Jan 20—Feb 18
(January 20—February 18)
Get out the good China and set another two places at the table—both Jupiter and Chiron are directly in your sign, and boy are they noisy guests. (Especially Jupiter, it’s a gas planet, haha.) Their presence allows you to work on your patience—a virtue you’ve yet to truly embrace. By the end of the month, people will begin to really notice (and appreciate) the new, relaxed you.
March 21—April 19
(March 21—April 19)
As a result of something complicated that happened a long, long time ago, your sign isn’t aligned with its constellation. In other words—you’re on your own, kid. And actually, that’s awesome. Your independence is admirable, but on the 15th, let a significant other take the reigns. It’s nice to be led around from time to time.
June 21—July 22
(June 21—July 22)
The fourth quarter moon is doing moon-like things in your sign on the 11th. And hey, even though you hear a lot more about the full version (show off) it’s just as important. Now’s the time to prepare for rebirth, which sounds terrifying and sorta slimy, but it’s fancy astrology language for tie up loose ends, before they get you all twist-y.
Dec 22—Jan 19
(December 22—January 19)
Pluto is in your sign and Clyde W. Tombaugh discovered it. That’s some trivia on the house. Since you can’t exactly phone him to say thanks, take this time to make another call—one that’s months overdue. It’s not too late to say “I appreciate you.” (Well, unless you really had your heart set on talking to Clyde. I’m not a miracle worker.)
May 21—June 20
(May 21—June 20)
Yooou’re so vain, you probably think this horoscope is about you. Ah drat. (Now that’s more truth, less insult, isn’t it?) Just ‘cause you’re a twin sign doesn’t mean the world owes you 2x the attention. Always need someone looking at you? Invest in a small mirror. It’ll never let you down, my pretty.
July 23—Aug 22
(July 23—August 22)
Back in the day, a bunch of cattle was an acceptable sacrifice to Mars. When it enters your sign on the 16th, feel free to just enjoy a burger (throw in some fries). Better yet, share this happy meal with that old pal you ran into. It’s not too late to rekindle that friendship. But hey, maybe don’t mention the whole ancient sacrifice thing, mmk?
Sept 23—Oct 22
(September 23—October 22)
Oh, happy birthday great Libra! You’ve had a relatively good year, but this is your red-letter month. When Mercury enters on the 9th, prepare for riches to be bestowed upon you. (Ok, or a card with the $5 check your aunt always sends you.) Have your cake and eat it too—Merc is also the god of a fast metabolism. Ok, that’s a straight-up lie.
Feb 19—March 20
(February 19—March 20)
You remember what the Void of Course Moon is, right? It’s the period of time (this month, from 3:22am to 3:45am on the 28th) where you should, basically, be terrified of the world, because the moon is “between signs” and super volatile. Well, we here at Pulse say embrace the fear! Or in this case, sleep right through it. You’re a fearless fish, aint ya?
Nov 22—Dec 21
(November 22—December 21)
Dealing with a long-distance relationship can be draining, so you’ve gotta ask yourself—is the juice worth the squeeze? (Come on, you know the answer is unequivocally yes.) Our advice? Book a trip now. Autumn is a beautiful time to travel, so make like a tree and leave the Island, for gods’ and planets’ sakes.
Oct 23—Nov 21
(October 23—November 21)
Ceres enters your sign on the 12th. Do you know what Ceres is? It’s one of the Solar System’s dwarf planets, but it packs a big punch. With this extra mass behind, please find the courage to finally stick up for yourself at your big mid-month meeting. Remember: It’s not the size of the smallest identifiable planet in the fight; it’s the size of the fight in the planet.
April 20—May 20
(April 20—May 20)
Your sign is spotted predominantly in the winter sky, which means you’re one season closer to hitting your peak. Until then, try not to steal the spotlight at a surprise party or important work event. You’ll have your time to shine—so don’t use up someone else’s Sun (or stand on their cloud).
Aug 23—Sept 22
(August 23—September 22)
Honestly, there’s not much cosmic interest in your sign this month. Luckily, your constellation is the second largest in the night sky. Know what that means? Other, more exciting (ie: not mythological) people are about to find you. Make yourself super gaze-able the week of the 11th, when you’ll run into an old bud. Go forth and shine! (Although there is a powder for that.)