • Taurus

    April 20—May 20

    Don’t begrudge a friend his/her happiness just because you’re feeling a bit down in the snout this month. The fortune wheel is a wacky little sucker and you never know when it’ll decide to dive in your direction. One thing’s for sure—if you’re not wishing happiness upon others, Vanna White will never flip over your letter.

  • Virgo

    Aug 23—Sept 22

    Remember, you earn money, not friends. If you find yourself working way too hard to cash in with a new acquaintance, consider closing the entire account. Sure Wall Street’s a big mess, but your social life will still be totally bullish (and way less volatile) without that unnecessary pal.